this is murray

Hey this is Murray, Watson's making help him weed the allotment (what is my payment?? I DON'T WANT CHARD, jesus who wants chard??) so I'm stealing his phone and trying to do this post thing. Typing loads on this keyboard is not the easiest thing in the world and he's going to see me in a minute. I mean, I have a smart phone and all but I don't use it to write f***king novels on unlike some people. Do you want to know how lon g it took me to find the star key just then?

In case anyone cares about my life apart from my mum I have two job interviews coming up, one with a perfectly normal London hospital and one with 3C's boss because she called me out of the blue and told me to be at an address at a time and I think I should go because even Watson seems possibly genuinely a bit scared of her. Army still owns my soul for now oh shit he's seen me gotta post fast

guest post

Hey, this is Murray. Sherlock says I've got to post this bat.


I guess it is pretty cool. Look at the length of that tongue. Damn. What I could do with a tongue the length of my bloody arm...anyway.

Soooo. How does this work exactly? 3C says just say stuff.  Except not that, he says. And with less swearing than usual. Right. I slept on their sofa last night. It's not bad as sofas go and I am a connoisseur of sofa sleeping. I just had to ask a seven year old how to spell that, by the way. What is my life, god. We had french toast for breakfast, that Greg's an amazing cook.

Went to see the allotment just now that Greg got Watson for his birthday, which is... I dunno. John Watson. Allotment. Not two things I would've thought went together, but he's really into it, so that's good. All their glasses match too. When did you grow up, Johnny? I only left you alone for a couple of years and nothing in your emails led me to suspect this level of adulthood although I guess getting shut down by op minimise in the middle of every other conversation made things a little weird. Started feeling like I shouldn't talk to anyone off Bastion for a while there. Like it would help or something.

Although being ancient (over forty) now I suppose matching glasses and allotments and proper jobs are age-appropriate, thank god I am still younger than you and always will be. This is bizarre, this writing thing. Makes you say things you wouldn't otherwise. Like: I'm thinking about not going back. I'll probably regret it if I don't but the way it's been since I got home, maybe there's only so much fucking over a bloke's head can take and I should stop while I'm ahead. Whatever.

Why don't I have a tag? I am giving myself a tag. 

caput mortuum

Hi this is Sherlock and today I learned that there used to be a colour of paint that was made from ground up Egyptian mummies, it was called caput mortuum or mummy brown or some other things but those two make the most sense. We had a man come to our school today to talk to us about painting and they might do an extra class sometimes that people could sign up for and I think I'd like that but we didn't get to do any today because Mrs N said they didn't have all the things and it was too messy but I think I would take the class if they do it.

The painter's name was Mr Berns with an E, not like fire, and he also restores paintings for a museum but I don't remember which one, and he said there are paints no one uses anymore because they are poisonous or no one can get the things to make them now, and we said like what, and he told us a lot, but mummy brown was the best and when I got home I looked at it on the internet and I found a thing that gives a FAKE MUMMY RECIPE for if you couldn't get real mummies.

Take the carcase of a young man (some say red hair’d) not dying of a Disease but killed; let it lie 24 hours in clear water in the Air: cut the flesh in pieces, to which add Powder of Myrrh and a little Aloes, imbibe it 24 hours in the Spirit of Wine and Turpentine...

I don't see why he should have red hair though or even be young. And also this which is about what the mummies looked like before they were made into a colour.

“They gave noisome smell at all, like pitch, beinge broken; for I broke of all parts of the bodies to see howe the flesh was turned to drugge, and brought home divers heads, hands, arms, and feete for a shewe.”

And John said it sounded a bit disrespectful making dead people into paint but I don't think it's worse than putting them in museums and I think that if I could be a paint when I die that would be all right although only if I got used by a really good painter.  

andromeda project

Hello, this is Mycroft. 

I've just been reading about the Andromeda Project, and I thought some of you might be interested. It lets you help astronomers identify star clusters in the Andromeda galaxy, as well as distant galaxies viewed through it. 

The project aims to identify star clusters in our neighboring galaxy, also known as M31. All it takes to find the clusters in Andromeda is an Internet-enabled computer and a desire to help, said Anil Seth, the team's lead investigator. "No special training is required," he said.

The Andromeda galaxy is the one nearest to our own and also the most distant object you can see in the night sky without a telescope. It was first mentioned in writing in 964 by a Persian astronomer named Abd al-Rahman al Sufi, who described it as a 'little cloud' in his Book of Fixed Stars. 

It's also on a collision course with the Milky Way, destined to arrive in roughly five billion years. Not particularly relevant to us, since our sun will most likely have cooled and expanded by then to a point where it will have swallowed up Mercury, Venus, and possibly our planet, too, so if we're not off Earth by then, Andromeda will be the least of our worries. Still interesting though. 

This is a picture of the Antennae Galaxies colliding. They intersected about 200 to 300 million years ago, and the process is still continuing today.

camping and fish and karate

This is Sherlock and I drew Lestrade wearing his uniform and also our tent because he told Mycroft we could go camping and I want to go near the sea and catch a fish. He's not camping in his uniform, it's only to show you what it looks like. I think it's kind of boring and he should have an enormous hat made of bears and a red jacket and shiny buttons but I told Lestrade that and he said then the criminals would see him coming and run away so maybe he's right, he's sort of like a ninja. 

stargazing

Hello, this is Mycroft. A few people have asked when I plan to go on the stargazing trip I mentioned. I'm going today, actually, and I've arranged with Mummy for Sherlock to go and stay with her until I get back. I thought Lestrade and John might want some time to relax, and they can't really go anywhere since Lestrade needs to be available for work.

This is a picture of the inside of our balloon being inflated. I think Lestrade has a lot more of what the city looked like from above, especially the football stadiums, so I expect he'll post some of those. 

Sherlock and I are leaving today, so I need to pack and wrap up my telescope now, but I wanted to show you a poem that John showed me first. It's called The Old Astronomer to His Pupil, and this is the last part, which I like especially: 

Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.

more on the moor (5)

Hello. This is Mycroft. I'm doing the next part because I don't think John wants to, and anyway I haven't talked about it much except with Mummy, so perhaps I should.

After I got back to the hall, I went upstairs. I meant to go to my room, but I heard an odd noise. It was a sort of thumping. When I got closer to the attic door, I could hear a man's voice as well, although not what he was saying.

I thought it had to be Hudson, and he shouldn't have been in the attics. I went up to tell him to leave. He was going through a trunk of our grandmother's things. He hit me on the head, and I don't remember very much for a time after that. I remember little bits in between, but they're mostly dark. I think he must have either blindfolded me or put something over my head. Or perhaps I was in a sack so no one would see me. There was a sack on the floor when I woke up.

I was tied to a chair in a stone room. There was a lot of computer equipment and printers, and there was also a cage with two large, black dogs in it. Hudson said he would feed me to them. He said a lot of unpleasant things.

a dual post

Sherlock wrote this part earlier and I said I'd post it when I finished my bit:

Thank you DW for the spiders, the red one is the best, I've never seen any like it here. Also I'm going to tell everyone about my dream last night where Lestrade was washing tiny elephants in a bowl on the table, there were about six in the bowl and it was a blue bowl but then he cut himself and John made him go and fix it and I had to finish washing the elephants and then one of them wore the juicer thing like a hat. I wish I could have tiny elephants for pets. 


I think we all wish that, Sherlock.

So...the bikes, yesterday. We rode all sorts, as you saw on L's post. I still like the one I posted. In red. A lot. In case anyone had doubts. L asked if I was sure I didn't want it in grey, but I think that's because he wants it in grey.

Sherlock and one or more his classmates had to be removed from the pond had to be removed from the pond six times today, Mrs T told me after school, with a warning look. It is a bit warm indoors. I said I'd talk to him about it.

I took him to the park after school with a boy from his class named Colin and Colin's mum. She told me about wanting to raise chickens, which I think might be a bit problematic in London, and that was about it because the boys had managed to have an enormous row in the first ten minutes.

It was of the he's-stupid-no-he's-stupid variety, something to do with Sherlock getting all the best sticks. They'd stopped glaring, mostly, by the time we parted company so I hope they'll both forget about it by school on Monday. I do wish Sherlock had kids his own age he wanted to play with. He doesn't seem at all lonely, but still. Sometimes I worry. I've asked his mum about it, but she just shrugs and says he'll be fine. I get the feeling she didn't have that many friends as a child either.

Anyway, we stayed at the park until almost seven, poking things with sticks and, in his case, wading in every available body of water and asking why he couldn't take all his clothes off and swim and why did it get so hot and couldn't I make it stop? No, Sherlock, I cannot control the weather. He said he knew that, DUH, but it should just be cooler or we should go to the sea or skiing. And he'd like that with a side of tiny elephants. 

removable teeth

Hello, this is Mycroft.

John and I went to this museum of surgery today. They have an operating theatre from the 1800s, with tiered standing room all around it so students could come and watch the operations. We came up this spiral staircase:

this is sherlock

We were going on a school trip to the museum which was already good and fun and we had a little bus and then it broke down and when the man came to pull it away he let me pull the lever that makes the rope get tighter and keeps the bus from falling off!! And then we couldn't get all the way to the museum or really anywhere because Mrs T said she wasn't taking all of us on the tube so then we all had ice cream and waited in a little park while she tried to get someone else to come and get us and then there wasn't enough time for the museum but that's okay because I've seen it before and we can go at the weekend anyway and THEN there still wasn't anyone to come and get us so she called some of the parents to see if they could pick up their kids early and John came and got me from the park so I got to go home early from school and really there was no school ALL DAY and now I'm home and it was the BEST DAY EVER!

my wings

Hi this is Sherlock, and these are my wings and also me playing at the school show with people watching. We don't really have spotlights but I drew them anyway and also the wings are smudgy because I was trying to use my white oil pencil to make them whiter but it didn't really work on white paper and I don't have not white paper. And the sequins aren't blue but I don't have silver and grey was stupid. Really they are white and silver.

hello

This is Mycroft. A lot of you said welcome home, so thank you for that, and also for your support when I had that bit of trouble at school. We had to write essays as punishment, and I don't remember all of mine, but this is the beginning.

I've been told that hitting Mark was the wrong thing to do. In this case, most people seem to mean 'against the rules' rather than morally wrong. It was against the rules, which is convenient. There's no need to sort out morality, or decide who to punish, or whose penalty should be heavier. We both broke the rules. We both sit in detention and write essays. 


The other thing I've heard often in the past twenty-four hours is that 'violence is wrong'. In this case, I think people do mean morally wrong, rather than just against the rules. People repeat this without appearing to give it much thought; they treat it as a universal truth, as if no one could possibly disagree. 


People do disagree. Our government disagrees, or we wouldn't currently have soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq. We wouldn't have armed forces at all, because if violence is really wrong, always, in every case, then it's wrong to use it to defend yourself, too. 


I don't know if it's wrong or not. I think the issue is more complicated than that, and I wish people would stop pretending it's simple. 


I think that what I did was wrong, not because it was violent, but because I did it without thinking of the consequences. I don't mean the consequences to me, the detention and the essay I'm writing. I mean that what I wanted was for Mark to stop being horrible about people I love, and I don't think hitting him accomplished that, so it wasn't a very good idea. 

There was a lot more, because we were there for hours, but that was the main point. But I don't know what I could've done instead that would've been more effective. I've been thinking about it, and I still don't.

In a way, it did help. I've met a few other boys because of it who think what I did was right and brave and also 'really cool'. I didn't expect that. And a lot of people here said that it was good to stand up for your family, too, and that some things are worth fighting for.

I don't know if that's true or not. A lot of things are confusing right now. But even though it wasn't very effective, I don't think I'm sorry I hit him. 

my bug

Hi this is Sherlock. I drew a picture of my bug since I couldn't keep it but I think it would've liked to live inside with me all winter where it doesn't get cold and I could have fed it leaves and things because I think that's what it eats and then it could go back outside in the spring but John said no.

I looked up on the internet about people who collect bugs and butterflies and it said how to make a killing jar with a piece of cotton with alcohol on it but I didn't want to kill it, I just wanted to keep it. I have some dead bugs but they were already dead when I found them. Is that how the museum got all their bugs and butterflies? If there were bug detectives, the museum people would get in trouble for that.

John is watching the tennis and Lestrade is still at stupid work and I'm booooooorrrrreeeedddddddd. 

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY

Hello it's Sherlock again, I'm posting from John's phone because I'm BORED and stuck in stupid traffic and no one will tell me what my surprise is. School was fun and I guess I'm glad I went because Mrs T brought in cake and Mendia and Peter even gave me presents.

One was this massive dead bug she found which was really brilliant and I'm going to dry it out and pin it to a card like the bugs in the museum, and Peter's was a water pistol, but Mrs T said I couldn't fill it up until I got home and I'm not home yet because John and I never went there after school, we walked around and got a snack and went to the park. He said I was bothering the ducks, but I only wanted to see their feathers better to see how the water slides off them.

And after my surprise we're going to have pizza and liquid nitrogen ice cream and it will be amazing. I hope we get ice cream and then pizza because I don't want to be too full of pizza for ice cream. 

family portrait

Hello. It's Mycroft again. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who's been leaving comments wishing me well. It's really very kind of you all. I'm going to read them again when I get to school. I don't know how anyone went off to school without computers and email and Skype; it must've been dreadful.

Here is the picture Sherlock drew for me, or at least drew and eventually decided to give me. He got really angry that he didn't have the right colour pencils for anyone's skin, or for John's jumper, or Mummy's hair. But I think it looks like us anyway.

Thank you, Sherlock. I like it a lot, and it's better than a photograph because Anthea won't let us take pictures of her, and the dogs won't hold still.

I'm going to try to sleep now. 

harvey the fish

Hi this is Sherlock again. I said I would draw Harvey the fish's sarcophagus so here it is. It has Isis on it and the other parts are mostly from Tutankhamun's mummy case, the inside one with the colours, not the just gold one, even though Harvey wasn't a pharaoh or even a king.

another guest post

Hello. This is Mycroft. I can't sleep, and I don't want to wake anyone up, so I thought I'd talk to the internet. Why not? Everyone else is doing it.

I wanted to say something anyway. Thank you. You've all been really kind to me, and generous in speaking about your own experiences at school, and I haven't replied, mostly. Because I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say a lot of the time.

It helps, to hear so many people agree that things will improve eventually, even if I'm not sure I believe it.

It's five now. Sherlock will probably wake up soon, so I'm not sure there's any point in trying to go back to sleep. We're going to go to the motorcycle shop today, where John got his protective clothing, so that I can get some too. I didn't think I'd ever ride a motorcycle in my life, so I suppose some things can change. I'm going to go downstairs now and make tea and wait for everyone else to wake up.


I probably won't know what to say to the responses to this post either. But anyway, thank you.

this is sherlock

Hi I'm writing this instead of John because John is talking to the fridge man. We put all the vegetables in Mrs Hudson's fridge yesterday but the ice cream wouldn't fit in her freezer because of all the things she has in there, mainly biscuits but also other things that aren't as good, but Lestrade always wonders how she has so many biscuits, so that's how.

Also Kira asked if my school was doing a show or anything for the end of the year and we're not, which is good, there wouldn't be any time, we don't even really have enough time to mummify Harvey the fish properly because there are lots of rituals and it takes a month but I think it's okay to do it faster because he's much smaller than a person although it's sad we didn't get to pull his brains out with a hook. Do you think maybe next year we could do a whole person? John told me some people get frozen when they die, or turned into diamonds, so there must be someone who wants to get mummified and we'd be really good at it after we practice on Harvey.

We are having a day with races and things where the parents come to watch, except I don't know if Mummy's coming, but John will and I hope Lestrade will too and Mycroft said he'd do the three legged race with me although I had to ask him for days and days before he said yes. There is also one where you carry eggs on spoons and one where you toss pancakes over strings and I think Lestrade would be really good at that one, he's a good tosser, but I don't know if the grow ups are allowed to do it.

John is shouting at the fridge man now. Not really shouting, but John can shout without being loud. The fridge man said he couldn't fix it until Monday but I think he's going to fix it now. And then we can buy more ice cream! I want chocolate and strawberry and also maybe the kind with fudge swirled in it.

And I just saw in Lestrade's post that he got the murderer so I hope he's coming home today, I'm going to tell John!

john won't be posting today

Because I won't let him use my computer. And I stole his mobile.

Cheers,
Lestrade

the plague, day 7

Lestrade here again. John is an unsurprisingly terrible patient, but I can't blame him. I'm always the same way. It's hell not being able to do anything when you're used to being up and about every second of the day.

Another science joke from the comments (Mycroft is still slaying his maths tutor with these, and even I found this one hilarious):