Believe It
Joshua Mehigan
Hard to believe that, after all of it,
in bed for good now, knowing you haven’t done
one thing of any lasting benefit
or grasped how to be happy, or had fun,
you must surrender everything and pass
into a new condition that is not
night, or a country, or sleep, or peace,
but nothing, ever, anymore, for you.
Finally, mulberries. Found while we were out walking. L, is there anything you want to cook with them when you get back, or shall we just piggishly eat them out of hand?
Joshua Mehigan
Hard to believe that, after all of it,
in bed for good now, knowing you haven’t done
one thing of any lasting benefit
or grasped how to be happy, or had fun,
you must surrender everything and pass
into a new condition that is not
night, or a country, or sleep, or peace,
but nothing, ever, anymore, for you.
... I almost feel like I should apologize for posting that one. Not the most cheerful thing in the world. But it really struck me.
Anyhow. Allotment pictures. The squash is growing. Slowly. The blossoms this year keep being eaten by something. This is the first one that's made it past the blooming stage, and I feel like I ought to surround it with a small barbwire fence.
And these, finally, are the red Thai beans that Sherlock is so excited about. They're not as long as they're supposed to get, but they're already longer than my hand. And a lovely color, don't you think?
Finally, mulberries. Found while we were out walking. L, is there anything you want to cook with them when you get back, or shall we just piggishly eat them out of hand?
I'm missing my husband already, quite a bit. Sherlock managed to give me the silent treatment this morning for all of an hour for not letting him go with Greg to Ascension Island. Then he gave up in favor of explaining the elaborate cake we were going to bake for his return. He wants it to be shaped like a topographic map of the island...with glitter.
41 comments:
That is a great cake idea, i really do hope you're baking it soon and your am is on his way home :-)
I'm glad your allotment is doing well, it's good to know that all the rain is being useful ;-)
Thank-you for the poem. I find its comprehensive bleakness deeply satisfying. Maybe because if (and I hope not, as I do know what it is to be happy) I end my life in that place, I think that's the way it is likely to take me, surprised a bit but mostly just flat, bleak, defeat, without the drama of angst and disappointment and despair.
So. Yeah. For whatever reason, that's a very satisfying poem.
No one in my house was ever any good at the silent treatment or the Quiet Game either, including the adults! I think that a cake-map of Ascension island is something that should be photographed, if it happens.
(Those Thai beans are neat. I'll have to see if they'll grow here, though probably not if they're doing well where you are.)
Onwards.
fA
Sorry, don't get much signal away from the office or hotel.
Sherlock, I am disappointed in you. Don't you think John wants to be here too, if he could be? You guys have got to stick together! I wish you could all be here.
It's a beautiful place. But I just can't get away from the feeling of being so tiny in such a big ocean.
Eat the Mulberries - if I'm back in time I'll make something nice with any left, but they don't keep that well.
I'm back in the hotel, finally, It's nice here, bit breezy, but warm enough. Hotel's okay, I've got a balcony to sit on. Scenery is pretty amazing, like being on another planet.
I like the poem. Hope you guys are doing okay. Really do wish you were here.
have you seen a turtle yet? And can you Skype us? And I helped make dinner tonight and it was curry from a jar and meat and stuff and it was good and I ate five poppadoms.
nope, nope, and well done for helping with dinner. Although 5 sounds like a lot...did anyone else get any?
The internet is really bad here, Skype wouldn't work. Takes me long enough to send these messages!
Miss you.
miss you too.
I think you'd like it here. The landscape is...surreal. Maybe we should get the boat out here one day. Most beautiful crime scene I've been to in a long time
That'd be nice. How was the flight?
Long! Boring, but fine. Slept a bit, read a bit, you must have done enough military flights to know it's not exactly on par with being offered mini bottles of wine and watching bad movies on a tiny screen :)
How was your day?
Oh...long. Bit boring. Much like your flight except with a cranky Sherlock.
Well...first flight home is tomorrow. Never know, I might be on it!
It's raining here now. I'd quite like to go for a walk...but probably not a good idea.
Do you think you will? How's the case going?
I don't know yet. And...it's just so different from being at home. What small amount of forensic evidence was gathered was sent on the boat to Cape Town, so all I've got is photos and files. It's a tiny local police force, nothing like working at the yard.
I've got some more files to read tonight, took my own pictures of the crime scenes as they are now, to look at with the statements. just see if I can see anything.
Well… Good luck. I hope it goes smoothly and that you can wrap it up quickly and come home to us.
Thanks.
The Inspector of policing says if I'm looking like still being here by the 27th, he'll get the boat and visit. He's down on St Helena, so can't get here before then.
I hope I'm not...I think he's hoping I will be. He's ex murder squad at the met, so probably wants some stories from home.
right, I'm turning in.
Night all.
Good night, love.
The 27th is too many days on island! Over a week.
Hoping for a swift resolution. Hope an outsider's eye is all it takes. Or that they already have a good idea but need an outsider to tread on local toes.
Good day tomorrow for everyone, especially you three, John, Sherlock & Mycroft.
fA
Morning all. Went for a run this morning. Good way to see what the place is like I think.
A great way to start the day. Did you run along the beach as part of it on a hunt for Sherlock's turtles.
Good luck with your investigation, hope it has a rapid conclusion.
Have a fun day all at home, what exciting plans do you have to occupy yourselves today.
I ran along a bit of the beach and then drank some of the world's most exclusive coffee! From st Helena. So the day started well. It was very good coffee.
It's good to know that even though you've been sent somewhere you don't want to go they have at least made sure it's somewhere with coffee ;-)
I hope you're making progress :-)
Making the best of things, sounds like. Hope success comes soon.
fA
John, if you're really bored you're more than welcome to come and visit - with the boys if either of them want to come! Obviously you're welcome when Greg is home, too ;)
Tadhg is getting bigger and, if possible, noisier, and I go a bit stir crazy when Lisa has to work all day. Just give me a call if you fancy it.
Don't think I'll be on that flight tonight. Sorry.
Best of luck with the case, L. It sounds like it's not at all easy.
John, I've been mulling over that poem. I don't know--I think I disagree the part of not doing anything of lasting benefit. I think most decent people do a lot in the way of lasting benefit, even if only in small ways. We can't all save lives or make people safer in our professional lives, it's true--and those are clearly things that make a lasting difference--but we can all make a stranger smile, or make someone in our family circle laugh or feel safe, and these are just as valid as ways of bringing light into the world and should not be discounted.
But I did very much like the fact that the poem made me think about it, so thank you for posting it!
You sound awfully sad, L, hope it's not too bad and that you're making progress
Jo - yeah, that'd be good. I'll give you a call tomorrow.
L - I'm sorry, love. I know you want to come home as much as we want you here.
When I see that plane taking off later I.. well, don't know what I'll do! Wish I was on it.
Met the Administrator today. Got invited to dinner, which I refused, hoping to get some more work done... but think I might have to go in the next few days.
Apparently its the wrong season for turtles, sorry Sherlock.
I'm sorry Greg, no solved case AND no turtles it's just not fair ;-)
If you're around, John, I'll give you a call? And if Sherlock is staying up late.... or just refusing to go to bed, can talk to him too. And of course Mycroft, although I don't imagine he's in bed.
Saw a place today where NASA tested the moon buggies.
You boys done anything good today? Work ok Mycroft?
Yeah, I'm around. Please do call. Nothing very exciting. We got more mulberries though.
And do you have any left now?
Is Sherlock in bed? I'll try calling, phone line isn't great, cuts out a bit, or did earlier when I was calling the Yard.
It was great to actually talk to you. Even while watching that bloody plane fly off without me.
Made me feel a lot less lonely. Although now....probably a lot more lonely! And I promise to email the picture of the crab that tried to attack my car for Sherlock.
Still hoping you'll finish the job instantly. Or, perhaps that's Sherlock's stance and as a visible adult, I should say "Soon. Very soon."
Onwards all. The news in the U.S. is somewhere between depressing and infuriating, but I went to hear slam poetry tonight and was comforted by the amount of positive energy present, even among those old and experienced enough to share my own lack of . . . idealism, in the absence of a better word.
fA
Even if we finish today there's no way off the island until Friday now.
Ran up a volcano this morning.
I am only a little disappointed that the Internet says there's been no volcanic activity for at least 600 years.
Fingers crossed for Friday. May everyone keep safe. Must be rather creepy for the residents knowing there's someone dangerously violent about when the population is so small.
fA
Yeah, very hard to deal with in a small community. Lots of mistrust on all sides. Also lots of rumours most of which I've had to listen to.
I've been watching videos about derailing trains and thank you for the pictures of the crab and what else have you seen? We made biscuits today too with chocolate on top and tomorrow we're going to see Jo and Lisa and the baby or maybe just Jo and the baby and Mycroft brought home cheese.
That all sounds great, kiddo. And have you been being nice to John today, too?
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