Roger Federer won the Basel tournament yesterday. He played Kei Nishikori in the final. Nishikori did really well, despite the score, never gave up even at the end. He's going to be a good player. Basel is Federer's home tournament. He used to be a ball boy there, and he buys the ball kids pizza after the final every year. That's the trophy in the bottom left, looking smaller than it is. For a relatively small tournament, it's a truly ridiculous size.
A number of people have asked for war stories, so...
My team got the call to go and pick up two wounded, a US soldier and a child. I'll tell you now that both of them recovered so you can focus on the more absurd aspects of this story.
I blame the QRF guys, personally. I mean, they are there to provide security and they did a great job that day, under some really unfortunate conditions, but still. At some point, while my team was busy doing our jobs, I think one of them might've noticed we had a stowaway.
As it was, we were still under fire, and even after take off - well, the little boy wasn't doing well at that point and the choice was made to push ahead of our Apache escort and just make it back as fast as we could. Everyone was tense, so perhaps it's unfair to fault them.
Anyhow, we'd been in the air maybe two minutes and I felt a tug at my trousers. I glanced down. There was a goat - a kid, really - chewing on me.
There were hand signals for a lot of what we needed to communicate because of the racket from the helicopter, but there is no hand signal for 'someone please stop this baby goat from eating my trousers'. And I couldn't exactly stop what I was doing, so I carried on. So did the goat.
By the time we landed, I had a fist-sized hole in the rear of my trousers. Murray noticed it first, after we'd handed our patients off to the ambulance crew. His first instinct was not, shockingly, that it was goat-related, but rather that I'd been wounded and hadn't noticed. He demanded a better look. I tried to explain about the goat.
Everyone looked at me like I had absolutely lost my mind, because they would've known, right? It's not a large space, and we're a tight fit at the best of times, and obviously the stress had finally been too much for me and you could see Murray working out how to break it to me that maybe I needed to talk to someone and then get some very serious drugs...
And then everyone stopped, because there was a tiny goat sauntering down the ramp of the Chinook like he owned it. It stopped when it had everyone's attention, bleated, and then carried on down to try to eat my boot laces.
My team (traitors) laughed so hard they had to sit down. I had people bleating at me for months afterward.
73 comments:
My team (traitors) laughed so hard they had to sit down.
Me too. (Bahahahahahaha!)
RR, was that bahahahahaha of laughter, or your best goat impression?
I can entirely understand any sentient being trying to get your trousers of, personally, so I'm on the goat's side.
Bit of both? (Laughter just bursting out, mostly.)
You mutton't kid the poor nanny, he'll get all gruff and that'll never doe.
And liddle lamzy divey.
Oh, a deer. Ah well, easy come, easy goat.
Et tu, internet?
Well, what did you expect, throwing that bit of funny at overtired people? :)
Heh. This is pretty much exactly what I expected, to be honest, although I didn't know L would have such a talent for goat puns...
Aww, Nanny John. If you'd rather we ruminated on an udder subject we could, before everyone horns in on the joke and milks it for all it's worth. You know we're just kidding around. We didn't mean to be boers.
Are you going to offer to nibble my trousers off now?
It's a standing offer, really. Anytime.
And of course I have a talent for goat puns. Won best in show once...
I'm not sure what's making me laugh more, the goat story, or Lestrade truly appalling puns.
^^What Anon said!
Thanks for that. I needed a good laugh today.
Hay! A bloke could take a-fence at such attacks on my jokes. I'll just butt out now before I become a scapegoat.
Calling a pun "appalling" is not an attack, it's a compliment!
I'll believe you. Thousands wouldn't.
Heh heh...
I mean, then thousands don't understand the nature of punnery, that's all!
So, basically, you recognized Sherlock as somewhat of a spiritual descendent of that kid - adorable, destructive, turning up where it has no business being, and generally causing others to think you're insane?
That story is very funny. We all tease L for his wicked way with words, but you're a born storyteller too.
Tea, meet keyboard. Both from the story and L's talent to find a bottomless well of puns for any occasion. Thanks for that. ;)
I just. HOW DID THEY NOT NOTICE A GOAT? While I've obvs not been in s combat situation, I have flown on more than my share of military aircraft thanks to my dad. Pretty sure a goat would stand out on most of them. I suppose their attention was better served focused elsewhere, but still. I can't stop giggling.
Did you end up developing a hand signal after that? ;)
I can help you develop a hand signal for 'help there's a mammal trying to get into my trousers!'
By playing the part of the mammal, obviously.
Which reminds me--what happened to the goat after?
p.s. - That hole in the rear of your trousers - did the goat politely stop there or did it chew through your underwear too? (Didn't it know you had a side career as an underwear model to think of? Silly goat!) Or were you going commando?
Thanks for the laugh! We all know you're great with kids. ;)
Obviously it was a highly trained stealth goat.
(Or perhaps he was just kidding around?)
X - that's what I wanted to know! It was small enough to fit under the bench so maybe that's some excuse. The only hand signal I got any use out of for a while involved my middle finger.
RR - it was returned when they took the little boy back to his family.
Innie - fortunately, he only seemed interested in my trousers.
And boot laces.
...and boot laces. Anyway, I was wearing bomb proof pants. I would hope they were goat proof as well.
i mean...to protect them from temptation. Not protect them because your arse is somehow deadly.
Not protect them because your arse is somehow deadly.
well... it or something close by has clearly had a incredible effect on a fine upstanding member of the Metropolitan Police
The reason my fine member is upstanding is generally his lovely arse.
but then I've never seen it clad in bomb-proof pants.
Calling a pun "appalling" is not an attack, it's a compliment!
Um, yeah, sure, let's go with that :-p
My mind is boggling at the idea of bomb-proof pants. Or sex-bomb proof pants, for that matter. Although I suppose saggy 70s-style Y-front might have a disabling effect on even the deadliest lovely arse.
Hmmm: bombproof pants.
Yeah, they're meant to protect your...valuables from an explosion from below. Also completely effective in removing any of the aforementioned temptation.
Ah well, I'm lucky that a. you don't seem to wear them anymore (although they could be advisable, with Sherlock's chemistry kit) and b. the rest of your body is so gorgeous I could ognire the,
sorry, obviously eyes wandered from keyboard to you.
or I'm just too tired to type.
ignore them.
Not that anyone doubted you for a minute, John.
He always swears to tell the truth. On the father, the son and the holy goat.
John -- hah, I did wonder if middle fingers would have been involved in said hand signal, yes. Though I will say they didn't have much right to poke fun re: the goat, since they somehow managed NOT TO SEE THE FREAKING GOAT. Honestly. :P
Lestrade -- in regards to upstanding members, etc, you're really just getting into single entendres now, you know. ;)
X, I can only work with what I'm given!
Danger, you’ve really got some serious talent for storytelling, and I’m not only referring to that hilarious war story but to your blog as a whole. Kudos to that (and for providing me with another source of entertainment. And procrastination. Hurray! :D)
Also, I totally empathize with you. Goats are demon-spawns in disguise that will eat anything and everything in their path and I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing that first hand when I was young. Talk about a traumatizing experience. Luckily, the animal did not attempt to get into my pants though. Heheh.
Lol just saw the Whiskey Tango Foxtrot tag -- love it!
And we interrupt our regular drawing schedule to bring you this bit of nonsense: http://flic.kr/p/aCNocR
:P
(captcha is "mishag" -- Lestrade, I'm sure you can make something of that...)
X- *Giggle* Well sketched!
Also, I forgot to say Yay for Federer. :)
Haha--good one, X!
John, answered your question on your last post. Extremely longwinded, so I'm sorry.
Very funny story. :)
Hahahah!
Thank you, John! You just made me smile!
*laughs* Oh, what a story you got out of it, though! That's priceless, it really is.
I thought Sherlock might be interested in a piece of news. My lady and I just got a 8-month-old puppy from a shelter. We named him Rakki, which is Norse for "dog" or "mutt" (which he is, being probably an American Staffordshire Terrier/Labrador mix). He's a very sweet, loving thing and was treated poorly by his previous owners, but now he has a good home.
X - that sketch is brilliant.
DW - Having read your post, I admire your determination and am really glad that it worked out so well for you, despite not being what you originally intended.
Thanks, SH. Less determination and mmore inertia, I think.
X, that goat looks evil! Or maybe he's very dedicated to getting Doc's pants off. I feel bad calling him "the goat" so we should give him a name. What about Gregory? For no real reason, mind you.
John - What a memorable story! I'm glad that everyone made it, and that the kid goat was only interested in your trousers. So...how did the quartermaster react when you told him why you needed another pair of bombproof pants? Or did you not tell him? :)
-A from NW (who is still giggling madly at the image of a kid goat nibbling on your trousers)
That's a brilliant drawing X. As are your portraits.
I shall remain silent on goat naming issues
Just like I said to Sally about 'poisoning' you, silence gives consent. :)
Choking---laughing----can't stop...
X'D
I think I snorted some noodles up to my nose...this entire post (the story and the punnery comments) is too funny!
Thank you for answering my request in such an hilarious way!
Hee, glad you all approve. :) Though, really, how could I not after that story?
DW: the goat started to look evil quite of its own accord, so I just went with it.
I am entirely in favour of dubbing the goat Gregory, too. :D
X - HA! That is...amazing, truly. I'm sure that goat would be honoured. No, actually, it'd probably feel it was only its due after the treatment it got before it went home.
Would you mind if I put it in the next post, or at least the link? I noticed you have your flickr account set...private, or locked, or something, I'm not sure how that works; so I thought I'd better ask.
Doc, what's the treatment for noodles up the nose?
Maybe one of those hooks the Egyptians used to extract brains...
Now you'll have Sherlock wanting to try to extract them. (Either noodles or brains.)
A from NW -the bomb proof pants survived the experience intact! It was only my trousers that suffered and I don't remember getting them replaced. It would've been more mockery than it was worth and I had others.
John -- wow, I'm flattered! Yeah, if you want to post it feel free. Whichever way you prefer -- my art for this month is unlocked on flickr so I'm not fussed either way. :)
(I feel I should say as a disclaimer here that I do find source images when I draw, even for demonic goats. :) I'm not inventing from the ether or anything! A friend of mine, who was and is a brilliant artist, once described me as a human photocopier, hah. I feel it's apt. :))
X, feel as inspired as you want by Danger in fairy wings. I can send you more photos of him.
:)
:D
I had been plotting, of course, but was stymied by lack of source images. I'll link my journal in my name this time -- it's fairly locked down since I almost never use it, but you could direct message me there with any picture you'd like be-winged? :) I'll do what I can from there.
I'll see what I can do ;)
Sadly he won't let me take a picture of him lying naked on the bed with one leg kicked up, looking back over his shoulder in a sultry fashion. A pose I imagine would suit wings rather well... but I'll try to rustle up some other times when he's looking positively angelic.
Probably for the best -- how would I be expected to concentrate on drawing if faced with that as a source image? ;)
1. I never look angelic.
2. You're not plotting behind my back very well; I do get all these comments, you know.
3. I don't even know what three should be. I give up.
1. You frequently look angelic. Positively cherubic sometimes.
2. These comments are just a blind, the real ones are much jucier and going direct to X.
3. Come to bed. I've warmed it up for you. Well, all apart from my feet, which require you to warm them
1. Lies, all lies.
2. Oh god...
3. All right. And I'm getting you a hot water bottle for Christmas.
1. Not lies. Look at this face, would it lie??
2. Ha.
3. Oh, such a romantic gift! I don't need one whilst I have you.
3. All right, you can get me one.
You've got me!
1) John, I have no idea what you're talking about. This is all him. I'm completely innocent.
2) I'm forbearing to comment on any and all posts that may be happening behind the scenes or not. Not that there are any. Because there certainly aren't.
3) Blame Greg.
:D
3. You should look at these http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/10290064.html
Microwavable boots to keep your feet warm! (They come in colours other than pink but I'm sure Lestrade would look perfectly dashing in these ones)
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