Anon wanted to know: When you've been with girlfriends is there anything you miss about men? And now you're with Greg is there anything you miss about women?
The short answer is no. The slightly longer answer has to do with romance and why I've historically been pretty terrible at it.
In my early thirties I had a string of short-lived relationships with women - a few months each - and I came out of each of them not missing men exactly, but missing how much simpler things usually were with men. And I know (or assume) your question was referring to physical differences, but I never really cared about those much, it was all fine, all good.
The differences I saw were mental and emotional...and also they were nothing to do with the differences between men and women. They were about the differences in romantic relationships vs non-romantic.
But I didn't realise that for a long time, and in the back of my mind I think I blamed the women I was with for not being more like men. By which I meant wanting more of me than I was willing to give to anything except my job and my team.
And then I met Laura (the woman in Egypt, owner of Biscuit), who had no interest in me romantically, and that was great. And as a side effect, I became slightly less of an idiot.
Well. Maybe slightly less of an idiot. Because mainly it served to convince me that I wasn't fit for a romantic relationship at all. Maybe that was true at the time. Maybe not. I don't know really.
But in answer to your actual question instead of rambling about romance: no. I love the human body, I think it's amazing in just about every form, and there are so many more (and more important) differences - even just physical differences - from person to person than male vs female that I just don't think of it that way. I have occasionally missed someone's specific physical traits, but not not men or women in general.
The short answer is no. The slightly longer answer has to do with romance and why I've historically been pretty terrible at it.
In my early thirties I had a string of short-lived relationships with women - a few months each - and I came out of each of them not missing men exactly, but missing how much simpler things usually were with men. And I know (or assume) your question was referring to physical differences, but I never really cared about those much, it was all fine, all good.
The differences I saw were mental and emotional...and also they were nothing to do with the differences between men and women. They were about the differences in romantic relationships vs non-romantic.
But I didn't realise that for a long time, and in the back of my mind I think I blamed the women I was with for not being more like men. By which I meant wanting more of me than I was willing to give to anything except my job and my team.
And then I met Laura (the woman in Egypt, owner of Biscuit), who had no interest in me romantically, and that was great. And as a side effect, I became slightly less of an idiot.
Well. Maybe slightly less of an idiot. Because mainly it served to convince me that I wasn't fit for a romantic relationship at all. Maybe that was true at the time. Maybe not. I don't know really.
But in answer to your actual question instead of rambling about romance: no. I love the human body, I think it's amazing in just about every form, and there are so many more (and more important) differences - even just physical differences - from person to person than male vs female that I just don't think of it that way. I have occasionally missed someone's specific physical traits, but not not men or women in general.
32 comments:
Honestly, as a woman, I can say that women are difficult. This is why I usually end up with men as friends rather then women.
I know that sounds kind of bad, but I think men are easier because they're more straight forward. They don't play as many games, and I know where I stand with men.
In other words, totally understand what you mean. Not a physical gender thing, but a mental one.
I've definitely known a few completely not straight forward men. And a few very straightforward women. But broadly is agree, Piplover.
Glad it's all good, Danger. And you won't mind when I'm older and fatter and have man boobs.:)
I wasn't fit for a romantic relationship at all. Maybe that was true at the time.
But you don't think that's true now?
Don't know if my opinion is worth anything here, but I don't think it's true now. He's wonderful, romantic, supportive, loving, caring - everything anyone could want, really.
Oh, totally agree, Lestrade! I was speaking perhaps a bit too broadly.
Live you, I've known some very straightforward women, and some men who are totally not. But I think, in general, men are more straightforward.
Maybe, in general (although how helpful is 'in general' when there are so many exceptions? not sure), but that wasn't the source of my problems, if you see what I mean.
DW - no, I don't think it's true now. I don't know what changed, but I'm grateful for it.
L - thanks, love.
Well, I hardly think I was fit for a romantic relationship when we met. But you sort of proved me wrong, I'm glad to say.
Maybe we sort of got each other into a fit state for it along the way. Maybe that's how it always works? Dunno.
Almost ready to go?
Maybe. And knew enough and understood enough to give each other time.
Yeah...think so.
Where are we going?
Nowhere that exciting, I'm afraid, just dinner. :)
No helicopters or sas?
Dinner with you, 12 months on, that's exciting.
Yeah, you're right actually. A year! That is pretty amazing. Thanks for sticking with me.
I can virtually guarantee no helicopters this time.
Sticking with you? I'd be lost and adrift without you.
The virtually because Mrs Holmes reads this blog and who knows what she might do?
L - I don't know what or where I'd be without you, but I know I'd rather not find out.
Rider - well, you never know. Anything's possible.
Good, because you won't find out, I hope.
Lestrade, I'd think yours would be one of the only two opinions that matter.
John, I didn't think so, given what we see of your relationship with Lestrade.
Happy anniversary (whenever you decide it is), you two. Many happy returns.
Congratulations to both of you! Hope that you have a lovely and perfectly uninteresting (in the sense that your 'interesting' seems to come with helicopters, guns, or murders) dinner. :) Happy anniversary-ish.
Thanks. We're having a lovely evening.
Sal, whatever he says, Sherlock should be heading to bed at 10. Hope you're surviving.
Making a difference between 'sexually attracted to' and 'romantically attracted too' (for lack of a better word, I mean : wanting a relationship with) was quite an epiphany for me too.
Gender differences is such a tricky subject though, I don't know how to express what's make me 'love' women and not men. That's a problem, because then you rely on stereotypes like 'women are more like this' and 'men are less like that' that are often stinking of sexist stereotypes, when I guess it has more to do with you, and how you relate to people ? I don't know, this is a frustrating subject for me.
(I feel bad, I rarely comment and always as Anon, but this is really something that's on my mind these days, so I felt like participating so, yeah, sorry if it comes from nowhere)
Oh, and look at me being all self-centred when I should have begun by: CONGRATULATIONS to both of you ! ^^
Random Anon for above.
Happy anniversary-thingy to both of you. Hope you had a great time. You deserve it. :)
Happy Anniversary!
Happy Anniversary, you two--I think it's a wonderful thing that you two found each other, as you seem to be really good balances for each other. A real partnership. (I hope you know what I mean.)
Sherlock, Mycroft, and Sally--I hope you are all enjoying your evening together!
Wishing you both a lovely and relaxing anniversary-type thingy.
Happy Anniversary-thing guys. Hope you're having a fun evening :-)
John - lovely, considered blog post. Makes a lot of sense; I'm very glad for you both that you found each other at a time when you were perhaps just in the right place to be able to change from "not ready for a romantic relationship" to "happily in a romantic relationship", even if neither of you were aware of it at the time.
Happy Anniversary, guys! I hope you're having a wonderful, relaxing, romantic evening!
Thanks all - we had a great day together - all of us - and then a great evening out.
Can't believe Mycroft's got to go back to school in a few hours. We've just been out to the park, where the dogs kept disappearing into the mist, then bursting back out again.
Actually really rather like a year ago...hounds, mist, no-one knowing where anyone else is, or what's going on...
Most appropriate--even the weather is celebrating your anniversary!
It's just a bit misty here, but apparently it's foggy across large swathes of the UK today (#fog is the top trending topic on Twitter in the UK. God, we love weather).
Happy anniversary, both of you. I'm glad you had a nice evening out.
I'm quite a bit late, but happy anniversary, you two. Many happy returns! You make the best couple.
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