I mainly spent yesterday reading, eating cake, and watching Lestrade nap on the sofa. Mrs Hudson went mad with the cake. Three kinds, and they were all amazing. Especially the banana something one. I made the boys breakfast (toast and peanut butter) and dinner (cheese sandwiches and peas) but Lestrade and I mainly ate cake. There was also a jar of olives finished off, but that was mostly me as they were spicy. Good day.
Good having him home and knowing he'd stay in all night. Good not having him swill coffee like he needed it to live and knowing that might in fact be the case, since he doesn't have a job in which you can combine slow thinking with a long life expectancy. I don't think I like this night shift business.
I have photos of him passed out on the living room floor with his hand in a plate of chocolate cake, but I have to keep something in reserve. He's been threatening me with more nude sketches, sans strategic jam jar. I hope he hasn't been doing these in meetings. I keep picturing the head of Scotland Yard ringing the boys' mum to ask if she knows her nanny is naked on the internet.
Only she would know. Instantly. And that's even worse.
Right, time for a new poll. This one's called Before or After and it comes with visual aids. Which do you prefer?
Good having him home and knowing he'd stay in all night. Good not having him swill coffee like he needed it to live and knowing that might in fact be the case, since he doesn't have a job in which you can combine slow thinking with a long life expectancy. I don't think I like this night shift business.
I have photos of him passed out on the living room floor with his hand in a plate of chocolate cake, but I have to keep something in reserve. He's been threatening me with more nude sketches, sans strategic jam jar. I hope he hasn't been doing these in meetings. I keep picturing the head of Scotland Yard ringing the boys' mum to ask if she knows her nanny is naked on the internet.
Only she would know. Instantly. And that's even worse.
Right, time for a new poll. This one's called Before or After and it comes with visual aids. Which do you prefer?
87 comments:
20 years ago I'd have been after "Before" like a shot. (Showing my age here...) Now I kind of want to pat him on the head and tell him to look both ways before he roars off down the street on his motorbike.
After, on the other hand...well, he's got some life experience, some compassion for other people, some common sense, and apparently some chocolate cake under his belt. He's not liable to go into a strop and need to be sent to his room. (Probably.) He paints bedrooms and helps to babysit geniuses, when he's not assisting the Ungrateful Oblivious British Public. What's not to like?
He's not liable to go into a strop and need to be sent to his room.
Not often, anyway.
Yeah, all of that. I agree completely. And I probably would've been after Before like a shot as well, assuming I was old enough. He won't actually tell me what year it was taken.
So you put up two horrible pics of me (presumably to try to frighten away your readers?) And expect me not to retaliate?
They are very nice pictures. It is not my fault you can't see how bloody attractive you are, you madman.
I thought you left the army because you were shot. Now I realise it's because you have failing eyesight.
I don't even need reading glasses. Unlike some people I could mention.
No, you're beyond glasses, but I bet Mycroft can train up one of the hounds for you as a guide dog.
And I don't know to whom you could be referring.
After. After after after. I teach people who look like before and that's just creepy. But your Orio has grown into a startlingly good-looking man. A bit of the Silver Fox, isn't he?
Tinkerty-tonk,
Bronwyn
Silver fox...greying mongrel, more like.
Danger, no wonder I've got a stiff neck and shoulder if you let me fall asleep on the floor. And I woke up to one of the dogs trying to eat me. Or the cake.
He was cleaning your hand off. Helpfully. I'm sure he wasn't using his teeth.
It was only for a few hours. I didn't want to wake you in case you started painting and mixed up your coffee cup and paint brush again. I'll rub your shoulder if you like.
Bronwyn - silver fox, absolutely.
Okay, not so much eat me as lick me to death. And yes, shoulder rub would be lovely.
And that wasn't a mistake. I wanted to know the paint was safe for the boys. Honest.
Non-toxic is not the same as edible. I don't think anyone should be required to work that long on nights. It's not safe. You should get Monday off at the very least.
It was fine. No harm done to me or the general public. And usually nights are only 2 in a row, and don't come around very often. It's the call outs that happen more frequently.
And why was I even on the floor?
Then why suddenly a whole week? You said it wasn't because of the locker punching incident...
Couldn't tell you. You said it was big and flat like Montana, something about cowboys, and then you passed out for three hours.
It wasn't. Locker incident - apart from my aching knuckles, is resolved. I actually popped in and apologised to the guy a few days later, when the DCI dropped some hints about complaints.
I just had to do a bit of a favour for someone last week, that's all. Nothing exciting.
I've never even been to Montana. I think I dreamt of you cattle rustling though. Remind me to tell you about it. Privately.
I've never been either, but if I were going to rustle cattle, it sounds like a better place for it than London.
You'd be too adorable rustling guinea pigs though. Or if Sherlock gets his way, giant rabbits. He told me the other day he thinks you're not reading his report fast enough, or concentrating, and could I please not distract you.
Wonder what Montana criminals are like?
You, Danger, have healing hands. A bit harder, and closer to the middle of my back...yeah.
No, I know typing on the screen when you can see it isn't the best method of communication, but I've lost the power of speech.
Even harder than that.
That's nice. Just keep that up for another 30 or 40 mins.
Ouch. You can rub that better now, too.
His report is under review.
Probably few and far between? I think about seven people live there. (I'm going to get hate mail from Montana now. )
Dorkasaurus.
Dorkasaurus?
Geekiraptor.
Nerdceritops.
Personally, I believe 90% of the criminals in Montana turn to crime for the same reason that you find line-dancing and an incredible amount of drinking in rural area. Sheer, mind-numbing boredom.
I also believe this is why Montana didn't have a daytime speed limit on their highways until 1999 or 2000. Everyone was so bored, why the hell shouldn't they drive as if there's nothing left for which they should live?
And I'm sorry, but this whole bunny-rustling discussion has conjured an amazing mental image of Sherlock riding Phobos and herding bunnies across the wide open plains (park?) whilst wearing a wee cowboy hat and chaps. I would pay for that picture.
Tinkerty-tonk,
Bronwyn
Ha! Sounds like a job for L 's artistic talents. It'll keep him from using them for evil.
Bronwyn - Yes, I imagine you would pay for that picture. Probably with your life, if Sherlock's scowl is anything to go on.
Danger - Dweebosodon. (Are you paying Mycroft to change that word-thingy I have to type to prove I'm human? It just called me something very rude.)
It wanted me to "prove zombie" earlier.
Oi! I don't do anything for evil. All my powers are used for good, you Evilospondylus.
It called me a sly anus! And you did accuse me of something like Zombiedom earlier. I can definitely prove to you there's life in me yet...
Whatever you say, pteroslacktyl.
It's the truth, Nannytyrannus (I said annus).
John, isn't there a Before picture of yourself you could share as well?
("reersin," Computer, really?)
Nope, no pics of me before the age of thirty. They simply don't exist.
I probably would pay with my life, but I might be able to bribe Sherlock with offers of how to make interesting explosions and smoke bombs. If I could get around John. Which might be a tad difficult. But I could try?
*thinks* Maybe I could just offer to bribe Sherlock with discussions of putrefaction or instructions for building trebuchets out of office supplies. Hmmmmmmm.
Tinkerty-tonk!
Bronwyn
Well, the nowadays Lestrade is a bit too old for me, but I like him better than the 80's one. :3 Both of them are very attractive, though, and I'd probably agree to a date if either of them asked me. XD
Innie - I'll get onto Harry for you.
Bronwyn - just schedule those lessons to Sherlock for when I'm safely at work, dealing with murderers?
Lupe - I'm a bit too old for most things. And you and Danger can trade tips of dealing with failing eyesight.
Nope, no pics of me before the age of thirty. They simply don't exist.
Hmmm. Would it be out of bounds for me to ask the boys if they've found any evidence to the contrary? (Just on this - in all other things, your word is gospel, John.)
Innie - DAMN, but Harry is fast. It's almost as if she was just waiting for the opportunity to embarrass her brother! But I'm sure that wasn't the case...certain of it. I've offered her police protection.
http://interestingmurders.blogspot.com/2011/03/help-i-need-somebody.html
Lestrade - you and Harry are a force to be reckoned with! Thank you!
It was my pleasure. Although Danger has just glared at me since. No words, just looks that could kill...
I go out of my way to post attractive pics of you and you do THIS? You will pay.
It is attractive!!
You've just posted pictures of me looking moody and ridiculous!
Anyway, I can only work with what I'm given. So blame Harriet.
Re: the poll
After, no contest at all.Detective Inspector Silver Fox is much, much nicer than Jailbait Guyliner. Any, I remember teenage guys, and they're rather lacking in experience, if you know what I mean.
I exercise my right to remain silent regarding experience.
After all, if I had done anything, it would have been illegal, owing to the stupidly unequal laws on same-sex relationships back then.
And honestly, guys, Silver Fox is no better than Guyliner. You're all nuts. Grey Mutt is much closer to the mark.
Lestrade, you're fighting a losing battle, sorry to say. You're hopelessly attractive. And no, you don't just get to pick out the 'hopeless' part.
Doctor Watson, you are a lucky, lucky man :)
As for the poll, I'll have to go with 'after'. Not only does the 'before' photo (while very nice!) make me feel uncomfortably like I'm perving on a child, I'm going to be shallow here...and I'm a fan of the 'after' hair. Yeah.
I refuse to vote in this poll on the grounds that it is an impossible choice.
If it helps, there's a really fabulous pub called The Silver Fox near my house. Good steak and quality bourbon.
Not sure why that would help but it's interesting at least.
Toodle-pip!
Bronwyn
See, I have a grey mutt curled up on the couch with me right now, so that's not a description that's going to make me think I voted poorly. Mutts are not only cute, they're more likely to be healthy and have a stable personality. Besides the fact that the Before should be illegal for me to even look at.
@kholly - Not to mention that some mutts are gorgeous - husky crosses, for example. :)
Anon - I'm averagely average. I don't think I'm a total face-ache, but nor am I anything special. Wrinkles, grey, frown lines, scars, the works.
Des - I refuse to vote on it because it's ridiculous.
Kholly - it should be illegal for anyone to subject anyone else to that picture. Nicky, I'm looking at you.
Sorry, nothing in that description is putting me off...also, ain't nothing wrong with average. It's a good thing to be, and does not negate attractiveness.
You and John can exchange guide dog tips.
But, y'know, thanks. It is nice that some of you seem to think that.
Also, can I ask just what the 'before' and 'after' is all about, Danger?
Before or after what?? A life fighting crime? Meeting you? Enough death threats to cause every one of those grey hairs? A failed marriage? Eating my own bodyweight in cake in a single day? Realising I wasn't destined to change the face of 80s popular music?
All of the above?
Do enlighten me...
A harder choice than Enterprise vs Serenity, Dr. Danger! But I admit that I had to go with after on that one. Not that the underage (?) smolder isn't sexy, but you have only grown better with age/experience, DI Silver Fox. ;)
Also, can I ask just what the 'before' and 'after' is all about, Danger?
Maybe Now and Then would've been better? Let's see... Before you stopped wearing make up?
...After reading the comments, I feel terribly young and out of my depth for having voted for the Before.
I am hesitant to admit that I like the whole "I'm wearing makeup and I don't care" insouciance of the younger Lestrade on aesthetic grounds, but prefer the more recent version because he's lived longer and presumably learned more. I guess that puts me on the fence, huh?
Current-day Lestrade is definitely more age-appropriate, although it's a moot point seeing as he's dating you.
I think you misjudged your readership if you need to put that poll up. This blog's main topics are - the raising of childeren, finding time around your work to go out on dates, raising animals and domestic duties. So most of the readers are going to be people who identify with that life; which are people between 25-40.
All of whom are going to choose after because he is hot and the other picture is just too young for us.
I think he just wanted an excuse to repost those pictures, Anon.
We're onto you, Dr. Danger! WE ARE ONTO YOU.
For the record, I voted for After, although that's all I'll really say on the subject. ;) My policy of not remarking overmuch on the physical qualities of other people's boyfriends has generally served me well.
finding time around your work to go out on dates
This doesn't happen nearly often enough. In fact, the last time it happened was probably Valentine's.
What shall we do, Danger??
I think he just wanted an excuse to repost those pictures
You've got me. I should've just waited. I've got much better ammunition now.
L - you should take me out for my birthday, that's what. The 31st.
Yana - you're providing balance, that's all. If no one had voted for him when he was young, he might get some sort of complex.
The 31st? Of this month? Ah. um.
Doesn't have to be on the date of. A weekend somewhere around it? I don't actually know what day of the week it's going to be anyway.
Right. I'll try and work something. I'm sure it'll be fine.
If you've got work stuff, we can always do something later, no worries. I wouldn't mind forgetting this one anyway.
Forget it? 1971...shit! It's a big one.
It's just a conference, up North. I'm supposed to be leading a seminar and stuff. I'm sure I can work something out. Don't want to go anyway.
I suppose you're not going to let me complain about getting old?
I'm almost sad to push this blog over 69 comments...
No, you can't complain. The rule is, 'you're only as old as the bloke you feel'. So either you're already old, or I'm still young...
You can complain when you catch up to me in age.
Heh. I'll work on that.
Maybe when I hit 50 I'll just start counting down again. Give you a chance.
If it means you're going to start wearing leather and guyliner again, I'm all for this plan.
Given that everyone's voted for my current worn-out-copper look, over the leather, I think not.
If you ask me very very nicely, and make me a cup of tea, and fan me with ostrich feathers and all that stuff, I might get my old bike jacket out. Just for you. It's at my flat.
No ostrich feathers, but I can offer tea and biscuits...
It would be a start, I suppose. You should get Sherlock back on the baking, I enjoyed that...
Mycroft's better at it.
Seriously, get it next time you're at your flat. I'll make it worth your while somehow or other.
Alright, I have to vote now, this is getting ridiculous. It's a tough choice, but being a wee 19-year-old I feel obligated to represent my age bracket.
After!Orio wearing guyliner might be a bit Alice in Chains. Or possibly David Bowie depending on other accoutremont. Lovely if that's your bag - a bit alarming if not. I think y'all should try it just to see.
What do you think, Orio? You game? Also it just crossed my mind that I wouldn't want cyber-strangers calling me by a childhood pet name. Is Orio acceptable? Or would you prefer Lestrade? Greg? Silver Fox?
Toodle-pip,
Bronwyn
Danger - you will that, I'm sure. But perhaps it woukd be more suitable if you came to the flat.
Des - don't feel obiged to vote in the silly poll at all.
Bronwyn - Orio has apparently stuck well into adulthood already, so don't worry. It's still what everyone in Italy calls me. And Nicky, obviously. Any of the above apart from 'silver fox' are acceptable. And Harry tells me John was quite into his mother's make up when he was little, so it won't take much to get him wearing some again, I wouldn't have thought.
Well, at least you're embarrassing me in older blog posts now. Hopefully with fewer people paying attention.
"John H. D. Watson said...
I don't even need reading glasses. Unlike some people I could mention."
...If you have pictures of this, I feel obliged to offer any number of first borns, cyber!cupcakes and/or the country of your choice. There is nothing so perfect as a hot man in glasses.
I don't, but I'll work on it.
L said, "You're only as old as the bloke you feel."
I feel the need to post six months late just to point out the fact that that is what she said.
Oh, I am sure she has said that.
Did she, Danger? Explains a lot.
Also posting late, but I thought I should, if only to represent Montana. My dad's a professor of Criminology, so I know a lot of cops and other law enforcement types. I don't know the percentages off the top, but the crimes I hear most about are alcohol-related or drugs-related (meth is rather a problem), with gun-related incidents represented as well. Sexual assault is a problem, but in different ways I imagine than in London, as there are many more small towns than large cities.
Also, I vote for the second picture. A little weatherbeaten around the edges looks very nice on you.
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