badgers

Because I thought it should be collected somewhere... 

Badger Tales

by Desert Wanderer, A from NW, and ReReader
(Lightly edited to make the bits go together more smoothly.)

*

Once upon a time, in a garden far, far away (like, in Ipswich or something) lived two badgers, named George and Jack. They met each other over the scene of a honey pot theft that left another badger badly bitten. Of course, being our heroes, the badgers recovered the honey pot and gave the thief a good what-for.

During the scuffle, George had broken a claw and was very put upon. "Alas and woe betide me," he cried. "How ever am I to get yummy grubs and mealworms to eat without my claw?!"

Jack smirked at his funny language, but still felt bad for him. "Alas and woebetide?! Have no fear! I can fix a claw, for, before I became a crime-fighting badger, I was the greatest pawicurist in the whole county."


"That would be most kind," said George, and sat down and held out his paw.

"Ah," said Jack. "You had best come back to my burrow, where I keep my pawicurist kit."

So the two of them trundled off to Jack's home in a very nice back garden.

"This is a very nice burrow," said George, looking around.

"Very kind of you to say. Sorry about the wallpaper. Have a seat," said Jack. "I'll be right back."

Then George heard the most awful racket, as of things being flung helter-skeleter, this way and that.

"Is everything all right, my dear fellow?" he called out.

"Yes, yes, I know just where to put my paws on it," replied Jack. The racket resumed.

Whereupon George decided he may as well put some water on to boil for tea. 

The biggest issue, however, was trying to find the kettle. It wasn't that the kitchen was disorganized, no far from it, but every cabinet that George opened was full of all sorts of mysterious pans, pots, and cookie cutters that he couldn't tell where the tea kettle was stored. 

When, at last, it was located, a new problem presented itself. George felt a bit foolish, standing there in the kitchen with the kettle boiling but no idea where the mugs were. Let alone the tea, teapot, spoons, sugar, or milk. 

Luckily, he was saved by Jack's arrival in the kitchen. George's keen investigatory senses detected something markedly...different about his companion.

"Are you... Is that... Did you do something to your fur? It looks spikey."

Jack's left ear twitched in a way George had already learned meant he was embarrassed. "No. Of course not. Just a bit mussed from looking for my pawicurist kit. That's all. Nothing special"

George shuffled a little closer. "Surely you didn't use..." He took a tentative lick. "Strawberry jam!" He started to laugh.

Jack sniffed. "What are you laughing for? Jam has lots of uses."

"Really," George drawled. "Such as?"

"Such as...such as... Ah, you've boiled the water for tea! Excellent."

And Jack brushed past George to get to the tea, teapot, spoons, sugar, milk, and mugs. However, it was really a very small kitchen--very small indeed. And Jack had somehow forgotten to put down his pawicurist kit. So when I say brushed past... Well, there was really quite a bit of brushing involved.

They sat down together at a small wooden table, and Jack poured the tea. George sniffed pointedly, for his newfound companion still smelled of strawberries.

"It can be used as bait, to lure in bees for the honeypots and--" Jack's ear twitched again, "and other things." He quickly changed the subject. "Let's take a look at that paw."

Jack seized George's hand and froze.

"What?" George asked. "It's not damaged forever, is it?"

"Er, no" Jack said. "It's fine. Just fine. Perfectly...fine."

George wasn't too convinced. "Just fine? You look like you've seen a dachshund."

Jack smiled reassuringly. "No, it's just your paw. It's so...strong. How do you get it like that?"

"Lots of paw strengthening exercises."

"Oh!" said Jack, not letting go of George's paw. "That's... good. Maybe you could show me some of those exercises? Or...or would you like some biscuits, perhaps?" 

"That would be lovely, but...my claw?"

"Oh, right, yes of course," said Jack, blinking rapidly. "Oh!" And he reached reached into his kit with his other paw for the proper supplies.

Jack proved to be excellent with his paws and had George fixed, cleaned, and wrapped in a few short minutes. "There," he said. "How does that feel?"

George rotated his paw and made a dubious face. "I'm not sure. It feels...odd."

Jack frowned a bit. "Odd how?"

"Like it's weaker or something."

"Well, we can't have that," Jack exclaimed. "Clearly we need to test your paw. Maybe this would be a good time to show me some of your...exercises?"

George cocked his head to the side with a cheeky grin. "Alright. I can show you my favorite one. You might find it particularly useful, something you can try every day!"

Jack grinned and tugged George's uninjured paw, leading him to the back of the burrow. 

"First things first," George said. "We have to clean you up a bit." He pushed Jack gently face-down onto the nest.

Jack lay down, a little anxiously. But George proved to be gentle, using soft motions to tug and pull the jam-covered bits of fur apart, washing them and smoothing them back into order. Jack let himself be lulled into a trance. This was much better than hibernation.

George worked methodically, making sure to take care of every little part. Eventually, he was done, Jack curled up on his side and seemingly tried to burrow himself into the ground.

George leaned over. "Jack," he whispered. "Do you want to see my exercises now?"

"Mnhf" was all Jack replied.

"Are you sure?"

A more emphatic "g'way."

George grinned and tugged Jack as close as possible. "Alright, then" he said, closing his eyes and breathing in Jack's scent. "I wouldn't want to badger you."

Jack just groaned and covered his eye with his paw. "T'm'rw, George. Promise. Now sleep."

And so they did.