Everyone goes back to their normal lives tomorrow - L to work, Sherlock to school, and Mycroft is fizzing with quiet joy because Ms P is finally back from South Africa. He's been missing her, or whatever madly advanced astrophysics they're doing, or both. I was going to feel guilty keeping L home today, but he was so wrecked after the swimming yesterday that I think it's completely justified.
It was an uphill battle keeping up with Sherlock. He can move pretty fast, even in bright orange water wings, and we nearly lost him a few times. Once when I caught up with him, he was having a splash fight with two other boys his age (also be-winged, which made him feel a bit better I think).
One of the mothers said (over the shrieking and splashing) that he must look like his mum, and I said no without thinking, because he doesn't much. She got this confused look and then L came over with Mycroft and put an arm around me, and I could just about see the words Oh-They're-Adopted flash across her eyes like a news ticker.
The other mother snatched her kid up and stalked off (as disdainfully as one can manage in waist deep water) while mother #1 geared up to tell me how we ought to consider adopting from China next time. I don't think L was as amused as I was, but it was all right - Sherlock broke in to explain everything: "No, John's my nanny and Lestrade's my DI and Mycroft's my brother and I don't want anymore, from China or anywhere else. Unless they're zombies."
It was an uphill battle keeping up with Sherlock. He can move pretty fast, even in bright orange water wings, and we nearly lost him a few times. Once when I caught up with him, he was having a splash fight with two other boys his age (also be-winged, which made him feel a bit better I think).
One of the mothers said (over the shrieking and splashing) that he must look like his mum, and I said no without thinking, because he doesn't much. She got this confused look and then L came over with Mycroft and put an arm around me, and I could just about see the words Oh-They're-Adopted flash across her eyes like a news ticker.
The other mother snatched her kid up and stalked off (as disdainfully as one can manage in waist deep water) while mother #1 geared up to tell me how we ought to consider adopting from China next time. I don't think L was as amused as I was, but it was all right - Sherlock broke in to explain everything: "No, John's my nanny and Lestrade's my DI and Mycroft's my brother and I don't want anymore, from China or anywhere else. Unless they're zombies."
48 comments:
Dn't think I'm ever as amused as you are by people like that. I should probably start making more effort.
Mind you, it was the one who removed her kid from our presence who really got me. Does she think it's catching or something?
And we're not adopting zombies. What would we do if they misbehaved? Send them to bed without any brains?
Yeah, you can get it from the water, didn't you know? Sorry, I'm not amused by it a lot of the time either, but there was something about her trying to go off in a huff like that. You just can't do it in a swimming pool. Adoption Woman annoyed me more.
It would never work, they'd go after our brains in the night.
Sad to hear that despite your government being marginally more enlightened than ours, the general public is just as stupid.
I wonder, was adoption woman an adoptive parent herself, or just a nosy parker? Seems to me that adoption advice is right up there with grabbing pregnant women's stomachs in terms of entitled intrusiveness.
Glad you had fun at the pool though. And kept Sherlock from drowning himself, of course. ;)
There's always some idiot, isn't there? No matter where you live.
Dunno, her kid looked like hers, but I didn't ask. I suppose she meant well, most people do, but does anyone want to be lectured about where they should adopt from in the middle of a swimming pool? I don't think so.
Does anyone want to be lectured about where they should adopt from ever, in any situation? At least Sherlock seems to have had the perfect rejoinder. Though I do wonder what Adoption Woman thought of "Lestrade's my DI."
Probably not, no.
Every kid needs their own DI. Every kid like Sherlock, anyway.
I love how Sherlock explains everything in reference to himself, for lo, he is the center of the universe (just like all 5 year olds think they are, bless them) and calling Lestrade his DI is just the cutest thing ever.
As for pool lady, allow me to recount a conversation I had with my son the other day: "In some countries, boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls," he says out of the blue. We haven't had that discussion yet, so I was curious as to his thoughts on the matter. "Oh yes? What countries are you talking about?" "OTHER countries. Not here." (here being the US.) "Yes, that's true. What do you think of that?" "Who cares, anyway?"
Hand to God, that's the conversation we had on the way home. So hopefully things will change sooner rather than later. And being lectured about adoption? Good Lord. What is it about kids that makes people feel they have the right to be that intrusive? I'm with Lindsay on that one. (And I've had strangers grab my pregnant belly. I'd heard stories but I didn't think people would really do that, but they DO. They're lucky I didn't pop them one in the face.)
Sherlock needs his own police force.
I'd sort of given up on the conversation by the time adoption woman got into full flow. Didn't want to cause a scene.
Honestly, these days I never know if I'm the one over reacting or if people really are arseholes. And it makes me feel awkward, especially when we're with the boys, because I don't want anything to happen, I just want to be left alone. Which means I just stop doing things to avoid all situations - like holding your hand in public, or the other day, in the park, I thought if we walked slowly, and I put my arm around you, I would probably have been just fine. But I don't want to do it because it would just take one tosser saying something in the street to ruin things. But then I think if people never get used to seeing two blokes together, then it'll never change. I never used to give a toss what people said or did. But then I've got the scars to show for it, too...
"Who cares, anyway?"
Ha! Sounds just like Sherlock. That mushy, romantic stuff, who cares? And I'm glad to know it's all five year olds and not just Sherlock who think the universe revolves around them. They grow out of it, right?
They're lucky I didn't pop them one in the face.
Extremely lucky, they would've had it coming. That's a bit creepy, honestly.
L - They are arseholes, you're not overreacting. And I'm sorry, I know it's probably easier for me to shrug it off. You've had to deal with it your whole life and I haven't. And the worst of it is that when they are arseholes, there's nothing to say or do about it. Nothing that'll actually help anyway.
You shouldn't be sorry! I've just got a whole lot of baggage that tends to skew my view to a rather more cynical side than necessary. It's completely wonderful and refreshing having you around to treat the person doing the asking/staring etc. as if they're the weirdo, whereas I just immediately want to bristle with anger, which really doesn't help. Yours is a far healthier approach.
That picture Nicky put up from the wedding reminded me of something the other day - something that gave me a fair bit f hope for the world.
When I joined up, as you can see in that picture, I had my ear pierced. And on day one at Hendon, the sarge walked along, inspecting us, grabbed me by the back of the head and shouted in my face that I better take the jewellery off right now or he and everyone else in the world would think I was a poof. As if that was a fate worse than death.
At the time I just took it out. But I wish I could find him now and show him what society can become without dinosaurs like him dragging us all back to the dark ages. (he was also racist and sexist, so I didn't feel particularly picked on, I'd like to add. He hated about half the class. Thought we were the ones dragging society down.)
I don't get the you should have adopted from China thing. If you had adopted the boys it would have been because they needed a good home and you gave it to them. It's not like there are no kids in Britain in need of good homes.
I do love Sherlock's explanation and how when you're a child what you have is what defines "normal" for you. A nanny and a DI and a brother are what makes a normal family for him. Here's hoping he's going to a good enough school that nobody disabuses him of that notion too soon.
Kholly - she probably thought we'd had them bred especially for us, or something. Designer babies? Dunno that they look enough like either of us to be the product of sperm donation and a surrogate mother, but people don't really think about the details of such things. Everything they learnt on the subject is from Brad and Angelina, no doubt. Or Elton and David. Fairly sure we have little in common with either.
(trying not to mention school, as this 'talk' I've been avoiding for months definitely seems to not be going away...)
Mazarin- I would just punch them. It's probably lucky for me and my rap sheet that I'm not planning on having kids, for a wide variety of reasons. *G*
Lestrade- I vote for 'arsehole.' The world's full of them. Honestly I think the saddest/most infuriating thing is that you feel like you have to second guess everything you do, like every perfectly normal human gesture of affection has to become a struggle for gay rights versus personal privacy. You wouldn't have to choose if people knew how to mind their own damn business.
I grew up in a household where homosexuality was always treated as something inherently shameful and the belief that being gay sent you to hell was as casual and presumptive as the belief that the earth goes round the sun. So, you know, I understand believing stupid shit because you didn't learn any better. What I never understood and STILL don't understand is why it's such a big issue for some people.
kholly- Yeah, exactly on the adoption thing.
Er. Just realized my middle comment was apretty vague. To be clear: What I don't understand are the people who seem to think seeing two men hold hands or kiss is a freak-out-worthy occurrence, or that stupid woman who yanked her kid away from you guys at the pool, or Fred Phelps and his merry band of shitheads (if you don't know who fred phelps is, DON'T GOOGLE HIM, trust me).
They grow out of it, right?
That's a rhetorical question, right? ;) Since my son is about 12 days younger than Sherlock (he'll be 6 in January?), then I have a feeling we'll find out at the same time.
One of my favorite moments this last Christmas was the gift that my youngest niece gave my sister and sister-in-law. It was a decoration that she made in school and on the base of it she had painted "To Aunt Katie and Aunt Brenda". 10 years earlier, when one of her brothers was the same age, I had made a comment to him that he'd had 3 aunts visit him that day and he said, "No 2 aunts and a friend." He was very young so I just sort of let it go. But I'm thrilled to see the progress even in just that one family. (A family who always loved Brenda regardless of what we called her.)
I am ever hopeful for the world.
Speaking of school... Much as I'm sure everyone hates the thought of giving him up for the academic year, has Mycroft decided whether he wants to go away to boarding school? I know Eton's in London, but even that couldn't be the same as having him at home...
Lindsay - sadly I do know who Fred Phelps is, yes. And when I told my family I was gay I think it broke a large number of misconceptions they had about homosexuality (once they'd stopped asking if I was sure, and checking I wasn't joking) and the father of one of my half brothers really really didn't take it well, at all. Just because it meant his boy was related to a 'queer', and that tainted him by association.
Whatever is less common is still going to be a source of curiosity to people irrespective of their feelings about it. So my feeling is to give them as much of the benefit of the doubt as you can because making a scene won't help and giving them the benefit of the doubt will at least help you keep your cool.
I don't have that much of a problem with adoption lady. She was most likely just chatting and unknowingly picked a bad topic by assuming that John was Sherlock's father. You can say that people shouldn't assume, but we all do, and it's pretty unrealistic to expect people never to share their assumptions.
Once that assumption was made, there was no way to avoid awkwardness because she was mistaken. The whole "nanny/nanny's boyfriend" discussion it would have taken to set her straight just wouldn't be worth it.
I can think of a number of different reasons, not all evil, why she'd recommend adopting from China. Given that she didn't yank her child away or run away screaming, she may deeserve the benefit of the doubt. It's certainly a lot easier on your psyche that way, anyway, than to assume she meant to be offensive.
As for the other woman: When people have been taught that homsexuality is a sin and that somehow it's a worse sin than all the others, they're not all going to rise above the prejudices society has taught them. Mostly I laugh at or feel sorry for them for buying such a load of crap. Show them up by being as nice and non-defensive as possible. They're not worth the energy it takes to be angry with them.
People are dreadfully intrusive, aren't they? There are certain things that people assume are fair game for public discussion for no other reason than that it's accepted. In Amish communities, asking a pregnant woman when her baby is due is considered completely unacceptable. For us, it's a conversation starter.
Good point about giving the China adoption woman the benefit of the doubt. I've certainly been guilty of finding myself in an awkward situation and blurting out the first thing that comes to mind and going home later thinking "China? What? Where did that come from?"
L - About your horrible instructor, I've never understood that attitude, that different is automatically bad. I don't even really understand where it comes from. Childhood, I suppose, but it seems so astonishingly wide spread that I sometimes think it must be some unfortunate part of human nature.
Also, Brad and Angelina adopted? Wasn't there a photo of her pregnant and naked on some magazine cover? Or am I thinking of Demi Moore? (Don't mock my pop culture knowledge, you're lucky I know even know who you're talking about!)
Lindsay - What I don't understand are the people who seem to think seeing two men hold hands or kiss is a freak-out-worthy occurrence
I don't get it either. Even if they don't like it, there's plenty of things other people do that irritate me no end, but I don't feel the need to accost them on the street (or in a pool) about it. I won't google Fred Phelps, Lestrade's expression was enough for me.
Mazarin - Sherlock will be six in September. Damn, that means we're ahead of you. Maybe I should ask Nicky. Hers seemed to have turned out all right.
kholly - That's lovely. I'm glad there's progress being made.
Elizabeth - Mycroft means to go to Harrow (because of Churchill), and no, I'm not looking forward to it. I don't really think he is either. He had a pretty horrible time at school and refused point blank to go back when he was ten. He's set on it though, says he needs it for his career, and I know he's right.
Des and lawless - For us, it's a conversation starter.
True, people are different all over, and I certainly don't think she meant any harm by it. And at least part of my annoyance is having to explain our situation yet again. However, I still don't think she had to go on about it quite as long as she did.
I'm sorry you guys have to deal with this bullshit. People can be such busybodies, even when they mean well.
I hope Mycroft has a good experience with his next school. I don't know much about boarding schools - will he be allowed a phone? If so, it should be easier for you all to keep in touch. And being a day student might be an option too, if Mycroft decides that would suit him better. Best of luck! I didn't much enjoy school, but I had a very supportive family and I don't know what I would have done without them.
I think Amy's right -- it wouldn't be the easiest commute for Mycroft, but being a day student is always an option. Even if he does boarding, it might help just to know that he has that choice.
Also, however much he disliked his last school, Harrow looks incredible. They have a politics society, a chemical society, and a cheese society. If that's not promising, I don't know what is. So congratulations, Mycroft!
Amy and Elizabeth - unfortunately, being a day student isn't an option, and if I'm reading the site right, nor is going home at weekends. We'll miss him terribly, of course, but I hope he'll have a good time there. The cheese society does sound promising.
What? he can't come home at weekends? Can we visit him? Either I wasn't paying attention or he didn't tell me that bit.
Obviously we'd only visit if he wants us to. Don't want to cramp his style.
It says "We do not offer any weekly or flexi-boarding" - sounds like no weekends to me?
Sounds like it. Christ. I don't know the first thing about boarding schools. I thought as it was so close we'd still see him lots.
Surely they'll let us visit? I mean, it's a school, not a prison for heaven's sake. (And I'd like to see them try to keep his mum out.)
I'm certain they won't keep his mum out. Us mere mortals though...
You're right though. Even prisoners get visiting rights.
I imagine it's also considerable less difficult to escape for a few hours than a prison. Don't worry.
Sorry, was getting my sick note.
Mycroft, if you ever need it we'll do a remake of The Great Escape on the bike. Only more successfully than the film, obviously.
I'm sure it will be brilliant for your education, but we'll all miss you a lot. I imagine Mrs H will bake care packages for your entire year, just to keep busy.
Then I imagine I won't be quite as unpopular as I have been previously.
Can we all go and look round? or at least you and your mum? Check out the other people there, and what level of learning they're at?
Yes, I've reserved a place for one of their open mornings. Also you might find this reassuring:
http://www.harrowschool.org.uk/1671/boarding/pastoral-care/home-and-school/
I rather like the idea of escaping by motorbike though.
It's half an hour from your place to the school, so any time you need to escape, you can call. (20 mins on the bike, I reckon, tops.)
It does look good. You'll certainly be busy.
Do we all get to go to the open morning? Or Just your Mum? Or your Mum and John? I don't think I've ever been anywhere that posh in my life.
I want everyone to come. I'm not sure about their rules, but Mummy will fix it if they object.
Any time? You promise?
Ah, well, you know what the job's like. I would do my best, any time. If I can't get there, I'm sure John could.
I won't lie to you and tell you I could drop everything to get to you, because if I'm knee-deep in bodies, I just won't be able to. I know you'd rather be told the truth than have me promise something I can't guarantee to keep.
I'd be honoured to come and see the place with you, though. Just help me pretend I'm educated, though?
All right.
Should I ask which part the 'all right' was to? Or just assume all of it was 'all right'?
All of it.
Boarding schools are weeiird, says the confused American. West Coast American, too, so no WASPy wannabe-Brits with their East Coast boarding schools. ^_~
I didn't live away from home until college. Even then lots of students live at home or off campus.
Annoyed - it is sort of sad that to get the very best education here you need to go to a private boarding school. But it does look like it'll offer Mycroft every opportunity to excel. Just reading about it makes me feel a bit inferior!
China? Really? That is just so...I mean...I can't even properly express my disbelief and amazement that someone can be that incredibly DENSE! What, kids from her area aren't good enough to be adopted or something? What can possibly be the difference between a child that needs a loving family in Britain, and a child that needs a loving family in China? I mean, seriously? CHINA??
And the other woman's reaction is kind of funny in a ridiculous way. I keep picturing it and giggling. But, really, I would want to smack her. Or at least watch increduously as she walks away and yell something along the lines of "Oh, yes, so mature! Way to teach your child a lesson about tolerance and human kindness!!!"
People like that make me so mad. That's actually part of the reason I usually try to stay away from religious stuff (except for choral music, the choral music is just amazing). The way I figure it, if God didn't want it, and was really as merciful as people like to preach, he a) wouldn't want you persecuting anyone because they choose to live their life differently, and b)he wouldn't allow it to exist. What kind of God would create a world full of stuff they don't like? Seems like it'd be a bit pointless to me.
Ok, rant over! :)
Everyone keeps mentioning how sad it would be not to have Mycroft around if he went to school, but WHAT ABOUT THE DOGS!? My poor puppy gets separation anxiety if we leave the room, how are the hounds going to take Mycroft being away for so long? I feel so bad for their possible suffering! Now I'm off to go give my dog a hug.
I did think about the dogs, yeah, but haven't had time to ask yet.
Post a Comment