I could cheerfully murder Bryan right now. And myself, come to that.
L slept so well last night I thought the full dose of painkillers was the way to go again. Turned out to be just enough he couldn't properly wake up from his nightmare. Just spent at least half an hour convincing him I was me and it was safe to get back in bed. God I'm an idiot.
L slept so well last night I thought the full dose of painkillers was the way to go again. Turned out to be just enough he couldn't properly wake up from his nightmare. Just spent at least half an hour convincing him I was me and it was safe to get back in bed. God I'm an idiot.
76 comments:
Oh, John. :( *hugs*
Thanks. I don't deserve it, but thanks.
I don't deserve it
Yeah ya do. Hugs from me too.
You weren't to know the meds would leave him stuck in his nightmares. You'd only not deserve the hug if you'd left him to fight them on his own.
That is absolutely wretched, but you're not an idiot. You were only trying to help with the immediate problem, and it's not your fault that all the Bryan stuff was still simmering in Lestrade's brain. Blame Bryan. And think about what it means that Lestrade realizing it's you is comforting for him.
If he hadn't had his full dose, though, he might have spent the evening struggling to get comfortable and breathe with his bruised ribs, though. Please don't be too hard on yourself, John -- after all, how were you to know that it wouldn't be more flying stealth unicorns tonight?
As those above have said, it's Bryan's fault, not yours.
You're not a idiot
Sorry
Didn't meanto
Lestrade, get off the net and go snuggle with John. If you're feeling up to it, that is. If not, just get some rest.
John, you're not an idiot. You weren't to know that would happen, you were only trying to help him.
You know, when I'm extremely tired I get panicky about people being near me, and that's without drugs or most of Lestrade's background. I've whacked my SO in the head a few times when he's attempted to snuggle while I'm sleeping. (It's okay, he's a cop and he has nightmares. He's whacked me a few times too, so we're even.)
It's nobody's fault--or if it's anyone's, it's Bryan's. It's just one of those things.
Oh, guys :-(
John - adding my voice to the chorus. It wasn't your fault, and it must have been a pretty crappy thing to go through. So you totally get hugs.
Lestrade - that must have been pretty shitty for you, too (and so not something you should be apologising for). So hugs for you, too.
I hope you both managed to get some sleep afterwards.
I don't even remember what I thought was happening.
I just needed to get away, and then everything hurt and I couldn't find the door (think I thought I was in mine and Bryan's old flat) and it just made me panic more.
I really, really do know you wouldnt ever do anything to me, John. And thank you for talking me down.
And you're 100% not an idiot. Don't think that.
Yeah well, once you believed I actually was me it wasn't so bad. How's the knee? Can't imagine that did it any good.
I may, under supervision, take all my painkillers...and atempt to remain lucid. It's a bit...sore.
Maybe with coffee? And a hug?
Absolutely. I'll make fresh. Coffee. Hugs probably don't go stale.
And later - under supervision - can we go out and get some fresh air? I promise just to sit on a park bench or something. Watch the boys and dogs.
Yeah of course. How are the ribs and crutches getting along? I think Mrs Turner's mum still has her wheelchair somewhere. Not sure how you'd feel about that but thought I ought to offer.
Very kind of you to think of it.
But no way.
Ribs will be fine if we take it easy. And I can put a bit of weight on the leg. It's bending it that hurts.
Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say. All right.
Is this the first genuinely sunny hot day we've had this month? It feels like it.
I wish I could reach to scratch my stitches. I don't know how you coped with that many in your head. You'd have had to put one of those massive lampshade collars on me like a dog.
You'd have had to put one of those massive lampshade collars on me like a dog.
This image just had me LOLing hard. Can you image trying to drink a cuppa with one of those on?
(Capcha says 'misses'.)
I'd have needed a straw, definitely.
Wouldn't be surprised if Danger installed a cage in the bedroom tonight and locked me in it, after my efforts of last night. Blanket, water bowl and no way to cause trouble.
*nods*
Sounds sensible. We had to do that with a young and excitable kelpie/labrador/GS mix who had an operation after doing something nasty to the ligament of one of her back legs. Eight weeks of caging, only let out to be carried outside to pee.
Eight weeks...I might have chewed my leg off through boredom by then.
And I'd like to think John could just let me out to pee...not have to carry me. But you never know.
I think I'd have a pretty difficult time carrying you. And the neighbours wouldn't appreciate you doing it outside, besides.
Thought you army boys could chuck a telegraph pole over your shoulder and run 80 miles?
Although carrying me would be more like carrying a sack of potatoes. I wouldn't put you through it. Maybe you need a leash for me instead. And a muzzle.
I didn't actually take a swing at you last night, did I? I don't remember. Sorry if I did.
And yeah, I was assuming you'd get me to the bathroom, not the street!
Oh, yeah, obviously. Eighty miles through the desert at noon, uphill both ways, no problem. But telegraph poles don't have broken ribs. Makes it a bit trickier.
No. You mostly just looked scared and confused. Wouldn't let me near you. You really don't remember any of it?
I don't really know what was real, so...I don't really trust what I remember.
I thought you were trying to...well, y'know.
I know I thought you'd locked me in when I couldn't find the door. Except, not actually you, obviously.
God, I don't know, it's embarrassing.
I know. It's not your fault. Is there anything I could've done that would've helped?
I honestly don't know. If I wouldn't let you near me, then no, probably not.
Did you turn the lights on? I don't know if that would have helped or not. If I could see it was you, then maybe. But if it just blinded me going from dark to light then probably not.
Did I just wake up properly in the end, or what? I can remember you getting me up off the floor and helping me back to bed. So you must have done something right.
Sorry, I wish I could tell you the answer.
Yeah, turned the lights on, but you weren't really looking at me. Not sure if you ever really woke up or not. You had your eyes open, and you did recognize me eventually, but you still seemed awfully confused about where you were - if relieved not to be where you'd thought you were.
It's okay. Just thought I should ask in case there was something more useful I could've done.
I was relieved, believe me.
I am really sorry for the implication that any part of me could think you might do something to me. I think I was back to after my bike crash, and bloody confused.
Let's hope for no repeat performances, ever. But I don't know of anything more you could have done.
Okay. And you don't need to apologize, seriously. You can't help what you do when you're asleep.
No, but you can still feel bloody silly about it when you wake up.
Why's there no tennis today?
And I might go in to work tomorrow - not for the day, just nip in, grab some things, see my bike, talk to a few people, then escape again.
I know you probably don't want to come in the office with me, but we could grab some lunch out or something? If you wouldn't mind waiting while I went in.
Really Lestrade? Work already? You're almost as bad as Sherlock how quickly you get bored.
It's nice to see you've both mostly moved to how can we make this easier next time and away from unnecessary things like I'm sorry for having nightmares and I'm sorry for trying to help you sleep. But I suppose when it's the middle of the night and you're stressed and tired you're not going to be coming up with your most brilliant thoughts.
Did you manage to get to the park? Relaxing in the fresh air while giving the boys and dogs a chance to run off some energy sounded like a very good plan.
Not real work. Just trying to make sure I keep in touch with everything going on. And can open my office door when I get back, instead of finding the place full to the brim with paperwork.
Thanks. Although John was pretty brilliant in going from fast-asleep to coping with everything I threw at him within about 5 seconds.
We did get to the park. There was sunshine, ice cream, fresh air and tireless boys and hounds. It was very nice. And I got there and back under my own steam - albeit slowly. Which made me feel better about life.
kholly - I do still think I should've at least realised this could happen, but feeling guilty about it isn't a particularly useful response.
L - It's middle Sunday! Have you really never watched Wimbledon before?
Yeah, sure, I'd be happy to come and lunch would be nice. I can come in the office if you like? Or wait, don't mind either way.
Given that I didn't think it would happen I hardly think you can beat yourself up about you not guessing. Honestly, I think I just got messed up in my head and thought it was the last time I came off the bike.
No, never watched it. I mean, I've watched the odd game, but never taken a proper interest in it. So...middle Sunday never has any tennis?
I don't mind either way either. Maybe I can go in and check what cases are up on the boards? I don't want to drag you into some horror show like last time.
Never. That's just Wimbledon though, not the rest of the slams. I assume because it's so old and everyone was expected to go to church on Sunday back then.
I'll be fine. It just took me by surprise last time.
Right, yeah, church. But they don't even start playing until lunchtime on a normal day! I reckon these tennis players are just an idle bunch.
Well, when left we had a stabbing and a deliberate hit-and-run. But I'll check before we go what's up there now. I'd like to think they might have solved something in mine and Sal's absence.
...Yeah, and they play the last Sunday. So I'm wrong about the church thing. I suppose they just stuck a day of rest in there? To be fair, they do play 11 months out of the year; they've got to rest some time.
Did that other DI whose name I can't remember take over your cases? Starts with D, you were complaining about him when you were ill.
I'm sure I never complain about my esteemed colleagues...
Dimmock, you're thinking. He might have. Or Gregson. But hopefully my lot have coped on their own, with the DCI keeping a vague eye on them.
They're not half as green as they're cabbage looking. Usually.
Dimmock, that was it. And right, yeah, I didn't mean complain. I meant you were speaking of your great esteem for his work. Is he the one with the ears?
He does have ears, yes.
Don't try and provoke me, even if I am on drugs...I don't want to get back to work to find my bike trashed and office booby-trapped, because I've told the world what I really think of some of them.
So we've replaced tennis with a bit of Glastonbury. Ever fancied going? Camping out with millions of drugged up flakeys? thigh-deep in mud?
Ha. Sorry, I wasn't trying to, honestly! I haven't formally met most of the people you work with, and I was just trying to connect a face to his name. I'm sure he's either the one with the ears or the one who looks too young to be a DI.
It doesn't look all that appealing to me, no. I got as much mud as I could ever want in the army. Why, got your heart set on going next year?
They both look younger than me. Which is undoubtedly too young to be a DI. I've never noticed anything particularly noteworthy about his ears though.
Nah, went many many years ago. Not my sort of music nowadays. Or my scene.
So...if I take my painkillers tonight...maybe I shouldn't. I don't know what to do. And as you're the one who'll suffer either way...well, what do you think?
I'd say go ahead and take them, if that's all right with you? You really do need the sleep. And maybe play something while we're falling asleep and leave it on - I dunno, music you hadn't heard back then? It helped me sometimes when I'd just got back. Better than waking up to silence.
Good idea, yeah.
Might drown out my snoring, too. Sorry about that. Lying on my back's just the comfiest way I can sleep.
Although most modern music is crap...got any recs? Hey, you lot, got any recommendations? Make yourselves useful. hah.
I had a bunch of new agey stuff and some audiobooks, but I don't know how you'd feel about either of those. I'm having trouble thinking of good recent music...this probably makes me officially old.
What, like whale songs and all that?
You're allowed to be old, or I'd be a cradle snatcher. Or a sugar daddy. Or something.
I think it's just proof there is little good recent music.
Make yourselves useful. hah.
Ooh, how masterful :-p
What sort of stuff do you like generally? Rock, dance, indie, mope, folk...? And are we talking just the last couple of years?
(Just a thought - is there any music you tend to associate with John, or John and the boys? Anything you heard when you met?)
Sort of floaty instrumental stuff, but there might've been some whale song in it too. I didn't think much of it, but I couldn't picture ever hearing it in Afghanistan, so it did the job. Wind in the Willows was nice too.
Nameless - Guitary-rock. The Eagles, Johnny Cash, quite like the Stones, Pink Floyd, Thin Lizzy - all sorts...mainly stuff probably not ideally suited to sleeping?
Stuff I heard when we met. I think my journey down to Devon was mainly the horrors of Lady Gaga, Take That and numerous other catchy pop songs which get in your head no matter how vapid and crap they are.
I'm pretty sure if we listen to Lady Gaga all night we'll both be irrevocably mentally scarred by morning.
It wasn't a suggestion! Just saying that's what I remember. My car's radio was stuck tuned to radio 2.
I'd rather listen to whales.
I don't know, yeah, instrumental stuff - it's got to be worth a try. Bryan liked shitty dance tracks that were far too young for him. 80s synth. That shite. Floaty instrumental sounds about as far from that as you can get.
And much as I hate to say it, you probably shouldn't try and hug me. In case I go all psycho on you again. SOrry.
There's classical, too - that violin thing Sherlock's been listening to obsessively.
Yeah, okay.
I hear that thing Sherlock's playing in my head even when he isn't playing it. Like it's echoing in my ears. Doesn't he ever get bored? What am I saying...he is the King of getting bored. amazing he doesn't get bored of that.
Maybe we can hold hands? I feel like that should be a line in a period drama where everyone's horrifically chaste. but it might work?
mainly stuff probably not ideally suited to sleeping?
You mean, mainly stuff that's at least 25 years old? :-p
Difficult to find classic guitar rock in the last couple of years (especially for me, I prefer singer-songwriter mopey stuff). How about trying British Sea Power, And So I watch You From Afar, Okkervil River, or Lewis Floyd Henry for something a little more bluesy?
Sure. It's not properly chaste unless we stick a couple of pillows between us though.
Nameless - You can go off someone, you know. 25 years old means I would have been twenty. Brilliant time.
I'll look some of your suggestions up tomorrow. Bit late tonight.
Danger - You'll be wearing your chastity belt though, right?
Thought you were wearing yours! Does this mean we're easy?
Ha - 25 years ago I was having a hell of a lot of fun being 18 and not knowing what the fuck I was doing. I reckon it's more fun being 42 though :-)
Does this mean we're easy?
Speak fo youself. Been told I was vry diffcult plenty of times.
Actually, think legbrace is suitably chastising. bloodyt hing
I've gotto stop the laptop, drugs kicking in.
Get the whales on.
Whales coming right up.
Roger will b jaelous.
I imagine uniconrs can sing too. can he/ You're the exprt
Of course. He sings Johnny Cash.
he's bloddy brilliant.
now come hold my hnd, tell me what whales are saying.
Is anyone else having a 'Charlie the Unicorn' moment? ;-)
I actually know this one!
Wimbledon is kind of in the middle of a residential neighborhood, and they really don't like all the commotion and traffic. Skipping the middle Sunday is a compromise between the residents and the tournament.
Glad to see you're a bit more coherent Lestrade. My sister tells me I was very entertaining when on those drugs, but I don't remember a thing.
I know it is too late and you've already gone to bed, but can I make a suggestion for tomorrow?
David Garrett. Plays the violin, but that is kinda like saying Jimi Hendrix plays the guitar. He beat the world record for fastest player doing the Flight of the Bumblbee. But he also does instrumental renditions of classic rock songs...
I'm going to have to check that out, Anon!
I'm really into Lady Gaga and Mika right now, but I'm not going to suggest THOSE. Not sure what to suggest besides classical- I'm wildly fond of Bach, particularly his violin concertos. Also NIN- which I know sounds stupidly unrelaxing, but you could try Ghosts. It's long, long, long and instrumental and peculiarly relaxing.
Lindsay - I'm actually surprised how much I like Ghosts - just went and found them. And my favorite David Garrett is actually Smooth Criminal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70EvLqYvJks
Even though I hate Michael Jackson. The instrumental version is awesome.
I'm going to suggest trying matchbox 20 as I find them unbearably awesome.
TTFN,
Bronwyn
Becca - thank you! You know, I never even thought about why there was no play on middle Sunday until L brought it up. And I've been watching Wimbledon on and off for as long as I can remember. Odd.
I just left a really long message on an old post which I don't know if you'll see basically just to say hello and you're awesome. Lestrade, I'm glad the drugs are good. Don't let Sherlock near them. He'll probably think they're stupid right up until he's experiencing life in an alternate chemical state and then he'll want to do an extensive study.
Azure-k-mello - Hello. And cheers, yeah, we get all the comments by email, so we got your long comments, thanks.
Don't worry, my drugs are being kept well away from Sherlock. God knows what he'd end up like if he got his hands on them. Doesn't bear thinking about.
It kept saying it wasn't posting. By the third time I thought, "This could be really stacking up in their inbox." I hope the drugs are still treating you well!
Ha, only got them once, don't worry.
The drugs...if I don't sleep tonight, I can't believe I ever will again. I am knackered.
And I'm cutting down on the drugs as much as possible. I get too anxious thinking about what might happen, which sort of makes it all go wrong. The only thing I really need it for now is the ribs.
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