If anyone wants a short summary of how the meeting with Bryan went, see subject line. For a slightly fuller account, read on.
In addition to being an enormous wanker, Bryan's tallish, with sort of scraggly facial hair - you know, like "I haven't shaved recently, but that's because it's far too mundane and I'm much too busy with my art"? I may be reading too much into his stubble. It's possible. Actually, maybe not, because that sentence covers pretty much his entire physical appearance.
I can sum the whole experience of meeting him up in one sentence as well: I like him considerably less than people who have actually tried to kill me.
The whole thing was less an opportunity to discuss anything about the dissolution than a chance for him to take cheap shots at Lestrade, a distressing number of which clearly hit home, even though they were utter crap. (Not to say they didn't discuss the dissolution as well, but I'll leave L to talk about that if he wants to. It's really none of my business.)
There was a lot of stuff about L's hours and how all he cares about is the job and some unfortunate implications about him liking dead bodies better than live lovers. Which was all equal parts absurd and enraging - enraging because it was upsetting L and absurd because it was...absurd.
Lestrade's one of the most generous, kind, honest, and loving people I've ever met, and I just couldn't find any connection between what Bryan was saying and...well, reality. So, I was enraged and baffled.
And he had things to say about me, of course, which was worse in a way, because I think it upset L more. I won't say all his shots fell short of the mark. He has an exceptional talent for being nasty. If only he had the same for photography - there, look, I can do it too. Ugh. (...I can't, actually. Those photos he took of L were pretty good. Dammit.)
His last was a complete miss, though. He'd clearly been saving it up - saw L's hand and my face and came to the conclusion that my face was because of his hand. It took me a second to get that he was actually suggesting L hit me. Laughable. I did laugh, and got odd looks from Bryan and L for it, but my sense of humour is slightly dodgy at the best of times, and this was not the best of times. But seriously, can you imagine it? Under any circumstances? I can't.
Anyhow, glad it's over with, very glad L let me come along. I would've worried myself to death at home. Also quite glad it's over.
In addition to being an enormous wanker, Bryan's tallish, with sort of scraggly facial hair - you know, like "I haven't shaved recently, but that's because it's far too mundane and I'm much too busy with my art"? I may be reading too much into his stubble. It's possible. Actually, maybe not, because that sentence covers pretty much his entire physical appearance.
I can sum the whole experience of meeting him up in one sentence as well: I like him considerably less than people who have actually tried to kill me.
The whole thing was less an opportunity to discuss anything about the dissolution than a chance for him to take cheap shots at Lestrade, a distressing number of which clearly hit home, even though they were utter crap. (Not to say they didn't discuss the dissolution as well, but I'll leave L to talk about that if he wants to. It's really none of my business.)
There was a lot of stuff about L's hours and how all he cares about is the job and some unfortunate implications about him liking dead bodies better than live lovers. Which was all equal parts absurd and enraging - enraging because it was upsetting L and absurd because it was...absurd.
Lestrade's one of the most generous, kind, honest, and loving people I've ever met, and I just couldn't find any connection between what Bryan was saying and...well, reality. So, I was enraged and baffled.
And he had things to say about me, of course, which was worse in a way, because I think it upset L more. I won't say all his shots fell short of the mark. He has an exceptional talent for being nasty. If only he had the same for photography - there, look, I can do it too. Ugh. (...I can't, actually. Those photos he took of L were pretty good. Dammit.)
His last was a complete miss, though. He'd clearly been saving it up - saw L's hand and my face and came to the conclusion that my face was because of his hand. It took me a second to get that he was actually suggesting L hit me. Laughable. I did laugh, and got odd looks from Bryan and L for it, but my sense of humour is slightly dodgy at the best of times, and this was not the best of times. But seriously, can you imagine it? Under any circumstances? I can't.
Anyhow, glad it's over with, very glad L let me come along. I would've worried myself to death at home. Also quite glad it's over.
69 comments:
Just wish it hadn't taken me all those years to come to the same conclusion.
L - To be fair to him (which I don't want to be, at all) it just seems like he never grew up at all. I suppose it must have been frustrating when everyone else moved on and he didn't.
...it just seems like he never grew up at all.
Well, you either grow together or grow apart, or in Bryan's case, not grow up at all. What a complete dick. And I'd have laughed too, John, in utter shock he'd have the absolute nerve to imply what he did, given his history.
Des, I suppose John's right in that he never grew up. When we got together we were always out at gigs, with friends, all that. But I got more involved with work and less with the music/art/gay scenes and he didn't. Like Mazarin said, we grew apart, and he didn't like it.
And you know how it goes with bullies, lots of them were picked on once, and then find someone weaker to pick on in turn. Suppose that's what he thought I'd done. But it is laughable to think John is weaker than me.
It's laughable to think you'd do it to anyone! You don't even like hitting criminals when they're actively trying to hit you!
Maybe he thought I'd finally grown a pair (not that I'm saying violence shows that. Just in his view it probably does.)
He didn't seem the same as when he came to mine. Maybe just because you were there. Or because he's getting the picture that I'm not going to roll over like he wants.
It'd be pretty stupid to try to push you around in public too.
And I never meant to imply in any way that you're weak. You know that, right? I just can't imagine you ever trying to hurt me. You're just not like that.
I wouldn't. Couldn't.
And how can I possibly not be weak? You saw him. Some little bastard, vicious, but there's nothing to him. And I let him rule my life for bloody years, instead of walking away. How is that anything but weak?
oh, boys ♥
If he weren't such a bastard I'd almost feel sorry for him. He clearly never managed to see the generous, kind, honest, and loving person you know. Or if he did he's managed to selectively forget. And while I'm sure that Lestrade has grown as a person since the time that they met I can't really imagine that he's fundamentally that much different.
Well, I suppose Bryan's loss for being a wanker is John and the boys' gain for being loving, supportive, and ready with biscuits after a tough afternoon.
At least it's another step along the path of never having to deal with him again.
L - It happens to people every day, and I know you'd never think worse of any of them for it.
From what you've said, it seems like it just got worse bit by bit. When it's something that builds like that...I think it's easy to not even really realise what's happening, until it's so bad you can't ignore it any longer.
You're a strong person. It was one of the first things I saw in you.
I think your main weak spot is your poor sense of your own self-worth, Lestrade. It sounds like Bryan is one of those guys who's really masterful at emotional manipulation and was able to keep you down for so long because he knew you'd go on putting his wants before yours.
Not your fault. Just really terrible luck that you found someone like him at a vulnerable stage in your life.
Lestrade - It can be hard giving up the more positive view you had of someone starting out. Stop beating yourself up for hoping things would work out.
Now that you've broken with him and stayed away this long, there's no reason for Bryan's opinion to hold any water.
I hope you're able to get this behind you as soon as possible. I hate to think of the two of you having this stress on top of all of the others.
Letting someone hurt you because you love them isn't weak; part of loving someone is giving up things -- that gig you'd rather go to than meet their friends? Folding your clothes rather than throwing them on the chair? Little surrenders that we don't mind because we adore them more than we adore having everything as we please.
And there are times that seems to be letting them win an argument, trying to get them to lower their voice, stop pacing and shouting and gesticulating; every little step is a small one, and the memory of having loved them can keep you long after the actual love has burnt itself out.
Not weakness, but perhaps foolishness -- and what is love but foolishness where one person is concerned?
Sorry, shouldn't be taking this out on any of you. That really does bring me down to his level - lashing out just because i feel like crap.
Especially not you, John, after everything you've done for me.
Bryan is undoubtedly very annoyed I find someone as brilliant as you to share my life with, after all the effort he put in to telling me I'd spend the rest of my life alone if I left him.
Ditto everything John and RJ said. I think it's a truism that loving someone makes you vulnerable to them. It's just one of the risks we run when we let ourselves care for people, but it's still preferable to shutting yourself off.
Hugs and congratulations to both of you for making it through what I'm sure was a very infuriating, frustrating, and (especially for Lestrade) painful meeting.
And good on you, John! Even though you didn't plan it, I bet you laughing at what was supposed to be his triumphant parting shot was far more effective than kicking him under the table would have been.
Blimey, Lestrade, you're allowed to be a bit grumpy after the day you've had.
FWIW, I think Lindsay, RJ and John are right. It can be *so* difficult to see what's happening when you're in the middle of a situation that's getting slowly worse. Thank god you're in a better situation now - the sort of situation you deserve, surrounded by people who love, respect and value you for who you are.
I'm having a very hard time thinking of socially acceptable things to say. The entirety of my reaction falls into one of two categories: inappropriate violence or inappropriate humor. Mostly just inappropriate. So I'm going to go with Greg, you're a star. John, you're a hero. And then I'm going to shut my trap before I start in with the bad knock knock jokes. My only defense is at least I know I'm socially unacceptable.
TTFN,
Bronwyn
Nameless - surrounded by people who make me spider biscuits? Yeah - believe me, I know how lucky I am now. I really do.
John has been wonderful all day. The boys are both being great now we're home.
Sherlock told us earlier that the reason he's currently obsessed with spiders etc. is that the school are going on a trip for a day - to handle snakes, spiders, all kinds of creatures in a special zoo-type place.
I think John should volunteer as a parent/carer type assistant, to ensure Sherlock gets a very thorough pat down before leaving. Because he will try to steal things.
And I think I should go so I can pet tarantulas. And before anyone brings up camel spiders - 1. Don't and 2. someone left a comment on that post saying camel spiders aren't even real spiders, so...there.
I doubt there'd be camel spiders. Apparently it's the place they put all the animals confiscated from people who are smuggling them through Heathrow Airport.
Somehow I doubt anyone would try getting a Camel Spider into the country down their keks.
But they do have some baby crocs, or alligators or something.
I'm almost tempted to come myself. For the snakes and crocs. NOT for the spiders. four legs good, eight legs bad.
Thanks for the camel spider reference, John. I think I need to go check my boots again. Just to be sure...
DW - Ha, I told everyone it's not just me with a horror of those things. You can never be too careful.
L - can't say I'd want an alligator down there either! And tarantulas are furry and too big to skitter up your trousers without you noticing. That's got to count in their favour.
I don't think I'd mind a tarantula. You can almost think of them as being like small rodents, rather than large spiders.
Honestly, it's more stuff like centipedes and things I don't like.
And I don't want any of it coming back here in Sherlock's pockets.
I don't want any of it coming back here in Sherlock's pockets.
Nor do I. I'll talk to Mrs T about one or both of us going along.
Maybe you need to find clothes for Sherlock that don't have pockets?
A speedskating suit would have the advantage of drying quickly if there's a pond....
I think there is a pond. Good point.
Not so sure I want to go now...
I went to a college that was practically overrun with tarantulas during the spring and summer months. We used to catch them and carry them to class with us for kicks. Luckily, I never had any real fear of them, though my roommate never managed to get past her aversion.
While they are roughly the size of kittens, I guarantee they have the small pet tendency to be underfoot at all times. Thus, let me just say this before you bring one home as a pet: I once stepped on one whilst wearing flip-flops and it was like stepping on a Nerf ball soaked in custard. With crunchy bits. Possibly the single most revolting experience of my life and considering the crap I get up to for fun, that's saying a considerable amount. Just FYI. Honestly, non-poisonous snakes are far less disgusting.
TTFN,
Bronwyn
John, you are the reason that the very nice people at the deli where I like to order my lunch think I'm a complete lunatic. All they see is me checking something on my phone and reacting:
I may be reading too much into his stubble. I laughed.
I like him considerably less than people who have actually tried to kill me. I wanted to drop-kick Brian (I might have growled a little).
Lestrade's one of the most generous, kind, honest, and loving people I've ever met, and I just couldn't find any connection between what Bryan was saying and...well, reality. So, I was enraged and baffled. I got all teary-eyed . . . just in time to order my veggie burger.
Bottom line: you're lovely and I'm so glad Greg has you - all of you, your quiet strength, your willingness to fight, your dodgy sense of humor - on his side. But, also, and this is the part that I'm having trouble believing myself: I feel sorry for Bryan. Can you imagine having talent (those photos are wonderful) and a man like Greg and still ending up angry and pathetic and malignant? That's just so sad.
But enough about him. I'm glad you got through everything and even managed a few laughs. And this made me think of you: http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2011/06/us_coast_guard_looks_to_sell_2.html
And he had things to say about me, of course, which was worse in a way, because I think it upset L more. I won't say all his shots fell short of the mark. He has an exceptional talent for being nasty. If only he had the same for photography - there, look, I can do it too. Ugh. (...I can't, actually. Those photos he took of L were pretty good. Dammit.)
Sorry - don't know how to edit - but my previous comment was meant to end with the link.
When I was stationed in AZ we had tarantula mating season. Long story short, I got injured while on a training exercise, and was left to lay on the ground for a good 45 minutes before we determined I could walk. Not 10 seconds after I stood up, a huge tarantula calmly walked past where my head had been. I have never hobbled away from anything so fast in my life, nor have I seen six grown men shriek and grab shovels and pickaxes so quick, either.
I don't care of they're harmless. Just, no. And John? Yeah, as far as I'm concerned, camel spiders are about as evil as the face-huggers from Aliens.
I probably shouldn't mention the time I took one to my e&m class and hid it in my lab partners baseball cap? Right? Though, Jesus God that was funny.
TTFN,
Bronwyn
People used to play tricks like that on me, Bronwyn. It wasn't very nice.
Ahh Myc, I'm sorry. Perhaps I should explain that my lab partner and I had a semester long prank war during our senior year. Our physics dept. was very small and so by senior year there were just 8 of us going into the graduate program. Thus we got a bit silly and stupid. He rigged the door to spray me with silly string, I put a tarantula in his hat. He froze my flip flop in liquid N, I set his calculator language to Korean. Our professor made us stop when we blew a hole in the ceiling. Literally.
I'm so sorry people have played tricks like that on you in mean spirit. I hope some day you have friends you can trust enough to be silly and stupid with. Putting a tarantula in someone's hat would be awful and cruel under most circumstances and I should have thought of that before I told only half a story. I didn't mean to dredge up unpleasant memories.
I sincerely apologize, Myc. I'll do better in the future.
Yours,
Bronwyn
John, I don't even know how to tell you how grateful I am to you. Thank you for going with Orio. Thank you for being a wonderful person who he trusts enough to help him. Thank you to you and the boys for cheering him up and being there for him.
And can you please ask him to call me tonight? I know he's ignoring my calls because he doesn't want to talk about whatever this case is or Bryan, but I need to talk to him about Danny. Orio - I'm sure you read this. Call me! Or pick up when I call you.
One of the buildings at my uni used to keep baby crocodiles on the roof. They make the cutest little squeaking sound and the used to pass them around during first-year biology lectures. Unfortunately one ended up escaping into the the lake and gardens nearby, so we no longer have them. Though there are still turtles, fish and prawns. :)
I'll call tonight, Nicky. He okay? If it's serious, call me and I promise to answer.
Bronwyn - I don't think he likes being called Myc. i do it, occasionally, and get an icy stare in return. But he's probably too polite to say anything on here.
Anon - baby crocs sound brillliant. John, tell Mrs T I volunteer for reptiles, not for spiders or insects... And not for fishing Sherlock out of any ponds.
(the mental image of sherlock emerging from a pond, covered in god knows what, clutching handfuls of bewildered amphibians, and grinning from ear to ear, has just made my day.)
*sighs* That'll teach me to respond to anything at four AM. I'm just going to resign myself to Mycroft (sorry about the nickname) quietly loathing me. Sorry again, Mycroft.
Bronwyn
He won't loathe you! He's just...particular about his name. He doesn't understand why I don't go by 'Gregory' either. John gets his approval, which isn't fair, because it's not like you can sensibly shorten that.
Innie - glad to entertain. And assist you in looking mad. :)
Can you imagine having talent (those photos are wonderful) and a man like Greg and still ending up angry and pathetic and malignant?
I can't. I don't know what could've happened. And I probably should feel sorry for him when you put it like that, but I hate him too much right now.
Love the lighthouses. That was exactly the sort I wanted, run down and lonely. I hope that idiot from the article doesn't succeed in making one an "all night part house." Ugh.
piplover - I would not be surprised at all to witness a camel spider bursting from someone's chest after eating their insides. I can quite easily believe it of them.
justblue - it's like you can see the future…
Bronwyn, I got made fun of for my name as well, but it's a perfectly good name, and I'm not going to shorten it to make other people more comfortable. It's all right. I know you didn't know.
Thank you, Mycroft. But if you resent me or dislike me, that's all right too, you know. I'm obnoxious, loud, pushy and exuberant. I'm aware of all of this, and I can understand how I could make you uneasy. Please don't feel that you are required to play nice with me simply because you feel it's polite.
That said, I do know what it's like to be odd, and I applaud you for your determination to be yourself and only yourself. Keep on trucking.
TTFN,
Bronwyn
And Daddy gave us our names, so Mummy says we should be proud of them. And we are.
As you should be, Sherlock. :)
Mycroft, I know exactly where you're coming from on this one. I think my given name (Kimberly) is pretty and is what I prefer for people to call me, but everyone shortens it to Kim. I mostly don't fight it (because it's just habit for people, not any kind of a statment), but I do find it irritating.
And I'm glad to hear y'all have made it through the last few days in one (colorful) piece, with humor intact and it sounds like even stronger. Go Team Baker Street!
You'll never have to worry about people confusing you with someone else. My real first name is Sarah. Four times in my life I had a best friend also named Sarah, and one year I was at a camp where there were five Sarahs total. You'll never find yourself saying "Which Sherlock do you mean?"
The other thing about being a Sarah is you can't nickname it if you wanted to. At least you can choose not to shorten your names, we're just stuck with Sarah (or Sarah 2 as I was for four years of primary school)
Come on, Des, Sarahs of the world UNITE!
At least we can be elitist about how we spell it. I see you spell it with an 'h' - the proper way.
That is the only way to spell it. Any other way and you're pronouncing it wrong *firm nod*
Hee! I like my name for both reasons: I run across precious few Lindsays (although it's not at Sherlock's caliber in terms of uniqueness) and there's no possible way you can get a nickname out of it. Also, nothing rhymes with Lindsay, which is extremely important when you grow up being bullied by idiots.
My mother remains inordinately annoyed because she intended my youngest brother to always be known as "Alexander," but once he got to school it immediately became Alex. Now he's Alex forever. ;) (He likes it though; just not my mom.)
My RL name is both long and easily mispelled. It's also neither common nor uncommon. In my life, I have had no fewer than seven different nicknames. I've spent years going by my full name (which is how I think of myself) and answering to whatever people see fit to call me. I've had points where I've cared desperately what people called me and I've had points where I didn't give a rats patoot. Now, I've gotten to the point that I mostly don't care what anyone calls me save for my students.
C'est la vie with a name like mine.
TTFN,
Bronwyn
My name is unique in that my father didn't actually know how to spell it. He wasn't quite sure which of the vowels were e's and which were a's, so he made them all a's. The result is Magdalana, which was a bear for me as a five-year-old to say, let alone spell. Now, I just go by Lana (Lay-nuh).
Bronwyn, I got through a fair few nicknames myself. It's quite nice that almost everyone just calls me Lestrade now. I barely even remember that 'Gregory' is really my name.
I do wonder what people think when we're out together and John and the boys call me it though. Mind you, with the boys' names, everyone probably thinks John is the odd one out, with his nice normal name.
People love to shorten my name. I have tons of nicknames although most people call me Cat. My dad calls me caffeine because when I was little I never stopped moving and never seemed to get tired. My family joked that I was born with more caffeine in my veins than blood. The only nickname that bothers me is Kitty which guys sometimes call me because they think it's cute.
As for snakes, spiders, and alligators, my school has an entire swamp on campus complete with fish, gators, and turtles. It's pretty cool most of the time but I always worry about it when it rains and campus floods.
They probably think your parents were very strange people. At least if they're anything like folks over here.
I'd list my nicknames for you, but I'm not really comfortable bandying my name about the internet. We all have our issues. But they are legion. And some of them were really really awful in my opinion.
TTFN,
Bronwyn
I wanted desperately to shorten my name in middle school and high school but I'd been with the same kids since kindergarten so there was no changing anybody's habits. I loved going to college where I knew no one and could call myself whatever I wanted. Now I only use the long version of my name for official stuff - contracts and credits - and most people call me by my short name except for my mother and, for some inexplicable reason, my best friend's boyfriend.
My internet name is an old obscure high school nickname that only one person ever called me but I do kind of like because I like where it comes from.
There were not many Kellys when I was growing up, but after I started working, I was suddenly surrounded by them! When I was in the Army, we all went by our last name, and since mine is so long, it was just shortened, or made into different names that sounded similar. I just responded if it sounded even close to mine! However, I found it kind of fitting that it was what my dad used to be called while in the Navy, and my aunt while she was in the Army. I guess it's just destiny!
Lestrade, when I got out of the Army, it took me a long time to remember that I had a first name, let alone respond to it when people talked to me! I totally understand where you're coming from!
My name isn't really shorten-able, so I guess I got off easy! There were always a few other Amys around though, variously spelt.
At primary school I remember Penelope, Constance, and Kimberley being *very* particular about not responding to Penny, Connie, or Kim.
Trills -- Actually, my family has used the traditional nickname for Sarah, which is Sally, for a couple of generations now. But I know my sister has often commented on how people outside our family don't understand where she got "Sally" for Sarah. It was our mom's name/nickname, so it always seemed normal to us.
I suppose Sally is going the way of nicknames for Mary. I know from our baby names book that a startling number of names were traditional nicknames for Mary (Molly, Polly, and probably two dozen others.) But I don't know anyone who would assume a Molly was really a Mary nowadays.
Sarahs -- It could be worse. You could be Australian, then your name would be shortened to Shazza.
Throughout highschool I refused to go by Lozza, which is the usual nickname for Lauren, so I went by Laurie instead. :)
I'm pretty sure that there is no name that cannot be bogan-fied by Australians. It even happens to our cities eg. Brisbane = Brissie. Jonno and Greggo are common (to the extent that in real life I don't know a single John who isn't called Jonno outside of work hours). Sherlock and Mycroft are harder, but I 'think' their names turn into Sherlo/Shazza and Myco/Myc.
My physics class in high school (24 students) had 4 Rebeccas. Also three Davids and two Mikes.
I was also good friends with three other Rebeccas in college, thus we had Bread Becca (me, as I baked) and Maine Becca and Kansas Becky and Becky. Coincidentally, my group of friends was rounded out with two Meghans, plus one Heather. When we were introduced in a big group we got some very strange looks.
Ahh, see, there's even another Katherine here. (well, Catherine, but still) There's a lot of us. And my middle name is just as common...So very many nicknames. And every time I meet someone older than 65, they sing "K-k-k-Katie!" to me.
I'd have to say the title really does say it all. He sounds exactly like an enormous wanker with a tiny...brain. And way to go, John, laughing at him. It made my day to read that.
Um...also, I'd check the pockets of any of Sherlock's classmates on that trip. I'm sure he's getting very good at looking innocent, but you can bet any kids he may talk into smuggling creatures out won't be.
Anon - but... Shazza isn't any shorter than Sarah! Also, I think I'd like to be called Shazza. Although I guess it's not as uncommon in Australia as it sounds to me. Anyway, most of my friends call me by my last name now, possibly because I so often have friends called Sarah.
I'm another Sarah -- although I've swapped to my middle (Curry) at this point. So many of us around!
Nicknames are always interesting. I think the most fun ones are the ones that don't actually have anything to do with your given name, but my friends have ended up nicknamed anything from Catling to Duchess, so...
So true, Curry. I cal my little sister Sarah "Toadstool" for no reason. And midget, but that just my older sibling duty.
My name is hard to shorten too, but my cousin once did, to "Sherry baby." Very annoying.
Bryan is an arse. I'm glad Lestrade is with John now.
Good luck with that field trip and keeping critters you don't want in the house out of the house.
Oh God! There are so many freaking Jessicas! I got to the point in high school where they would call roll and I would automatically respond with" "Which one?"
I prefer my nickname, Squirrel. When I was in daycare (when I was like 5) one of the teachers there noticed that my brother and I stuffed our cheeks when we ate. He started calling me squirrel, and my brother was Chipmunk.
Ha! That is a very cute story.
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