Once was a case of mistaken identity. Someone who looked like me (by which I mean: was English, not a giant, and had sort of indeterminately coloured hair) had started a fight with a man who was selling chickens. I presume over the price, but that was never entirely clear. Anyway, he hurt the chicken seller pretty badly, got laid into by a couple of the chicken seller's friends, and then ran off.
Meanwhile, nearby, a friend of mine had lost her dog (chihuahua, named Biscuit). I was running after Biscuit. Biscuit was so small as to be pretty much invisible to the naked eye. The police saw a man fitting their suspect's description running away.
They shouted, and when I realised it was me they wanted, of course I stopped. I'd lost sight of Biscuit in the crowd by then anyway. Things were complicated by the fact that their suspect spoke Arabic and I didn't. They thought I was being difficult. I was completely confused.
They took me in, and I was there for about eight hours, even after the chicken seller came to have a look and said I was not the man in question.
Everything worked out in the end. They found the man who did it. Biscuit found her way home. I was released, albeit with some resentful looks for not being who they thought I was.
The second time I don't remember very well. I was pretty ill. I suspect the food at the hotel where I was staying. I'd gone out to get bottled water and something I could stomach, but it was all too bright, too loud, I was dizzy, there was vomiting. Not pretty. I was taken in for being (they thought) drunk and disgusting in public.
It was probably for the best. They realised their mistake pretty quickly and gave me water and crackers rather than throwing me out on the street, which was kind. By that evening I was all right to get back to the hotel on my own, and a few days later I was fine.
Meanwhile, nearby, a friend of mine had lost her dog (chihuahua, named Biscuit). I was running after Biscuit. Biscuit was so small as to be pretty much invisible to the naked eye. The police saw a man fitting their suspect's description running away.
They shouted, and when I realised it was me they wanted, of course I stopped. I'd lost sight of Biscuit in the crowd by then anyway. Things were complicated by the fact that their suspect spoke Arabic and I didn't. They thought I was being difficult. I was completely confused.
They took me in, and I was there for about eight hours, even after the chicken seller came to have a look and said I was not the man in question.
Everything worked out in the end. They found the man who did it. Biscuit found her way home. I was released, albeit with some resentful looks for not being who they thought I was.
The second time I don't remember very well. I was pretty ill. I suspect the food at the hotel where I was staying. I'd gone out to get bottled water and something I could stomach, but it was all too bright, too loud, I was dizzy, there was vomiting. Not pretty. I was taken in for being (they thought) drunk and disgusting in public.
It was probably for the best. They realised their mistake pretty quickly and gave me water and crackers rather than throwing me out on the street, which was kind. By that evening I was all right to get back to the hotel on my own, and a few days later I was fine.
75 comments:
lol At least you weren't arrested for things that you'd done wrong yourself. Like I said before. Did you get in trouble in Australia and Canada too, Danger Watson, International Man of Mystery.? Because that might break some sort of "number of continents arrested on" record.
It was only Egypt! Really only Cairo. Cairo has it in for me.
Frankly, I'd've been terrified, especially the first time!
Even though I remembered the vague outlines of both of these incidents from past indignant comments you made on this blog, John, it was fun to entertain someone's suspicion that you'd been nicked for camel rustling.
I get similarly ill every time I go to India, which means I can't eat all of the lovely things my aunts have made for me. So I subsist on toast and fresh fruit and try not to see disappointment on their faces.
Ignore the "like I said before." I didn't say anything before.
I’m not the chicken seller
Or the chicken seller’s mate
I was chasing a chihuahua
And I don’t deserve this fate.
Thank you Danger for giving us the complete low down on your non-criminal activities in Egypt.
SH - HA!
Innie - I'm sorry you can't eat their cooking, that must be hard. And who said I got nicked for rustling camels!
Chihuahuas, camels, very easy to confuse one with the other...
Danger, you're not really asking me to rat out a fellow commenter, are you?
SH - that's fantastic. I wonder if Sherlock will set it to music?
Only up until you sit on either one...
SH, that had me laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. :D
And Anonymous has a fair point. Only someone quite small would be able to ride a chihuahua. Are you sure it wasn't chihuahua rustling, innie? "My friend lost their pet" is a good cover story...
While I'm at it who takes a chihuahua to Egypt? Aren't there insects in Egypt big enough to eat a chihuahua?
Innie - it was either L or DW, so now I know...
Why would you think it was me?! Lestrade's the one hanging out with a criminal mastermind.
Meanwhile, when I tried to fly out of Cairo, the airport guards were extremely thorough with my bags. I was carrying (well-wrapped) a dinky little plastic teapot for my mom to replace the glass teapot I'd given her years before (which my dad broke and which she'd loved like it was her third child). They eyed me like it was a bong instead of - very patently - a teapot. I also had a packet of maxipads, which they attempted to open to determine what kind of "tea" I was planning to brew. It's not easy being bright red and trying to explain menstruation to large, unfriendly men with mustaches and suspicious gazes.
Chihuahuas and camels are equally bad-tempered, though!
Ouch, innie--not fun!
I've never implied you were a Chihuahua rustler!
Oh no, innie! How embarassing!
The question was not Chihuahua rustling, Lestrade, but camel rustling.
John - thanks for explaining for those of us unable to recall the details. I must admit, I'm as bemused as Anon by the idea of someone taking a chiuagua to Egypt.
What were you doing in Egypt, if you don't mind me asking?
Innie - *ouch*
Oh innie, you must have longed for a very large hole to swallow you up.
DW - my point stands then. I never implied he was a Chihuahua rustler.
You stick to that, Lestrade--and let us know how well that works. :D
I hope none of you are implying Danger is so tiny and small Chihuahuas are like camels to him...
I believe I specifically referred to the temperament of the two animals. NOT the size.
(Don't think you can deflect John that easily, because I don't think it will work. :P)
L - I wouldn't have even thought it until you mentioned it.
Gregory Lestrade, you are too noble by half. Ta. It's not like you're the one who made the crack about camel rustling. Or Chihuahua rustling, for that matter.
You're on your own for any short jokes, though...
Nameless - I was visiting Biscuit's owner. She lived there (still does I think), so it wasn't a trip on which she'd decided to bring her dog - that would've been a little odd. Even if Biscuit is travel sized.
If I was going to rustle camels or chihuahuas, I would pick camels. I am sure they're less trouble.
Larger and harder to smuggle, maybe though?
You going to have a shower? Wash your cutie mark off?
I would pick camels. I am sure they're less trouble.
I wouldn't run away with that idea--I understand camels spit. Also that they like to step on people.
RR - a lot more difficult to lose them though!
L - why would I smuggle them anywhere? I feel there must a reasonably large used camel market in and around Cairo.
Was she your girlfriend at the time? Is there a continent you don't have a current or former partner on? ;)
Camels are.gross and mean. Definitely easier to rustle Chihuahuas.
DW - It's like you're reading my mind or something, those were exactly the same questions I was about to ask :-p
Thank you for the commiseration, RR, DW, and Nameless! And yes, SH, you hit the nail right on the head with that description. It was not, shall we say, one of my finest moments.
Wait, John, did you grow a mustache as a camel- or chihuahua-rustling disguise?
Ha - great combination of questions. 1. Is there a continent you haven't been arrested on, 2. Is their a continent without one of your conquests on ;)
(Although I believe I'm right in saying you've only been arrested in Africa. Just had near misses elsewhere...or do you have some confessions to make??
Omg, innie! That must be it! That's why he's so reluctant to grow one now; he's afraid he'll be recognised from the INTERPOL wanted posters!
I have only been arrested twice, ever! In Cairo. Nowhere else. I have no sordid past to conceal.
Innie - ha! Yes, that was why. All anyone remembered was the moustache.
DW - I wouldn't say girlfriend exactly, but that sort of area, yes. And there are many continents I've never even been to.
DW, Innie, I'll phone Interpol and Europol in the morning, get them to email me all camel/chihuahua rustling suspects on their database.
Might not turn him in. But might add 'Stethoscope and red cross on left buttock' to his 'distinguishing marks' file. At least that way I'll know if he's flaunting his cutie.
Do you plan to make it permanent tonight or something? Because I have to say I don't think I'll sleep through that!
...are you implying that there's already a temporary one?!
Dunno, you do sleep pretty soundly sometimes...
No, to be honest, if I don't get to bed in a minute I'll be asleep here, and you're banned from trying to carry me again. Hopefully pond work will have tired me out enough to stop me waking up in the early hours tonight.
I am not implying it, I'm stating outright that he drew on my bum last night! And NO, no one is getting a picture of it! I know you'd ask.
RR said I needed a more intellectual pursuit to make me sleepy! I chose fine art.
L - bed would be lovely. I can't believe the weekend's gone already.
What do you take us for?
(Of COURSE we'd ask. :D)
*doubketake*
HEY!! I distinctly recall mentioning crossword puzzles. I said NOTHING about artwork!!
Nice one, Lestrade :-)
You know, given that you've got a genius in the house with you who finds engineering and mechanics to be child's play, I'm surprised you haven't commissioned him to build a device that would scoop you up and deposit you into your bed.
Innie - now I'm picturing something out of Wallace and Grommit :-p
As hilarious as that is, Lestrade, aren't you concerned about Revenge of the Doc?
John, I would apologize for the My Little Pony motif, but I'm not actually that sorry if the result is such shenanigans. Sorry for not being sorry. :D
*waves to everyone*
Of course I posted my 'dear god it's great to be back' post on the last entry, but ah well!
DW, go check it out, there was a message for you :D
John: I think your pony mark would make a great tattoo really! But then you'd have to give Greg one and he'd have to make it permanent as well. Speaking of which, adding on to my questions in last post's catch up bit, what would you have Greg's pony mark be? :D
Also, I am possibly somewhat reliably informed that there may in fact be a thriving stolen, I mean used, camel market in Egypt. >_> I can get you better information on Russia if you ever want to go there. Not about camel rustling, just... general stuff. That you might want to know. Ahem.
DW: Great minds think alike ;D
DW - not wildly. Although if I got run over by a bus it might be hard to explain handcuffs drawn on my bum, it whatever he came up with to tag me with.
RR - It's a pursuit of a higher subject, the arts, rather than a pointless game on my phone. Think it's your fault.
I'm sure that if I had been suggesting anything art-related, I would have gone with some sort of art app. Where you draw what you like on a PICTURE of someone.
I'm reasonably sure, at any rate.
So it cannot be my fault.
John, we may not have success asking /you/ for a picture of it, or even Lestrade. I, however, can take no responsibility for whither my artistic muse takes me after a description like that -- you're fortunate I'm in the airport and my pastels and pencil crayons are all checked in my luggage. ;)
X - you can't just keep on drawing my rear, you know. You'll get a reputation. Although around here, possibly a positive one...
*encourages X's muse*
Handcuffs, Lestrade? Not a motorcycle? Or a musical note?
I was thinking something bike related too. John, the final call is all you :D Also, you are very right.
X: I'm sure that you'll be settled in where you're going and can get to your drawing stuff soon! :D
Handcuffs, Lestrade? Not a motorcycle? Or a musical note?
None of the above. He's getting an enormous heart, to match the one he has already.
Awwwwwwww.
Turnabout *is* fair play. Did you wash yours off?
I tried...
Well, that explains the return compliment.
Just to clarify a point, Doc, since you're up. You said there are many continents you haven't been to, but I count only two: South America and Antarctica. You certainly are.well-traveled. Are you sure you weren't in the navy? ;)
I've only been to Australia in whatever universe I'm also an underwear model in - one far, far different from this one. And apparently if L has his way we'll be hitting Antarctica at some point...
That must be one enormous heart you're drawing there, John... :)
He won't even feel the.cold!
Sorry about that. I'd thought you'd actually been to Australia. :/
You should all stop encouraging him.
Have been forced to hug him in a spider like fashion. To stop him wriggling about
Would that be spider-like or Spider-like?
I can hardly be blamed if you keep putting these ideas in my head, John. I'm sure the other readers would agree. :)
Tink, I'm currently delayed from the final leg of my journey, which is a pain given how much this van line charges to ferry people between the airport and my town. So I'll probably just crash when I get in for the sake of some coherency. But tomorrow..... :D
(especially as I brought some new art supplies back with me and need to give them a go...)
RR - both.
How'd your cutie mark turn out? :D
I think I'm too light a sleeper for Danger to manage much.
If he really wants me to have a heart on my arse I can pop in a tattoo shop at lunchtime.
Spider is a very realistic spider, I guess it was a pointless question. :)
I'm sure there are ways of tiring you out enough to get it done. The Doc's proven quite inventive...
X - I'll join with Tink and DW in encouraging you to draw. It will be a service to, maybe not the whole of humanity, but certainly us lot on here.
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