I wen to Tesco for Mrs Hudson, got Lestrade's nicotine patches, stopped for coffee. All in all, I was only gone an hour and a half or so. Maybe less. Lestrade stayed with the boys, and they were all clustered around his computer talking about some crime scene seminar he's meant to be writing when I left.
When I got back, Lestrade was unconscious on the floor, bleeding copiously from a head wound. Sherlock was examining it with a magnifying glass, and Mycroft was trying to keep Phobos from licking up the blood.
In retrospect, I suppose that ought to have been a clue. That dog will go for anything raspberry flavored. He actually prefers it to meat. Steak with raspberry glaze is probably his idea of heaven. They made the blood out of raspberry-chocolate sauce, red food coloring, and corn starch, you see. Hope I just gave all of you the same heart attack I suffered when I walked in. Share the pain, that's my motto today.
I'm afraid I did share it rather too freely with the boys. I already had my gun in hand and them behind me before subtle clues (like the lingering oder of chocolate and raspberry) penetrated and Lestrade sat up and started trying to explain. Felt like an idiot then, but I had to assume the intruder was still there and possibly my auto-pilot works a bit too well in these situations. Sorry again, Sherlock, Mycroft. I didn't meant to scare you.
Crime scene reenactment. He was trying to illustrate some point from his seminar. I don't know if he means to do that at the conference, but I imagine he'll have their full attention if so. They boys loved it, of course, and I'm pretty sure I'll find it amusing once the adrenaline wears off.
When I got back, Lestrade was unconscious on the floor, bleeding copiously from a head wound. Sherlock was examining it with a magnifying glass, and Mycroft was trying to keep Phobos from licking up the blood.
In retrospect, I suppose that ought to have been a clue. That dog will go for anything raspberry flavored. He actually prefers it to meat. Steak with raspberry glaze is probably his idea of heaven. They made the blood out of raspberry-chocolate sauce, red food coloring, and corn starch, you see. Hope I just gave all of you the same heart attack I suffered when I walked in. Share the pain, that's my motto today.
I'm afraid I did share it rather too freely with the boys. I already had my gun in hand and them behind me before subtle clues (like the lingering oder of chocolate and raspberry) penetrated and Lestrade sat up and started trying to explain. Felt like an idiot then, but I had to assume the intruder was still there and possibly my auto-pilot works a bit too well in these situations. Sorry again, Sherlock, Mycroft. I didn't meant to scare you.
Crime scene reenactment. He was trying to illustrate some point from his seminar. I don't know if he means to do that at the conference, but I imagine he'll have their full attention if so. They boys loved it, of course, and I'm pretty sure I'll find it amusing once the adrenaline wears off.
59 comments:
I imagine it would take several hours for your heart rate to return to normal after that.
Possibly several days.
Um...sorry? I'm not sure a public apology is quite enough, given the expression you had on your face.
I didn't think it would be that convincing. And no, I was just showing the boys some of how it all works. I won't be lying around being licked by dogs at the conference.
Are you sure? I could lend you some.
It was the circumstances, I think. If someone had told me before I walked in, oh, they've set a fake crime scene, it would've been obvious. It should've been obvious anyway, but I didn't stop to think.
Well I guess I didn't think either.
I thought you were just upset about the mess until I saw the bloody gun in your hand.
Although your expression when Sherlock told you off for stepping in the jam-footprint evidence was hilarious.
And your journal just told me you're stroppy
I promise I will never shoot you for making a mess.
My journal might be right about that.
Given that practically every journal entry either of us makes seems to end with you threatening to kill me in the comments, you'll forgiveme if I tread softly for a while.
And i'll go for concerned or protective over stroppy.
Oh wow, you're some badass nanny! Or you would've been, if you'd been protecting them from a real menace. XD I assume it's happened before (the real menace, not Lestrade reenacting a crime scene with the boys), considering that you jumped for the gun that quickly. :O I hope the boys weren't too scared?
This would be an object lesson in why you do not surprise the ex-army doctor. I'm glad everyone is alright!
Lupe - yeah, there was a thing with a serial killer last year. I think I blogged about it, so it should be in the archives somewhere. Not fun.
annoyedwabbit - I prefer my surprises blood (and jam) free.
I think I saw my life flash before my eyes...
And whilst the serial killer bit was 'not fun' it did have it's upside.
Now you're just being ridiculous. I wasn't going to shoot you!
Clearly you didn't need to. He was already dead.
I thought you'd be glad that my natural reaction is to be wary of guns! After all, you're probably the first armed man I've met who wasn't trying to kill me! Don't take it as an insult to you, just as a sign that some of my training actually sank in.
kholly - Exactly.
(To be fair, I would've checked him over and called 999 if he hadn't sat up just then.)
L - You did look a bit pale. I wasn't even aiming at you.
I've discovered the hard way - and more than once - that it doesn't take long for someone to shift a gun a few inches, and that ricochets hurt just as much as direct shots, in a small space.
And like Kholly says, you thought I was dead. You might not have been careful not to kill me again.
If I was Sherlock and Mycroft, I would feel a bit freaked out, but incredibly well-loved. Yipes, guys. I'm so sorry you were scared out of your shoes, John. And you too, Orio. My lover with a gun would freak me out amazingly.
Feel better everybody.
Toodle-pip,
Bronwyn
Bronwyn - the boys seem mostly all right now. I'm assuaging my guilt by letting them eat ice cream before dinner, which seems to have wiped all memory of the incident from their minds. Except how funny I looked when L sat up and started waving his hands about.
L - I will always be careful not to kill you twice. Probably just as well to be wary of guns though, yes.
Also re: the motobike, it's not mid-life-crisisy if you've been riding them your whole life.
Do you ride? (have you ridden, I suppose I mean). Would you be happy going two up?
And would you bring me tea and sympathy if I get squashed by a bus? (And promise not to kill me?)
All important questions. I'm not getting one if it's not practical. That would be mid-lifey.
I never have, but I'd be happy to ride with you.
Tea and sympathy will be available provided you wear a helmet, which I assume you do since you survived the last crash. Although I can only imagine what it does to your hair.
I wear a helmet because it's the law, and sensible. Not in that order. And the difference made to my hair is very minor, and my hair does whatever it wants anyway. If anything, it probably calms it.
I think you just want to see my big shiny helmet.
We could maybe, possibly, test ride some. Sometime. Subject to my finances and you seriously not minding. Because I don't mind if you mind. It's not about you telling me how to live my life, it's about us living our lives in as harmonious a way as possible. Give and take. All that.
And if you've forgiven me, can I have a nicotine patch or three? I was too scared to ask before...But I'm about ready to start scouring the gutter outside for dog ends. And have a killer headache.
I don't suppose you want a motorcycle with a sidecar, Lestrade, but if you do, I'm throwing my vote in for the Ural Retro: http://www.imz-ural.com/retro/#specs
Of course, there are downsides to a sidecar - like not having your passenger sitting behind you and holding on for dear life.
L - I'm pretty sure you're not meant to put on two at once.
Not even when the first one is seriously running low? I've smoked two cigarettes at once before, don't see how this is different...
Ay-yi-yi! I'm thinking the birthday festivities had better be SPECTACULAR.
...why two at once?
Innie - They may well be. But it's down to Sherlock and Mycroft on the actual day, as I'm at a stupid conference. Although I'm sure I can drag Danger somewhere half decent the week after.
Danger - um...because it seemed like a good idea at the time? Because my stress levels were waaay too high? Because I didn't come prepared to smoke more than that, like this guy?: http://www.artofsmoking.com/800worldrecord.jpg
Almost certainly because I needed a serious nicotine hit and didn't have time to chain smoke. All I remember was it being wet, cold, late at night and at a crime scene. Which doesn't really help narrow it down.
Oh, well now I'm super excited to see what the boys come up with to celebrate the birthday of the greatest nanny ever!
No one has to do anything, honestly.
I can only hope the boys (and the dogs) would have a slightly more sensible reaction to actual danger than curious investigation and licking, respectively.
Des - the boys, possibly. Although I had to have words about checking your victim is really dead. They just got stuck in, assuming I'd kicked the bucket and started solving the crime. Maybe Danger should do some basic first aid work with them. Warning me first, so I don't walk in to find one of the mummified in bandages and have a coronary like Danger did.
the dogs I'm pretty sure would just lick whatever the circumstances.
Danger - we'll do something, I'm just not sure what or when. Getting back from conference means my office will be wall to wall paperwork. We'll fit in dinner or something though.
I have a Latin exam the next day, John. It's quite an important one. But we could do something at the weekend.
I want to make a birthday cake. A REALLY big one, with icing and writing with icing and you and me and the dogs and Mrs Hudson can eat it. And maybe save some for Mycroft and Lestrade when they've stopped being boring.
And it shoukd have sprinkles and sweets on the top and everything.
Sherlock, I'm sure you could make a cake, but ONLY if you help John clear up afterward. he doesn't want to spend his birthday cleaning whatever baking-based ingredient-explosion you've caused in the kitchen.
But it is a nice thought.
Half the yard went into mourning the day the Guv stopped turning up in his leathers. If he gets a bike again you'll have to keep a close eye on him, John, or someone will kidnap him.
Haven't you got some work to do, Sergeant?
Mycroft - that's fine, love. Don't worry about it, we'll do something later.
Sherlock - Maybe we could get Mrs Hudson to help us? I'm sure she wouldn't mind. Given the probable alternative.
Sally - I can believe it. Don't worry, I'll keep a firm grip on him as always.
L - it's really fine, don't worry about it. I'm not that excited to be a year older anyway.
Yeah, but the big four-zero. That deserves a bit better than some Latin studying, an absent lover, some baking insanity and a party with a pensioner (no offence Mrs H, I'm sure you can party with the best of us).
What would you like, anyway? i honestly have No Clue what to buy you.
Umm. That works out well as I have no clue what I want, heh. I honesty hadn't thought about it. Dinner out when you get back would be fine. Oh! I know. You can play something for me - preferably one you wrote, but I won't make you if you really don't want to.
You can say no if you want to! Hotel California would be fine.
No, I can probably remember one or two of the old ones. You will be frisked for all recording equipment before the show begins though.
No recordings, I promise. You're marvellous. :)
I think I need to frisk you anyway. Just for fun.
Oh, well, if you insist.
I may have to. Find out if you're concealing any offensive weapons.
I guarantee I will be.
With that sort of claim I may be forced to conduct a full body cavity search.
You've gone very quiet.
Don't you want to know about the growing body of evidence I may hold against you? I think it's very solid.
Anything to show in your defence?
Do your worst, I'll never confess.
(Having login difficulties sorry )
Mycroft, are Nicky and John talking again? If so, well done, keep that network down, good work.
John, I will get my 'cuffs. I'm pretty sure I can pump you for information and get you to spill...
You two are shameful. One day Mycroft and Sherlock will understand all your innuendo and then you'll be in trouble.
I'm not entirely sure I'm ever out of trouble, if you combine the Force, my sister and John...
Des - by the time they're old enough to understand, they'll just be horribly embarrassed instead of traumatized.
You mean they're not already horribly embarrassed by us? We must be doing something wrong. Adults should surely strive to embarrass kids at every turn.
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