Danger - now you're making the whole Tesco thing sound worse than it could be! I demand examples!
What I will be buying at Tesco today, offered without explanation:
denture cream
lube
honey
marmite
cucumbers (5)
disney princess plasters (Jasmine or Mulan,NOT Ariel Ariel for Lestrade)
clothes pegs
To be fair, the majority of this particular list is not L's fault.
What I will be buying at Tesco today, offered without explanation:
denture cream
lube
honey
marmite
cucumbers (5)
disney princess plasters (Jasmine or Mulan,
clothes pegs
To be fair, the majority of this particular list is not L's fault.
67 comments:
I should hope one of the items is at least partially Lestrade's fault...
(Also can I just confirm that the plasters are for the boys? Never mind, feel free not to confirm, the idea that they might be for the se(x)curity team is amusing me far too much...)
None of it is my *fault*!
I don't deny the fact I might use one or two items though.
L - the marmite is completely your fault.
Trills - the sexcurity team is thisclose to getting their own tag, but I think some of them are young enough to be mortally embarrassed by it. Some, however, are old enough to have daughters with very particular taste in Disney princesses.
I'm a little disappointed the princesses aren't for Sherlock...
I prefer Ariel.
Someone else must be eating marmite too. A pot used to last me years.
Unless it's just because you make me eat breakfast nowadays.
And we should get lube online. Bugger tubs, better value.
BIGGER! This phone is conspiring against me
Bigger tubs.
BUGGER TUBS
oh god i'm going to get cramp from laughing this hard
re: marmite - Sherlock eats it too, but not nearly as much as you do. Yes, I suspect it has something to do with actually eating breakfast.
I think you just want to get it online so you can have strawberry jam flavoured.
But Ariel is great!!
Paula - I've updated the list; you and Lestrade can have the Ariel ones.
*HURRAH*
Note to self: don't read blog comments whilst on the bus. Laughing out loud gets you stared at.
I don't like jam! Why would I....oh, no, I see now. We can can get jam flavour if you'd like.
Buying online is just better - more choice etc. And er...more specificly targeted for some usages. Tesco hardly have a decent range.
I've proof read this twice now for bloody phone mishaps.
Danger - hope you didn't actually injure yourself.
I knew the exact moment Sal read that. And now she keeps glancing at me and snorting with laughter over again.
Buying it online would keep them from look askance at all the cucumbers, if nothing else. Did you know Mrs Hudson eats them like bananas?
Why is it funny? I want to know why it's funny. John keeps laughing and won't say. It's not fair!
That would be a perfectly innocent shopping list . . . without the lube. With it, there's just no help for it. :-)
Sherlock - ask Sally.
humantales - the five cucumbers don't help either!
It's the marmite that's a crime. The rest is... well, if not perfectly innocent, then at least perfectly reasonable.
(although, given yesterday was jam and stab vests, the honey and clothes pegs are making me wonder)
...All the ads in my gmail are now for jam. ALL OF THEM.
Sherlock, the reason I am laughing right now is because I asked Lestrade why HE was laughing, and he said "because John gets paid to answer questions like that." (meaning your question).
I asked what he'd answer, and he said he'd tell you to phone your mum and ask.
Sally - I am incredibly tempted to have him phone his mum and then record her response, but unfortunately I think it would be "Ask John."
Sal!
Sherlock, don't phone your mum. I know she will read this, but don't call her and interrupt some world summit or something with a question like that. John is perfectly capable of answering it.
Danger - targeted adverts working for once? Mine are probably all for lube.and I can confidently say I had no idea about Mrs H's cucumber consumption.
As for clothes pegs...tried that once. Can't say I'm desperate for a repeat.
As for clothes pegs...tried that once.
If you go any further with that statement, I promise you will be the one explaining it to Sherlock and Mycroft. I have filled my quota for uncomfortable conversations with small children today.
Have you? What was your answer? Share with the class...
Anyway, clothes pegs are simple to explain. Well, in comparison to some other stuff.
I take it back, you're not explaining any unorthodox uses of clothes pegs to anyone.
It wasn't that bad really. He knows what euphemisms are already and thinks jokes about sex are stupid (thank god), so he was mainly uninterested once I explained in very general terms.
Ha, have I just found a way of getting out of all awkward explanations?
Anything left off your shopping list that we need for dinner? I'll be leaving soon.
Not all of them, just the ones chock full of concepts that are really really too grown up for them no matter how many big words they know.
Depends - are you cooking?
I can cook.
The last bloke I 'chatted' to spent the entire time sucking his pen...very suggestively. Although he could just have been nervous.
Wasn't my type though, don't worry.
Mrs Hudson's made us cucumber salad, so something to go with that? Actually there might be enough pasta leftover if we have it with some kind of vegetables.
Trying to seduce the fuzz! Tsk tsk. Not worried, I think it probably takes more than pen sucking to lead you astray. Although I do remember as being fairly attractive when you did it.
...Was that on purpose?
When Max was younger, I used to tell him, "It's hugging and kissing and stuff." Since he found this completely uninteresting, he would go away satisfied.
Now that he's interested, I just tell him it's slash and he goes away. (Or if I can't say that honestly and he picks up on it, I tell him to ask his father. He prefers that; I'm his mother.
It might just have been a nervous habit. He was very nervous.
When I did it I mainly wanted a smoke. I won't admit to anything more.
Humantales - what's slash? It doesn't explain anything to me! Maybe I should ask your other half too.
I won't admit to anything more.
Sneak.
humantales - slash means nothing to me either, and I'm impressed you've stumped Lestrade.
I really should know better than to check this thing at work. At least I was able to keep from laughing out loud -- or choking in the process -- but it was a very near thing. Another set of difficult people to explain things to.
My mom took the path of "if you're old enough to ask, you're old enough to hear the explanation", so I was a very well-informed five-and-a-half year old.
The only slash I know is the guitarist or the punctuation...somehow neither of those quite help with the explanation! (Unless Max really dislikes Guns 'N Roses?)
*round of applause* for humantales for doing what no commenter has ever done before - out smutted Lestrade. That's got to be worth a prize :-)
Outsmutted...
okay, I do know another slash. As in 'I'm going for a slash'...if this turns out to be about golden showers, then I'm getting more and more confused about what you've been teaching Max!
Let's hope no one comes over here until my blushes go away.
Some of what I read online is explicit sex between two (gay) men; in some groups (fanfiction, which is my dirty secret), it's called slash.
Sorry, I forgot I was talking to people who wouldn't know it. (I'm glad Goofy doesn't read this; he'd never let me live it down. And I'm bright red!)
Awww, Humantales, you're much kinder than I am, I would have kept them guessing for a while longer :-)
Also, am I the only person hoping that Sherlock is currently asking J&L what "golden showers" are? I am, aren't I? *sigh* Oh well, I'm pretty sure I was going to the Special Hell anyway.
This explains so much about you lot.
am I the only person hoping that Sherlock is currently asking J&L what "golden showers" are?
You, as Sherlock occasionally says, are MEAN. That was bad enough when I had to explain it to one of my nurses.
Ha! See, you all telling me I'm smutty, when what you really mean is 'not smutty enough!'.
I see.
Danger, I'm not going to ask how these people stumbled on YOUR blog whilst surfing about for gay porn.
Once, when I was a PC, I had to explain some very...er...specific sexual practices to an entire courtroom. It was fairly cringe-worthy.
Well, it might not be all of them. We shouldn't make assumptions.
And I am sure no search for gay porn brings up my blog, thank you!
...All right, I'm sure it didn't when I started it. Since you got involved...
If you ever get to meet Murray, ask him about fromage vs frottage. And then step smartly aside while he attempts to kill me.
I was hoping if I explained I'd stop blushing. I really don't want to have to explain that to my co-workers. (I must have a very innocent-looking face, because everyone assumes I'm very innocent and conservative.)
I don't remember how I found your blog (probably clicking through something else), but I wasn't . . . Oh, forget it. None of y'all'll believe me anyway. ;-)
Isn't fromage cheese? Danger, did you do something unkind to a friend of yours? **is shocked**
(The real person thingie is trying to make me go cross-eyed. "dermet" for someone who probably needs bifocals, for heaven's sake.)
If you ever get to meet Murray, ask him about fromage vs frottage. And then step smartly aside while he attempts to kill me.
Hmmm...I will. I mean ask. I would of course throw myself in harm's way if there were attempts made on your life.
An ex of mine once told me (on the doorstep, just before meeting the family!) that his brother was a necrophiliac.
"Just thought I should warn you, in case he, y'know, goes off."
I was...startled, to say the least. Was terrified about how this might manifest itself over Sunday Lunch...and wondering if I should actually do something about it, it being illegal and all.
Turned out he meant narcoleptic. I bet his brother made sure he got it right the next time...
L - HA! In case he "went off"... Oh dear.
humantales - fromage is cheese, and it was in no way my fault he stood on a table after several drinks and announced to the room that fromage was better than fucking. I just like to remind him of it.
Well, a really GOOD fromage... (kidding Danger.)
And hang on, my presence on your blog has in no way made it more pornographic!
I cannot even believe you managed to say that with a remotely straight face!
Am I the only one whose wondering what the Disney plasters are all about? Or have I missed something o_O
And also, my captcha is "heosperm" NO JOKE! Lol!
Wow, I leave for the weekend, and I come back to one of the most innuendo-laden conversations it has ever been my pleasure to read. Well done to both of you.
I will never look at jam the same way again. Nor cucumbers. Nor cheese, for that matter. Generally, my meal choices as a finicky student have somewhat decreased.
Anon - the plasters are for one of Anthea's people. He has a little girl. Mulan is her favorite. :)
itsmeektg - don't let Lestrade's innuendo limit your choices or you'll never eat again!
I approve of this little girl- Mulan is my favorite too. It sounds like she is already making excellent life choices.
Also, you guys are perverts and it is hilarious. :D
I'm just sad humantales got to explain slash first. I will never get tired of corrupting people's internet-innocence.
Well, if he avoids the topics of bacon and tea, I will probably survive just fine.
Mmm, I agree with Lindsay, Mulan is definitely the superior Disney character. (No offense to Ariel intended.)
You too, Lindsay? No wait, I'm actually not surprised by that at all.
I haven't seen any of the Disney films since...maybe the Lion King? But I'm informed that Mulan is the BAMF of the Disney princess brigade.
Lindsay, If I'd known you wanted to, I'd've waited. Talk about blushing.
OTOH, itsmeektg, if you're only just now thinking of cucumbers as innuendo-laden, you must lead a rather sheltered life. (And never met my husband.)
My favorite of the "princesses" was always Belle, but that's because she's a bookworm, too. That said, Mulan is the fighter of the Princesses.
humantales- Lol well, okay, I admit that one wasn't exactly new to me, nor Jam thanks to Danger's previous entries, but the sheer number of pervy thoughts one can get out of this particular entry is a new one for me.
Oh, I love Belle! Utter bookworm, I admit. And I'm still planning on building that library someday, though perhaps only 2-3 stories high.
What say you about the newest Disney princesses? From Tangled and The Frog Prince, I mean.
(And does anyone else love the fact we're discussing Lestrade and Danger's depravities next to a discussion on Disney princesses?)
Lindsay, Humantales - I was tempted to just post the wikipedia link :-p
I am sadly lacking in recent Disney experience (wait... no, I'm actually not sad about that at all). Never went much on the princesses anyway - give me Baloo any day :-)
Lestrade - am dying to know what it was you had to explain to that courtroom.
What I'd like to know is who the denture cream is for -- Mrs. Hudson? Do you shop for the entire household?
And hang on, my presence on your blog has in no way made it more pornographic!
Lestrade - Like Danger, I will point and mock in response to that one. You cannot possibly be serious.
Lawless - the denture cream is for Mrs Turner's (our neighbor) mother. And yeah, generally I do, although not all of it for Anthea's people, obviously. It wouldn't fit in our fridge. Just odds and ends for them.
I'm so proud to have started this particular wave of crazy. Also, John, if you really want to scare yourself, your next poll should be "do you read slash fic? Choose: Yes. No. Is there any other kind?"
Just FYI.
TTFN,
Bronwyn
I'm not entirely sure I want to know...
itsmeektg: Since Max is out of Disney film age (for now, anyway), Goofy and I haven't made the effort to see them, so I don't have any opinion.
And I agree, the juxtaposition of Disney princesses and alternative uses of shopping would probably be quite startling to the general population.
I'm with Nameless, L; what did you have to explain to a courtroom?
Mulan is fantastic. She's a tomboy who doesn't want to be a docile ornament like the other girls. Then the Huns invade China and her elderly father is drafted, so she disguises herself as a boy and joins the army in his place. Then she KICKS THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYBODY and saves China. Wooo!
You too, Lindsay? No wait, I'm actually not surprised by that at all.
Have I just been insulted? I do believe I have.
I would feel a lot worse about it if it wasn't basically akin to the pot calling the kettle black. :D
Mulan is definitely the BAMF of Disney princesses. Belle is my favorite though. I also have a soft spot for the on in The Princess and the Frog since I'm from Louisiana and spent many weekends misbehaving in New Orleans with my friends. I totally agree with not liking Ariel. She might be my least favorite.
As for the shopping lists, that's a pretty crazy one. My Mom and I tend to leave the house with one or two things on our list and then come home with lots of random things. Last week we went to find a cream colored shirt I could wear with the skirt I got for my birthday. We came home with the shirt, two more skirts, a dress, five pairs of shoes, two soap dishes and a chair.
Humantales, if you didn't want me to read, this ... why did you just read it to me?
hmm... Might need to pick up some cucumbers ourselves, or carrots. Some Green Squash might be nice.
Belle is definitely my favorite of the Princesses, because well, she's you.
But I do like Ariel, if for no other reason then that was the the movie that got Disney back into the animated feature film business. We wouldn't have had any of the newer princesses without Ariel.
Is it wrong that in all this chat about Disney princesses, I just keep thinking "but what about Wonder Woman?"
TTFN,
Bronwyn
I wrote my MA thesis on fanfiction. Though the work itself wasn't on slash, given the nature of fanfiction it did come up. And my supervisor made me define the term to the entire room of academics, fellow students, and my parents.
Yup. That was fun. He also made me define Wincest, since I was writing on the show Supernatural and one of the more fic-savvy profs asked a question using that term. (No, I'm not defining it here; y'all can google if needs be).
Belle is my favourite princess; she's also very me. And she may not save China, but she's a BAMF in her own quiet way.
(lol my captcha is "sated.")
I absolutely love princess and the frog (love the drawing style, the music style, the - admittedly utterly cliche - storyline... And the fact that it was just a good old cartoon and not digital 3D whatever the hell those new films are supposed to be).
As for fanfic and slash... Heh. Yeah. Do the poll, could be fun :D (And maybe we could give you some tips? I dunno, especially the good doctor seems like literary stimulation wouldn't be lost on him...)
the word I got is comis... Think the blog finds me funny? (At least someone does...)
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