Act I, scene i, the kitchen.
Lestrade is getting ready to leave for work. Mycroft is drinking orange juice and eating toast. I am hunched over my tea in a protective fashion because that is my standard morning position when I'm not forced out of it by the divers alarums and excursions that so often fill our lives.
Sherlock rushes in, dumps a pile of things on the floor, and rushes out again. The things are as follows: a microscope, a large green towel, one of Lestrade's rare ties, a small live frog (how?), a packet of biscuits, part of a computer with some wires hanging off of it, and his book on mummies.
Mycroft, Lestrade, and I stare at the pile.
Act I, scene ii, Sherlock's bedroom.
I enter, with my tea held before me like a particularly ineffective talisman. Sherlock is wrestling his suitcase out of his wardrobe. With the handle extended, it is as tall as he is, so this isn't going well. I ask what he's doing. He replies with a look that says it should be blatantly obvious that he's trying to force his suitcase into submission. Fair enough.
I remind him that I said we'd start packing later in the day, and that we're not leaving until Monday. He says that if we all get it done sooner we could leave earlier. I explain that this is not how it works. He nevertheless proceeds downstairs with his suitcase.
Act I, scene iii, the sitting room.
Lestrade is pursuing a small, live frog. Mycroft is restraining the dogs from pursuing a small, live frog. Sherlock has retreated into the kitchen to pack all his belongings which haven't yet run away.
I contemplate taking my tea back to our room and locking myself in, but instead send L off to work and take over the frog hunt myself. It takes close to an hour. It's an agile frog.
Later in the day, we'll have to take it back to the park. For now, it's in a glass bowl, regarding me with a hurt expression.
Tomorrow, no doubt, act two.
Lestrade is getting ready to leave for work. Mycroft is drinking orange juice and eating toast. I am hunched over my tea in a protective fashion because that is my standard morning position when I'm not forced out of it by the divers alarums and excursions that so often fill our lives.
Sherlock rushes in, dumps a pile of things on the floor, and rushes out again. The things are as follows: a microscope, a large green towel, one of Lestrade's rare ties, a small live frog (how?), a packet of biscuits, part of a computer with some wires hanging off of it, and his book on mummies.
Mycroft, Lestrade, and I stare at the pile.
Act I, scene ii, Sherlock's bedroom.
I enter, with my tea held before me like a particularly ineffective talisman. Sherlock is wrestling his suitcase out of his wardrobe. With the handle extended, it is as tall as he is, so this isn't going well. I ask what he's doing. He replies with a look that says it should be blatantly obvious that he's trying to force his suitcase into submission. Fair enough.
I remind him that I said we'd start packing later in the day, and that we're not leaving until Monday. He says that if we all get it done sooner we could leave earlier. I explain that this is not how it works. He nevertheless proceeds downstairs with his suitcase.
Act I, scene iii, the sitting room.
Lestrade is pursuing a small, live frog. Mycroft is restraining the dogs from pursuing a small, live frog. Sherlock has retreated into the kitchen to pack all his belongings which haven't yet run away.
I contemplate taking my tea back to our room and locking myself in, but instead send L off to work and take over the frog hunt myself. It takes close to an hour. It's an agile frog.
Later in the day, we'll have to take it back to the park. For now, it's in a glass bowl, regarding me with a hurt expression.
Tomorrow, no doubt, act two.
92 comments:
to pack all his belongings which haven't yet run away Made me laugh!
I'm sorry you've had such a rubbish time this last few days, but I'm glad the four or five of you are going to get a good break, I'm sure you'll enjoy it!
Lancs. Anon
Well done for catching it. It was indeed agile. Hope you three have fun that doesn't involve chasing livestock around the living room too.
I can imagine that there are going to be several incidents today which cause you to wish you were locked in your room with a cup of tea. Not least when you insist that Sherlock needs to take more clothing and less accessories. Just be grateful you're not camping with someone who maintains they can't go without their hair straighteners.
He was trying to pack a litre of olive oil and some of his current mould collection earlier. We had a talk about how mean customs and border control are and how they might confiscate his stuff and never give it back.
Doc, I think you should write a book. Something about your style makes me laugh every time you post something like this. Good luck today; sounds like you'll need it.
Chasing small frogs may not have been the way you like to wake up of a morning, but the description has certainly brightened my day.
rsf
I should point out that there are worse places to have to chase frogs. (Anonybob, your kids will like that link.)
rsf
He does have a talent for cheering people up, in writing and in person.
DW - I feel like any fiction I could write would pale in comparison to our actual lives...
L - the frog has been returned to its pond. How's work going?
That frog must have been good practice for the boss, John. Someone just tried to do a runner from us, he was like a greyhound out of a trap after them.
Ha. And did he get them?
He did. And is moaning about getting his suit dirty. I'll tell the bloke his skills are lower than a frog's.
Good. That he caught him, not about his suit. Did he land in something horrible?
To be fair to everyone involved, this frog definitely would've got some sort of medal in the frog olympics.
Just wet and muddy. And you don't have to be fair to my prisoner. He does have less sense and agility than a small frog.
I was thinking more of being fair to us, to be honest. I can't believe how long I chased that bloody thing this morning, and before breakfast too.
Do you want to meet us for lunch (and/or a dry suit if you like), or no time?
An exciting morning all around!
Has Sherlock remembered to pack a toothbrush yet?
rsf
I'm pretty sure that's last on his list, somewhere after scuba gear and potatoes.
Yeah, I'll call you. Just waiting for the doc and a translator and his brief anyway, then Sal's lead officer as I'll be away, so I can manage lunch. Don't worry about suit, I've changed into my jeans.
A doctor for him or for you?
You're all the doctor I need.
He's claiming he hit his head and now feels dizzy. So we have to wait. I know the only possible thing he hit his head on is me, so I'm sceptical, but there we go. Rules are rules, I'm using the time to try to work out why he ran. We only went to tell them what was happening. No idea why he was off like a ferret up a trousers leg.
All right, good. Well, not good exactly, but I'm glad you're not hurt.
I wouldn't dare, just before a holiday. Bandages leave terrible tan lines.
Yeah, don't want to end up looking like The Mummy on the beach. It'd make it difficult to put on sunblock, too.
And you might forbid me from swimming. It would be a disaster.
Has the place got a pool as well as the sea? Not sure how the sea will lend itself to Sherlock's newfound love of diving, unless there's some convenient rocks.
It has, and also rocks that look convenient for jumping off of, although we'll want to check what exactly is at the bottom of them first, you can really see in the picture.
I'm sure every inch of coastline will be explored within moments of us arriving.
Can you check the kitchen for our fondue forks? If they're not there, check Sherlock's luggage. I've had five texts now regarding spear fishing of various sizes, from harpoons on down.
They were in my bag. He's getting sneakier.
This is why I don't yet have a bag. Last minute packing for me :)
I wouldn't be too sure about that... Yours appears to be full of books.
Ah...let me re-phrase. I don't have a bag which I've packed... I clearly have been assigned Sherlock's second bag.
I feel this may be a good moment to buy the boys some form of eReader...
You may have a point there.
Also, the boys are staying with Mrs Hudson when I meet you for lunch. Or whatever meal it's time for.
I won't mention the c-word or Sherlock will refuse to stay at home...
Have you padlocked your bag closed, to stop added extras sneaking in?
I thought tonight we should go to a certain sporting megastore together and pick up some cheap beach essentials - they do snorkelling gear, shoes for swimming, all that sort of stuff, and the boys can try it all on there to check the fit. And we can, too ;) They're open late and we could get takeaway after.
Yeah, all right. Sounds good.
I have given up on my bag. I'm just going to pack Monday morning before we leave, it's safer.
This sounded like a bargain:
http://www.decathlon.co.uk/caribbean-500-kit-id_8093550.html
And I'll buy you some of these, so you can look like James Bond as you walk through the surf...
http://www.decathlon.co.uk/tony-boxers-red-id_8215783.html
You on the way over?
Yeah, be there soon.
Well...they're not as bad as the last ones you wanted to buy me...
Those boxers are very ...er... red. Very red. And very close fitting. Very Bondish.
As for e-readers, expect the whine the first time the battery runs out in the middle of the good part. I have three, find all of them frustrating compared to paper, but somewhat easier to travel with (as long as I bring a backup "real" book for safety.) Be aware that the "tablet" style readers burn batterylife much faster than the sales person will tell you that they do.
rsf
Are you eating cake because I bet that's what you meant but I don't care because Mrs Hudson MADE us cake and it's better than yours because it's got chocolate and cream and cherries and I've got mango juice so there and can I take some custard on holiday to make our swimming pool so you can walk on it?
No custard in the pool.
Mrs Hudson's cake sounds delicious as usual. Do we get some?
No because I bet you had cake together without us so you can't have any of ours. Can we have curry for dinner if we have takeaway and I looked and that shop does spears for spear fishing and canoes and surfboards and can we get some?
http://www.decathlon.co.uk/asso-pneumatic-speargun-id_8208309.html
I don't think you can get enough custard for a swimming pool into even fifty suitcases, Sherlock. What's the ratio of water to powder just for making it something to eat?
rsf
No spears. And I think packing a canoe might prove impractical.
We can have curry. We can't have custard or spear guns and if we really need body boards or something we can buy cheap ones out there and leave them there. You never know, there might even be some at the villa. We do not need them in London.
We could buy custard there and I could paddle the canoe all the way if I started in the Thames and went across the channel and then kept going and I could stop at places on the way to eat and rest and camp on the beaches and I could spear fish for food as I went and that would be the best camping trip ever.
That would indeed be an amazing trip, but it's not the one we're going on. I think it might take more than forty eight hours of preparation as well.
You might have to wait until you're a bit older for that journey, Sherlock. And you'll probably want a sailboat instead of a canoe, so that you can have a bunk in it.
rsf
It wouldn't! We can buy canoes and tents and then make packed lunch and maybe dinner and go!
I think it might be a bit more complex than that. For a start, the channel is very busy - the busiest shipping lane in the world. And canoes are very small compared to container ships.
Why don't you watch them for a bit?
http://www.marinetraffic.com/ais/
OOOH! That is a seriously cool link! Thank you, Lestrade!
rsf
It has, at least, given Sherlock something to do. He is now texting me ship-facts as he clicks on every ship currently in the channel in turn... but it's a massive step up from packing the wildlife of London in a suitcase, so I'll take it!
I live right next to Boston Harbor, and I frequently wonder which ship is going by, so this is great for me. I wish I'd known about it when the tall ships were here in July! But at least with the details and the pictures I'll get to know the regular visitors to the harbor better.
rsf
It's quite good and not boring yet so I might let you have Mrs Hudson's cake if there's any left after curry for dinner.
I thought you'd want to save Lestrade and John some cake as a thank-you for the holiday, Sherlock...
Lestrade - I agree with RSF - that's a seriously cool link :-)
I like the part where you can see the vessel's track. And I like the "predicted courses" too. Have you turned on the Lighthouses and Aids to Navigation or some of the other symbols yet, Sherlock?
And Lestrade and John definitely will need cake.
rsf
There's one that's 663 times longer than the canoe I want I think I'd need a big light and a radio to shout at them so they didn't run me over and maybe a helicopter to be over me to warn everyone I was there and a flag.
Anon Without A Name Mrs Hudson isn't going on holiday so there's no reason she should give them her cake to say thank you and I already made them brownies anyway but they might still get some because it was a big cake and we can have more for pudding.
663 times longer is a lot. And modern ships don't have as many crewmembers to watch out for things in the way. You could probably use a transponder to signal your position, though, and you could watch out for them, which would be easier than them seeing you.
rsf
Hmm. Just got home. Think I have a lot of UNpacking to do.
Lestrade - an eReader sounds like a very good idea, if there's a lot of books been "packed". Although if both the boys are intending to take books, they might need one each... Very lucky boys, getting a holiday and possibly an eReader :-)
RSF - my Kindle lasts a few weeks between charges if I have the wifi switched off, and it charges from the same cable as my phone does, which is handy, because I take a phone charger cable anytime I go somewhere overnight :-)
Sherlock - oh, I see, it's Mrs Hudson's cake to give away if she decides to. Well, she did seem to be suitably impressed with Lestrade's yellow short shorts the other day...
maybe a helicopter to be over me to warn everyone I was there and a flag.
I think you need this most of the time, not just in a canoe.
I am in Sherlock's serious bad books for laughing so hard at that, Mycroft.
It's only practical. I'm sure people would appreciate the advance notice.
And your Mum does seem to have the odd spare helicopter. But maybe we should paint it orange, not leave it black. And add sparkles.
I just saw Neil Armstrong died. Taken the last giant leap.
That is...unexpectedly sad. I suppose he must've been very old though.
Nameless, the reason I have three is because I keep hoping I'll find one that doesn't annoy me by having too few words per screen once the print is large enough to be seen without a magnifying glass. I don't find the screen switching as "transparent" as turning paper pages. Knocks me right out of the text. I'll tolerate if I have to, but the battery problem doesn't help.
Mycroft, I'm sure a helicopter would be very noticeable. Especially if it's sparkly. But Sherlock would always want to ride in it, wouldn't he?
I saw that about Neil Armstrong too, L. I still remember watching him on the moon.
rsf
82. He sounds like a pretty great guy. Must have been amazing to live your life having stood on another world and looked back on Earth hanging in space, all tiny and vulnerable. Must have really put you in your place in the Universe.
RSF I got an iPad 1 over 2 years ago basically just to read books and email and it's been a lifesaver. I looked at Kindles when they first came out but the flicking screen at page turns drove me bananas, and the screen's so small and I read so quickly I'm turning the page every 20 seconds or less! So my battery would run out very quickly. As it is, the screen on the iPad is just right, I can make the text smaller as well, and the battery lasts FOREVER, and still does 2 years later. Plus I like the backlit screen, I can read under the covers with the lights off!
Not really suitable for Sherlock, but Mycroft might be interested...
Jaws - if you think we could get Mycroft an iPad without getting Sherlock one you must think we're fearless individuals :)
I have a Kindle and it usually lasts a few weeks between chargings. I read it on my lunch breaks and before bed, and on my days off, so it gets a lot of use. My brother has an iPad, and his fiance has an iPad2. I don't think I like them as much, because the battery doesn't long on either of them, no more than 8 hours, usually, and they're a bit too big to read comfortably, in my opinion. However, those who have them seem to love them .
iPad is quite heavy to hold to read and the battery life is considerably less than the kindle if you turn the wireless off on the kindle. I love both devices but for reading the kindle wins hands down
Lancs Anon
Kindle is also cheaper, if we get them one each, and possible slightly more likely to survive being thrown about a bit? Anyone have an opinion on that? I imagine they'll come to the beach with us, be carried about in various bags and be exposed to God-knows-what-warrenty-destroying-things. Like jellyfish, for example.
We could get Mycroft his own, and Sherlock and I could share one...
the problem with sharing John is you'll have to be careful what you read ;-)
You, Sherlock and a jellyfish. And yeah, none of your silver fox smut.
What do I get, doc? If everyone's getting small versions of things they like can I have a....
banjolele?
(what did you think I was going to say? Chipolata? ;) )
Do you really want a banjolele? What exactly is a bajolele?
My reading material will be clean and upstanding, I assure you.
The upstanding part wasn't under question...although which part of you was upstanding, maybe.
A banjolele is a cross between a banjo and a ukelele. I don't know if I really want one. They just look like fun. Here's one on QI:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTS7saqzgAo
upstanding things should always be clean John ;-)
Ha, it's tiny. I hope if you get one you're prepared to share with Sherlock as well.
Kindles are actually pretty sturdy. I've seen them dropped and banged up and keep on going. And if you get the extended warranty, you're pretty much covered for anything, though I think jellyfish may be a stretch. ;-P
Ha, it's tiny.
That's no way to talk about another man's instrument.
Bed? One more shift and I'm free...I can't wait!
The kindle appears to be quite robust, I'm notoriously bad at looking after things and mine's still going. They can be easily waterproofed by keeping them in a zip-loc bag I'm told, but I haven't tried it!
Lancs. Anon
your silver fox smut
Feel free to share any particularly good stuff, John :-p
Kindles seem relatively sturdy. I've got a case on mine, but as much because it looks good as anything else. I think so long as you don't go stabbing the screen or dropping it in water you should be OK (that's based on the older keyboard ones, not the new touch screen ones).
Sleep well, gents :-)
L - I would never say anything negative about your instrument. Bed, yes, by all means.
Nameless, and everyone else - I do not read silver fox smut! It was L's book!
I do not read silver fox smut! It was L's book!
Uh huh.
If you lot keep this up, I'll write some, and then you'll all be sorry.
sorry? why would we be sorry? ;-)
I'm pretty sure the only reasonable way to test a hypothesis like that is to gather empirical evidence.
In other words: write silver fox smut. It's for science!
:-D
Pre-coffee, frog-chasing, eh? That's... thats' quite daring of Sherlock, right there.
John, you do have a way with words because I could imagine everyone's expressions at the breakfast table. :)
I'm glad that everyone's looking forward to the time away (you so deserve it). Here's hoping to a smooth, injure-free, no-smuggling/customs-incidents Sunday!
~A from NW
Thank you, John--this post gave me a huge lift!
I still think eReaders are the work of the devil and people should buy real books and appreciate the fine design work that goes into them, at least into the ones I design. :) However--if you are taking such things to a beachy place, bring a box or two of ziplock plastic bags, which work as well as expensive cases, and keep the eReaders in one at all times, since the do not play well with sand and water.
Oooh ziplock bags! I didn't think of that, thank you all ! (sorry I'm a lurker mostly, but I'm going in vacation soon and I was wondering about my kindle and, well... thanks)
Hope you enjoy your trip, you deserve it!
The idea of you writing silver fox smut literally terrifies me.
We use ziplock bags to keep our phones and stuff safe when we're paddling about in undesirable places at work. Very useful.
Afraid he'll give away all your secrets, Lestrade?
Not sure what I'm afraid of, really. Maybe it would be educational?
Educational is always good. ;D
rsf
Post a Comment