I imagine you've read or inferred most of this, but I'm hoping it'll get clearer in my head if I write it out.
I got a call from Mycroft's school a little before two. When I got there, Mycroft's housemaster talked to me for a while before they'd let me see him. I wasn't really listening at that point. They'd already said he 'wasn't badly hurt' which meant he was hurt, and... I might've been a little rude.
He and the other boy involved were in the headmaster's office, sitting as far apart from each other as they could get. Mycroft: black eye, bruised knuckles, cut on his cheek, not deep, probably from something on the ground. The other boy: bloody nose, split lip, likewise bruised knuckles. They were outside, between classes, when it happened. The other boy said something unpleasant about L and I. It escalated. Mycroft hit him.
Mycroft wouldn't tell me what he said. When I pushed it, he told me I didn't need to know. I think he was trying to protect me.
His mum showed up shortly after that, as angry as I've ever seen her. I waited out in the hall with Anthea while she and the headmaster and the other boy's father talked. The father apologised to me afterward and said he'd talk to his son, so that's something.
Anthea was...stony. The only thing she said to me the whole time I was there was that she hadn't taken the assignment thinking she'd need to protect him from his classmates. And of course she didn't. She couldn't - that's not what she's there for. So she had to let it happen.
After that, there was...a lot of pointless talk, basically. Punishments endlessly discussed and decided on, the boys made to apologise to each other and shake hands and so on. I left a little before five and walked for a while before I got on the tube. Longer than I thought, because it was almost 6:30 by the time I got home.
I got in a lot of fights when I was Mycroft's age, and most of them were because someone had said something horrible about Harry. I think I'm supposed to say that was wrong and I regret it now, but I don't. I probably should. It wasn't very effective. But I don't know what would've been.
I told Mycroft I was proud of him, and I am. But I'm also afraid that he wouldn't have done it if I hadn't in some way taught him that violence was okay. I don't know what my point is here. Maybe I don't have one.
Anyway. I'll try to get some more sleep now.
I got a call from Mycroft's school a little before two. When I got there, Mycroft's housemaster talked to me for a while before they'd let me see him. I wasn't really listening at that point. They'd already said he 'wasn't badly hurt' which meant he was hurt, and... I might've been a little rude.
He and the other boy involved were in the headmaster's office, sitting as far apart from each other as they could get. Mycroft: black eye, bruised knuckles, cut on his cheek, not deep, probably from something on the ground. The other boy: bloody nose, split lip, likewise bruised knuckles. They were outside, between classes, when it happened. The other boy said something unpleasant about L and I. It escalated. Mycroft hit him.
Mycroft wouldn't tell me what he said. When I pushed it, he told me I didn't need to know. I think he was trying to protect me.
His mum showed up shortly after that, as angry as I've ever seen her. I waited out in the hall with Anthea while she and the headmaster and the other boy's father talked. The father apologised to me afterward and said he'd talk to his son, so that's something.
Anthea was...stony. The only thing she said to me the whole time I was there was that she hadn't taken the assignment thinking she'd need to protect him from his classmates. And of course she didn't. She couldn't - that's not what she's there for. So she had to let it happen.
After that, there was...a lot of pointless talk, basically. Punishments endlessly discussed and decided on, the boys made to apologise to each other and shake hands and so on. I left a little before five and walked for a while before I got on the tube. Longer than I thought, because it was almost 6:30 by the time I got home.
I got in a lot of fights when I was Mycroft's age, and most of them were because someone had said something horrible about Harry. I think I'm supposed to say that was wrong and I regret it now, but I don't. I probably should. It wasn't very effective. But I don't know what would've been.
I told Mycroft I was proud of him, and I am. But I'm also afraid that he wouldn't have done it if I hadn't in some way taught him that violence was okay. I don't know what my point is here. Maybe I don't have one.
Anyway. I'll try to get some more sleep now.
24 comments:
I hope you get some more sleep, John. Yeah. I used to get in the occasional fight over people annoying my sister or saying stuff about my brother. It's hard to know the right response, and I've got a bit of a temper...so I find that I'm conflicted over the thought of my niece getting into fights when she's older. My mom wasn't much better, btw. She told me off, but you could see that she was proud of me. *shrug* No advice, sorry. Mostly just thinking. Hugs anyway.
Long comment is long and rambly, sorry.
Oh John. You haven't "taught him violence is okay." You've taught him that there are things and people in the world worthy of our staunch care and protection and of that you should be rightfully proud. But as someone who spends all day with deeply gifted teenaged boys, I will gently remind you that even the most mature, brilliant an damazing thirteen year old boy is - first and foremost - a thirteen year old boy. The emotional lability that implies is immense. Our brains don't really reach maturity until we are in our twenties and until then emotional stability and impulse control are iffy at best. He'll get there.
So yes, without you in his life, Mycroft probably would have never learned that there are people worthy of love, devotion and defense and thus never have popped that little pissant in his smart mouth. But, he never would have learned to stand up for those he loves. Think of what that implies for Sherlock if nothing else.
Long story short, Mycroft is a fine and stalwart young man, and while I know he knows that whilst boxing the kid's ears was viscerally satisfying, it wasn't the right solution. He'll learn better and more effective ones. He's too bright not to. And he likely regrets the consequences. But I would be mightily shocked if he ever regrets the act itself. And that's mostly okay.
Good on you, Mycroft. Try not to do it again, yeah?
Bronwyn
I don't know what to say, except that I think you're wrong.
We live in a violent world. I can't think of anything you've done that would make him think it was 'okay'.
We'll never know exactly what was said, or who pushed who first, or the rest. But I completely trust that Mycroft would have used violence as a last resort.
Everyone else is right, you've taught him that there are some things with fighting for. I'm glad he thinks we're one of them.
John, I'm just going to say "See What Bronwyn Said." Well, and add a hug. Don't regret teaching Mycroft respect and standing up for those you love. When he's older, he'll use words (which, as you might have noticed, can be so much more vicious really) to make sure his point is taken, but right now, as Bronwyn said, he's 13.
(Mycroft, please excuse the flagrant comma abuse.)
Greg: Give John a hug from us? Sounds like he needs massive snuggles.
John, you haven't taught Mycroft that violence is acceptable, you know that, deep down.
I'm going to echo Bronwyn and Tink. Mycroft's 13; he might be a genius, but he's still a 13 year old boy, and some lessons you just have to learn for yourself. So, he's learning.
(FWIW, my experience of teenage boys is that they can be unexpectedly sweet and thoughtful, but some of them can be unexpectedly and viciously homophobic and sexist too. I don't know why, maybe it's something complex about trying to find your place in the world as a man, feeling like a hopelessly insecure child, and at the same time being crushed by a sudden flood of testosterone. They mostly grow out of it).
I wonder if you and Lestrade are both feeling so conflicted because you both rationally know that hitting someone is pretty much never the right answer, but - like most of the rest of us - you've both been in fights when you were younger which you don't really regret. So on the one hand you hate that Mycroft found himself in this situation, you wish he'd been able to find a way to not get in a fight, but you can't quite bring yourselves to condemn him completely for his actions. I think that's OK; I think that's probably the right and reasonable reaction.
Anyway, I hope by now you've all met up, maybe had some ice cream, had a good talk, and some hugs, and are all feeling better (and that goes for Anthea too; this must have been hard for her).
And good on Mrs H, taking no crap.
Please see the comments of everyone above for my thoughts. You haven't taught him that violence is ok -- when could you ever have done that?? -- but that taking a stand for someone you love is ok. When it comes to teenage boys, that often comes out in physical fights. In my experience, teenage girls are the ones who tend to use vicious words (and, in some ways, that can be worse -- at least a fist fight is straightforward and gets it out in the open and over with). Obviously that's a reductive dichotomy based purely on my own experience but there you have it.
Hah, so much for my "please see everyone above"; that became lengthier than I thought.
ON ANOTHER NOTE ENTIRELY, and hopefully to help cheer you a bit: I saw this yesterday and it made me laugh/think of you. A camel spider! (no nightmare fuel behind the link, just lulz): http://cache.virtualtourist.com/1671331-spider_camel-Dubai.jpg
I'm also afraid that he wouldn't have done it if I hadn't in some way taught him that violence was okay.
Did you tell him that too or did you stop after I'm proud of you? Because we can all speculate on what he's learned or not learned from you, but he's the only one who really knows. I'd be curious to know how he reacted to that thought from you, particularly in the moment as opposed to reading it now and having time to think.
Also I wonder if it's weird for Mycroft having all of us debating about something that was kind of a personal moment for him. So I just want to say to Mycroft thank you for allowing John to share with us your journey into becoming the fine young man you will be. And like Sherlock before he even knew the details of what happened, we are all emphatically "on your side."
John, I'm going to echo everyone up above, especially Bronwyn.
I'm also going to add this:
There are times in our lives when, no matter what we do, it's going to be wrong in some way. It's a catch 22. Could Mycroft have avoided the fight entirely? Perhaps. But then again, if he had, how much worse would the situation have become later on?
It sounds like, most of your life, you've been the one who's been in the position of fighting for what you believe in. Now that you are responsible for another, their actions reflect on you. And I can see how that would throw you for a loop.
But the thing is, that's not entirely true. Mycroft is his own person, and just like you at his age, he is responsible for his actions, to a point, and his decisions. He's a smart young man, and though he may not have acted correctly, he also knows that the actions probably weren't the best.
So, in my long winded way, this is me saying, you have to let him be his own person, no matter how much you want to wrap him up and take responsibility for everything. He's a smart young man, and he's old enough to know that his actions have repercussions and still take them anyway.
John - By nature I am not a violent person. Physical confrontation scares the wits out of me. One day in a parking lot, a couple of teens were threatening to beat up my father, throwing in some slurs because English is not his first language. I got involved.
No one was hurt at the end of it, but it was a near thing. As the saying goes, I saw red. I spent the next week shaking in terror over just how blind my fury was. I never thought about calling the police. My therapist pointed out to me that people whose loved ones are threatened will react to protect them...sometimes with words, sometimes with action.
John, you didn't teach Mycroft that violence is okay. You taught him that family is the people you love.
hugs to all
-A from NW
I totally understand seeing red, and it scares me when I do. Really scares me.
Thanks everyone for your kind wishes. We saw Mycroft earlier, then got away for a while on our own.
How is he today?
He's okay. Putting on a brave face. Saying his injuries don't hurt, and that he likes writing essays...which is true, but still.
Think we were all feeling pretty awkward, really.
I wonder if Mycroft shocked himself, not by caring, but by HOW MUCH he cared. It can be surprising.
Daisies,
Bronwyn
I'm hoping you're both no longer online, but for when you wake up...
I don't have much to add to what everyone else has been saying, or to what I said yesterday, except to say I'm proud to know all of you, and to call you friends.
(And if you lot think that's a bit too forward, I'm sorry, but I do think of you that way.)
And in case anyone was wondering but didn't want to ask (yes, I always think everything is all about me), I'm not gay, but I am Jewish, and anti-Semitism is alive and well and living everywhere, and I've run smack into nasty instances of it in places I least expected to. (If anyone wants details, ask, I don't mind talking about it--yes, that includes you, Sherlock and Mycroft. None of it is very edifying, but it's not secret either.) So I don't know exactly how you feel and I recognize the differences, but I live in the general neighborhood, so to speak.
(NOTE: I moved this from L's blog post because I think it fits better here than there.)
Thanks RR. And thanks for your message before shabbat, too. Hope you caught up on some sleep.
I did, thanks! (Apparently you are not so much.)
Catching up on looking at the unbelievably handsome man next to me and wondering how I got so lucky. It's not a bad way to spend time, I promise you.
I believe you. :)
(Now close your eyes , lie down, and get some rest. He'll still be there in the morning.)
Mycroft, I'm chiming in belatedly to say that I'd like to give you a hug right now, mostly because I know you've been turning over the whole incident in your mind without rest since it happened.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone, for sharing your thoughts, and for the reassurance/telling me not to be an idiot. It is sometimes hard to remember he's only thirteen.
And...I don't know. That's all, I suppose. As usual, I don't know what else to say.
As my grandmother always used to say, "This should be the worst thing that ever happens to you." (Or him.)
*blows a kiss to John's forehead*
Go back to sleep now, yes?
Good morning, Lestrade and Sherlock!
Did John go back to sleep?
He did, yeah. And Sherlock isn't up yet. Very peaceful.
There's something nice about having the morning to yourself now and then. :)
(Not so much on a regular basis.)
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