Sherlock's after-school art class started today. L and I both went and were forced to participate (all right, I was forced, L did it of his own accord), and I'm glad. It was fun, although I am just as terrible as I thought I would be. We did watercolours this time, which makes sense with kids this age - relatively easy to clean up.
The teacher brought in a few different flowers and some fish (yes really, dead fish) to paint. I did a sunflower...more or less. Three guesses which Sherlock picked and the first two don't count. L did a fish with a flower for its eye which I thought was nice.
And the rest of this post will basically be a letter to L, because I feel like I could've handled this last...thing...that we went through better. Not that I necessarily know how. But sometimes typing is a lot easier than talking.
So...L. I know you think that I just don't like to talk about things...until later, when we're both miserable. It's really not that.
It's more like I'm convinced the only things I can think of to say are...things I feel would not be helpful to the situation, so I don't say them, but then I can't say anything else, so I just say nothing. I get scared of making things worse. Terrified, really. Which is...not helpful in thinking of things to say.
Do you think I used enough...ellipses in that?
Anyway. I don't know if hearing any of that helps. Or potentially makes things worse. But that's what's actually going on in my head when you're thinking I don't want to talk about it. I still don't know how to not do that next time, but maybe we could think of something? Sorry. I am trying.
The teacher brought in a few different flowers and some fish (yes really, dead fish) to paint. I did a sunflower...more or less. Three guesses which Sherlock picked and the first two don't count. L did a fish with a flower for its eye which I thought was nice.
And the rest of this post will basically be a letter to L, because I feel like I could've handled this last...thing...that we went through better. Not that I necessarily know how. But sometimes typing is a lot easier than talking.
So...L. I know you think that I just don't like to talk about things...until later, when we're both miserable. It's really not that.
It's more like I'm convinced the only things I can think of to say are...things I feel would not be helpful to the situation, so I don't say them, but then I can't say anything else, so I just say nothing. I get scared of making things worse. Terrified, really. Which is...not helpful in thinking of things to say.
Do you think I used enough...ellipses in that?
Anyway. I don't know if hearing any of that helps. Or potentially makes things worse. But that's what's actually going on in my head when you're thinking I don't want to talk about it. I still don't know how to not do that next time, but maybe we could think of something? Sorry. I am trying.
154 comments:
Yeah, it helps. And I don't know what to do either. Except, well, I guess I'm learning what not to do, probably a bit too slowly.
We'll get there. We have to. Because I love you more than anything else.
And I'm on the way home. Probably with cold hands.
And I'm really, really bored of having this cough now.
Oh good. I'm...relieved. Extremely.
And yeah. Me too. Love you so much it scares me sometimes.
(freezing cold hands and feet, check. At some point apparently I've started to find them comforting...)
Have either of you (any of you reading, really!) ever experimented with code words or key phrases to signal when a situation is occurring that you know both of you find difficult, but to which you haven't figured out an alternative yet? Something easier to say than "I think we're doing that thing where we X again, or at least I'm experiencing X again, we should talk about that," so that you have shorthand?
We've found it easier to have some codes, they help us to signal what's happening without having to worry about talking it all out right then, especially when it's something we keep doing and we'd like to figure out how to do something else instead and we haven't figured it out yet. Or just times when we need a fast way of saying "i'm tired and frustrated and I'm going to sit down now because otherwise I may start yelling for no good reason" or "i'm reading in bed but I have to get up early tomorrow so please treat me as if I am actually asleep since I hope to be asleep soon."
One of our favorites is "i'm blue" for "i am ready to go out, and waiting for you to finish getting ready to go out, I'm not just messing about" because otherwise we sometimes both think the other is not ready yet when both of us are.
Of course, we've also decided that in this household we're going to try to find reasons to blame Margaret Thatcher whenever possible, so your mileage may, in fact, vary, and our methods may be quite unorthodox. Long post is long, sorry.
We haven't, no. I guess we should talk about that, too, maybe.
You okay, L? Or is this just normal wakefulness (as if that ever feels "normaL")?
Yeah. John was dreaming or something, woke me up muttering. Then I couldn't get back to sleep. Just thinking about a lot of things.
Thinking in the wee small hours is definitely bad for sleep. I'm sorry you had a wakeful night.
I'm not sure what to say about the not knowing what to say except that trying counts.
As for the art class, it sounds great. But when you mentioned dead fish, all I could think of was a kind of art called gyotaku where you actually make the art with the fish.
I have seen simpler versions of it too, used to keep a record of how big a fish was, but I couldn't find a video of that.
rsf
So knackered I just tried to make tea by pouring coffee over a teabag and drank half of it before I noticed
How was it?
Not that bad. I think I tried to make tea, forgot, made my...teafee, drank it, forgetting I ever intended it to be tea, then found the bag floating in my coffee...
Danger, at some point today my cough has changed from annoying but probably useful to sounding like there's a seal trapped in my chest and feeling like my lungs may fall out. You might need to warm up your stethoscope.
I will. I may also be sending you to your actual doctor, just to warn you. Sorry, love. That sounds miserable.
It's still mainly annoying. And anyone listening to my interview tapes from today will doubtless agree.
How do feel apart from that? I can make dinner tonight if you're tired.
But knackered, but not too bad. How are you? You can cook if you want, but I don't mind doing it. How's Sherlock? And what time is Mycroft ours tomorrow? :)
Not till six, and he wants to know if you can go and pick him up?
Sherlock is...full of energy. More than usual. And really wants cabbage for dinner for some reason. We do have some.
I wondered if Sherlock's broken wing might be fixed enough for a short journey? We could all go then.
We could do some buttered cabbage, with thyme?
That...sounds delicious, actually. How do you make cabbage sound delicious?
And yeah, I think it should be.
I offer for your delectation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MnX1wT7BRU
(Muppet's version of Windmills of your Mind)
isn't that half the trick of cooking? Sell the idea it'll be nice, and people will eat it! Tell them it's horrible and they'll agree...
Can you catch diseases from dead bodies?
If the dead people had certain infectious diseases when they were alive, yes. Why?
because Lestrade spends loads of time with dead bodies and he was nearly better before and none of us are ill and he might have got a plague but I hope not because I want to go on the bikes tomorrow
Have you conducted an full examination Sherlock? ;-)
I hope you're ok Greg
I don't think he has a plague, despite how he sounds. You can help me listen to his lungs after dinner though (if he says it's all right), okay?
Yes! Will there still be cigarette stuff in him even though he doesn't really smoke now? Does it stay forever? If we cut his lungs open would it be black and gooey ?
It doesn't stay forever, but they do heal slowly and some of the damage done may increase his health risks as he gets older. They're not going to be black and gooey - although let's not find out, please.
He IS old
Thanks!
Almost everyone is old compared to you, Sherlock.
L, have you checked for allergies lately? Your smoking may have masked them before, and it is spring. (I don't think I'll stop coughing till May this year.)
Also, I asked about gyotaku before, but I think it may have wound up in your spam filter. Sherlock, have you ever painted with a fish?
rsf
Yes we made fish prints at school before but we didn't call them that, just fish prints, it was fun! I like the painting better though because you can do anything.
Painting was fun, huh? We learnt about mixing colours a bit yesterday.
Once I've finished the class maybe I'll do you all a nice painting of John. Suitably attired. Or not.
If you can find my comment from before, it has a link of someone doing the grown-up version, and they make a "ghost print" after the first one, and paint in the eyes and everything. It looks amazingly like a real fish when they're done.
I like printing with different things, like potatoes and pinecones, because you can get some neat shapes repeating on the page and each print looks a little different.
rsf
I'd say it better be suitably attired except I think you considered that jam jar 'suitably attired'...
Quite the contrary, Doctor Watson. That jam jar left you positively over-dressed.
Love you, you know. And I'm really looking forward to having Mycroft back.
Yeah, me too - both those things. :) Think he'll want to come to one of Sherlock's painting classes?
RSF - No, never been tested for allergies.
Err...well, he might. I'm not sure.
Fish prints do sound like fun (or fin, as my autocorrect suggests... ;))! But I think I agree with Sherlock, I prefer the freedom of paints. And watercolors give you such a nice soft effect with the colors. What did you paint a picture of, Sherlock?
L, I have a friend who coughs all-spring-long every year from tree allergies, so that is definitely something to look into if the coughing won't go. (It was a big problem when he was in college and earning tuition money working as an arborist!)
I've never had any particular problems before though. And only started coughing when I was ill the other week.
It's probably just the remains of the cold, got onto my chest.
I hope it goes soon, then.
have you been right at all Greg? if its not gone away at all then you're probably right, not that that makes it good but at least that would make it none long term :-)
how was the cabbage? it sounded interesting :-)
it's never quite gone away. But I'm way better - I don't cough during the night now. Just when I get up/stay out in the cold, mainly.
It just sounds - and tastes! - horrible today.
Probably the Teafee. Coffea? Whatever we're calling what I made earlier.
I never imagine doctors will do much for you when you go in with a bit of a cough... but that's probably because I never go, so don't know! ;)
better is a good sign, if it was something other than what was wrong before then it would be constant, maybe?
Doctors don't do much for anything if you don't go see them but generally they don't do much unless its serious, better that your body fights it or something
did you get your work done today?
Lots of it, yeah.
And I know...there's one doctor who I definitely won't be steering clear of ;)
It's the persistent coughs that doctors want to know about. Just to make sure that they're not symptoms of something that should have something done about.
And that sentence makes no sense at all. But John will know which kind of cough it is anyway, when he and Sherlock listen to lungs.
Anon - yeah, I'll go if John tells me to. I have had a few dodgy chest infections before. All pills and inhalers and stuff thrown at me. Hope this isn't like those. Hoped giving up the cigs had put those days behind me!
Hope you feel better, L. I had a persistent cough for several months before I was diagnosed with asthma. Now it only acts up under certain triggers. Hopefully it will clear up soon for you, but you might want to look into if it's something like that.
A friend of mine gave me a lovely down comforter once. Six weeks of coughing and wheezing (and keeping my roomates up) later, it finally dawns on me that I'm allergic to down.
Gave the comforter to my roommate to make up for keeping her awake, vacuumed my room, got an inhaler, and have been mostly fine ever since.
Maybe we should have a Coughers Anonymous post. Spent all night (slight exaggeration, but it felt like it) coughing. And now it's planning on snowing.
Hope you're feeling a bit better today L.
I've been on a blue inhaler before. Became allergic to it, so that wasn't too good. And a bit confusing for the doctor.
SH - it's sleeting here.
And I'm sorry, I read your comment as 'cougars anonymous' at first!
Well, of course we could all join Cougars Anonymous - it might be fun.
Even better I've just had to type in "tigered" as the captcha - clearly Cougars Anonymous is on!
Ha!
Danger, I'm free ! Want lunch somewhere nice before school run and afternoon delights?
I would love that, yes. Text me where to meet you?
You now have me until after your birthday and Easter. Except one morning of court. What will you do with me?
its such a shame you won't have the house to yourselves isn't it Greg ;-)
I'm glad you got away when you wanted to, enjoy your well deserved holiday :-)
L - oh, I imagine I'll think of something...
Don't forget both of you have art class-time already spoken for! ;)
(I hope you're feeling better today, L.)
Currently waiting for Sherlock outside his school. We came on the bikes, to test him arm on the shortest journey we could think of. He will be over the moon.
I can only imagine how he's going to react when, instead of seeing just John standing and waiting for him, there are two bikes and two kitted out gentlemen and a small helmet waiting for him. Have fun. :)
He was pretty happy. And held on really tight all the way home ... By sticking his cold hands down the waistband of my jeans.
John would say that was karma or something
John would say that was karma or something
Ha!
A happy Sherlock is a good start to a weekend I would say and it can only gets better from here with Mycroft coming home :-)
I think I would have to agree with John about the cold hands ;-)
Well, I hope they both enjoy a very wet, windy, cold ride. This weather is foul.
I think we've been lucky up here its freezing but not much else is wrong with the weather :-)
I hope you don't get toooooo wet ;-)
Could be worse...
what could? The weather, the cold hands or...well....lots of things could be worse ;)
Anyway, we have a Mycroft! We have gigantic wet dog prints in the flat! We have a slightly soggy Anthea (who we won't tell she smells a little of wet dog.) and we have a Sherlock trying to make his big brother sniff his old cast...
Your hands could definitely be colder... now that they've been stuck on my neck and up my jumper and various other places...
far colder if Anthea catches and kills me! She just threatened to chop up my body and feed me to the dogs and then see who smells...
Don't do it, Anthea. He'd give them terrible gas.
Oi!
I'm sure I'd be very tasty.
You don't get gas, anyway...... ;)
No one's tasting you but me, so we'll never know...
Hey, you should let Anthea down more gently than that.
Sorry, Anth, he gets so possessive...
Mmhmm... she really is going to feed you to the dogs someday...
She'll have to fight Sherlock for rights to my body...I mean, dead body.
There is one unhappy little boy now he's discovered we'll all be at home next week apart from him.
He hasn't even been mollified by the offer of...being Mollified. As in, going to see Molly in the mortuary.
Which ought to mollify anyone really...
who would be happy about missing the family holiday?
poor Sherlock :-( its not nice for him to have to go to school while you're all off and together. I guess he just has to try and focus on your trip away :-)
Glad you're all home safe and sound even if a little wet :-)
Anonymous - he isn't missing a family holiday. Mycroft's going to do his revision and homework, I'm being forced to take some rest days because it's the end of the year, and I can only roll over so many - but yes, will be enjoying my timeoff with John a lot :) and then, on Friday, when Sherlock goes on Easter holidays, we'll all be going away for a few days, together, on holiday. And then he has two whole weeks with me, sometimes, and John and Mycroft all the time.
I get why he doesn't want to go to school, but he's not missing much.
It may not mean missing much, but I'm sure it feels horribly unfair.
Still, it is an opportunity to show how very much he's grown up, because behaving well in school when just being there feels unfair is an extra grownup thing to do. AND you and John (and maybe Mycroft) will be at his art classes, and if there wasn't school while you're off you might not be able to. (Not to mention a special trip to visit Molly, which will make her happy, too.)
John;s dealing with him. I'm too tired to manage to phrase anything in a sensitive enough way.
Now you've a little time off, maybe you can catch up on some sleep.
he may not be missing much but he is missing the rarest of opportunities to have all of you together without his brother away and you at work. its got to be hard for him even if there are good reasons that it is how it is.
Mycroft just told him he'd only be missing around 30 hours, out of a possible 168, of us all being together.
Sherlock has declared he won't sleep.
Mycroft has called him a dolt.
Sherlock has announced Mycroft smells of poo. Like a poo.
John has gone to make a cup of tea.
A dog is eating a shoe.
Two degus are having a bath on the dining table.
I'm sitting on the floor in a corner with four cushions piled on top of me. I think I've been forgotten about.
you still not good Greg? are you planning a quiet weekend to try and get sorted or will sleep have to wait until Monday?
I hope John can help Sherlock see the positives quickly :-)
Lestrade - sounds like the best place to be right now. And possibly quite comfy, if you snuggle into the cushions.
AnonyBob - not the best. And coughing dislodges my cushions. Hoping to get quite a lot of sleep - weather doesn't make leaving the flat sound attractive!
(Sherlock didn't get as far as explaining why I needed to be buried.)
A dog has just joined me in my corner, and flopped onto the floor with a huge sigh by my feet. And is now licking my foot.
Ah, a jolly holiday! :D
Sorry you're still not good :-( the best thing to do in this weather is to stay inside in front of a warm fire covered in cushions that's for sure ;-)
I hope quiet here means a fun evening there ;-)
sleep well guys and enjoy your holidays (while studying hard) Mycroft :-)
I keep falling asleep.
Need to actually move to bed.
Mm, bed. I'll see if I can arrange to let you sleep in tomorrow.
my hero.
(He has managed. Sherlock has, astoundingly,gone back to sleep between us, and is now a boiling hot wriggling bundle)
Yay for Sherlock and well done John :-)
Here's hoping extra sleep brings less coughing Greg :-)
it worked until Sherlock realised it was snowing ...
even though it's not settling, we were forced to go to the park.
You can always try to catch snowflakes on your tongue, even if it isn't settling. Or try to catch them to look at with a magnifying glass. Snow is always fun.
rsf
the dogs try to eat it.
It would be more fun if it wasn't quite as cold. Happily John's on my side and dragged us off for coffee/hot beverage of choice.
It IS fun it's snowing loads but it's not really settling and it should but it's only settling on some cars and some places and not properly. But John said we should all get coffee and Lestrade sat in the playground on the climbing frame in the little house because John said he was ill and shouldn't be in the cold wind and snow and then we had fun and the dogslike trying to catch the snow.
It certainly is chucking it down.
We're fending it off with homework, bacon and avocado sandwiches, guitars, dogs and good books.
Later there will be fish, with a chance of biscuits.
Hmmm... Bacon and avocado sandwiches, wish I'd thought of that when I was grocery shopping yesterday.
Bacon and avocado... mmm. I think I know what I'll make for dinner now.
I hope you're all having a nice quiet day of reading and music and dogs. And fish and biscuits. Or would it be fishbiscuits?
rsf
it's lemon sole and Sherlock has picked swirly shortbread to make. Or, you know, eat the raw ingredients of in the pretence of making.
Lemon sole sounds delicious as do the biscuits :-)
I'm not sure why the raw ingredients taste better than the final product when you bake things but they always seem to ;-)
In John's case, yes, raw ingredients do always taste better than the final offering ;)
(kidding, Danger. You're fantastic.)
where are we gooooiiiinng for John's birthday I want to know pleeeeeeaaaaaase
raw ingredients do always taste better than the final offering
I know you were kidding, but it's so often true...
Yeah, Lestraaaadeee, where are we goinggggggg?
Sherlock, you're going to bed.
John...did you know we could get married in Tower Bridge?
I had no idea. Is that something you want to do?
Don't know. It is quite small, though.
Downside is they do a 'package'. Sort of prefer to be a bit more...free than that.
We should probably make a list or something. Of places. That'd be useful.
yeah. Places. Number of people those places hold. Price?
That does sound useful.
Yeah, that sort of thing. Number of people we're thinking of inviting would be useful too.
by the end of this, we'll need a list of all our lists, won't we?
And a way to stop Sherlock adding to them...
We will. And probably a spreadsheet or something.
can we just get Mycroft to postpone his exams, and organise it for us? I'd feel safe in his hands.
I wouldn't feel safe if I have anything to do with a spreadsheet.
Sounds like a good plan to me...
But look, we can at least work out the guest list over the holidays, right? That'll make everything else...at least possible if not necessarily easier.
Yeah.
We have to start somewhere, right?
The place we're going has power. And internet. Just so you know.
Yeah.
That doesn't narrow it down much... (I know, I know, it's not supposed to...)
If you make me plan it, you're having it at the Royal Observatory. Or at least near the Royal Observatory.
http://www.rmg.co.uk/business-and-hire/venue-hire/weddings-and-private-events/photo-gallery/
That actually looks really nice.
I guess...I don't know, we need to vaguely think about what we want. WEdding breakfast, just drinks, buffet... to run away straight after we've signed the book and leave everyone lost and confused....
The last one sounds like fun...
Mrs Hudson would get them all up and dancing. I bet she loves a good knees-up.
I feel sure she does. We can't run off though really, we have our dance to do.
True.
We could do that and then ride off into the sunset.
Or, if this weather doesn't let up, slither off in the snow.
That'd be all right. Leave them wanting more. Or wanting a stiff drink. Something like that.
Mycroft, don't forget to let us know the colour scheme so that we can all co-ordinate our virtual outfits.
Could get hitched in The Barbican. Which looks slightly like plants are reclaiming the city after some sort of apocalypse.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-B2t2T4pFHdM/T9tUVAk1NxI/AAAAAAAAEOQ/wFmOxOrmMzA/s1600/The+Barbican+Conservatory.jpg
I have a friend who got married recently and she says if it weren't for the pictures and a recording the reception afterwards would be the only part she can remember, because she was totally nervous during the ceremony itself.
L - that looks amazing.
Anon - I can completely believe it. I'm sort of expecting it to go that way for me as well.
Long as you remember me :)
We could go there tomorrow, if you wanted. Get out of the flat. It only opens on Sundays. Could have a look around, let the boys have an explore.
Escape the weather? That'd be nice, yeah. Do you think they've included zombies?
we could get Sherlock to do a thorough check.
Could get breakfast first, too.
Perfect. I'm sure he'd be happy to help them out. Breakfast where?
Long as you remember me
Always.
Probably Smithfields? It's close by.
So if we got married in a conservatory, can I wear my flip-flops? ;)
I think Mycroft might arrange some horrible accident...for your flip flops.
I feared he might.
Can I get married bare foot then? You can stick it in the vows "I promise to honour you, warm your feet up, eat ice cream with you" that sort of thing.
Wow, that conservatory looks amazing! I went to the Barbican to see an exhibition when I was in London recently, and I didn't know it was there! I thought the lake terrace outside was pretty cool, though.
Maybe you should hold your ceremony in St Dunstan's? The photos would be incredible! Mind you, the two of you are pretty damn photogenic - the photos would be incredible if you got married in a rubbish dump.
Although it wasn't why we did it, I'm so glad we had a tiny wedding, because there was so little to worry about. I've seen so many friends spend their wedding day panicking about the day rather than enjoying it... they've all had lovely weddings, but I wish they'd had weddings they'd enjoyed a bit more.
All the locations you've linked to look wonderful :-)
L - are you going put something about promising to turn your socks the right way out in your vows?
Nameless - I think, on the scale of weddings, ours will be fairly small. It's hard finding venues that can cope with small numbers, though. You don't want some huge room where the chosen few huddle in a corner and are outnumbered by the staff...
There feels like a dramatic 'tiny' or 'huge' split in venues. Smallest I've seen - 12. Largest - 800. Even 'small' seems to be around 50-70. But we'll think about it all when we make a list of people to invite, I guess. We'll probably surprise ourselves.
Ro - We could have photos there, but we'd still need to get married somewhere with a licence for civil ceremonies.
Danger - "To have and to hold, from this day forward, providing I remember to turn my socks the right way out"?
Ah! Goes to show what I know about weddings ...
I just assumed you could get married anywhere, as long as the person officiating was properly licensed.
I like the idea of personalised vows ... "in cold feet as in warm..."
Not 'providing'...I'd keep you even with socks the wrong way out.
Ro - sadly not. Or I'd be far less concerned about the venue part of all this. Just get married in the park or something, for free!
Danger - glad to know that.
Bed? We'll have to see if we're in for 'proper' snow (and a manic 7yr old) in the morning
Definitely bed.
The Barbican is lovely. I married hubster in a conservatory, but it wasn't nearly so big. The same room where I sang "The Man I Love" as a solo part in choir a few months before we were engaged.
My dad and I had a code word when I was a teenager, to use in situations where he was about to lecture me about something I already knew, and the re-lecture was only going to make me dig in my heels that much more. It was supposed to be "Basingstoke" (from Gilbert & Sullivan, Mad Margaret, etc.) but I couldn't remember that so I said "bandersnatch" (he read Lewis Carroll to us after dinner all the time). The deal was, I still had to do whatever it was he had been about to lecture me about, but I did not have to get the lecture.
Otherwise, I'm really bad at bringing up uncomfortable things too. I'm sure it will somehow be my fault, whether for noticing something's not perfect, or whatever, I don't even know. I'm trying to work on this, but, much better at avoiding.
So, all the best to you two, being willing to be each other's safe place is so important and helpful.
S
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