Explanations:
1) In the poll, NSY = New Scotland Yard (i.e. Lestrade & Co.). City of London is the City police force. The four horsemen are, of course, the four horsemen of the apocalypse, but they're only reserve players.
2) Innie asked on L's post yesterday if I had any tattoos, and I admitted that I had, once, but it was small, and then I got shot, and what now remains is a scar and maybe a fleck or two of black ink. L guessed what it was (eventually, with some help). A target, a bullseye. To which everyone's natural response was, "Seriously?" Yeah. What can I say? That's the way my life works.
I said I'd explain how that happened.
My friend, Dai: You don't need fancy equipment. I could do it with a needle and ink from this pen.
Me: Sure you could.
Dai: I could! I will. I'll give you one right now.
Me: You'll do it wrong. It'll never last. Anyway, I don't want one.
Dai: Oh come on! It'll be brilliant, just pick something. Something easy.
[insert a lot of alcohol here]
Me: Jesus, anything to stop you whinging! Fine.
And then I suggested about a million things, which he said were all too complicated. I'd done pretty well at marksmanship in basic, so the bullseye was his suggestion. I never thought it'd last, but it did. Almost twenty years.
Anyhow, here's the bonsai my ex gave me to babysit; I keep meaning to post a picture of it:
1) In the poll, NSY = New Scotland Yard (i.e. Lestrade & Co.). City of London is the City police force. The four horsemen are, of course, the four horsemen of the apocalypse, but they're only reserve players.
2) Innie asked on L's post yesterday if I had any tattoos, and I admitted that I had, once, but it was small, and then I got shot, and what now remains is a scar and maybe a fleck or two of black ink. L guessed what it was (eventually, with some help). A target, a bullseye. To which everyone's natural response was, "Seriously?" Yeah. What can I say? That's the way my life works.
I said I'd explain how that happened.
My friend, Dai: You don't need fancy equipment. I could do it with a needle and ink from this pen.
Me: Sure you could.
Dai: I could! I will. I'll give you one right now.
Me: You'll do it wrong. It'll never last. Anyway, I don't want one.
Dai: Oh come on! It'll be brilliant, just pick something. Something easy.
[insert a lot of alcohol here]
Me: Jesus, anything to stop you whinging! Fine.
And then I suggested about a million things, which he said were all too complicated. I'd done pretty well at marksmanship in basic, so the bullseye was his suggestion. I never thought it'd last, but it did. Almost twenty years.
Anyhow, here's the bonsai my ex gave me to babysit; I keep meaning to post a picture of it:
And here are the chocolate chip bar things from Innie's recipe:
The corner of that plate has a built in cigarette holder. I got a set of them at a charity shop. Sherlock's not keen on different bits of his food touching each other, and these make it easy to keep everything neatly divided. And you can use the cigarette holder for carrot sticks.
Now, pancakes, and then Harrow. We'll let you know how it goes.
44 comments:
I actually gave a friend a tattoo in much the same way. A needle, some pen ink, and lots of alcohol, and I was very proud of myself because the star actually looked like a star. He liked it.
"Sherlock's not keen on different bits of his food touching each other"
My sister's the exact same way. We used to get her paper plates that are sectioned so she could keep her food separated. Of course, she's 35 now, and buys her own sectioned plates.
Good luck at Harrow, looking forward to hearing how it goes!
What help??
And the Four Horsemen may only be reserves, but they're currently top in the poll.
Having never served in the military, (oh God, wouldn't that have been disasterous), I had my tattoo done by a professional at a very nice tattoo parlor. I've had it for seven years now and in that time maybe six people have seen it. Which is impressive as it's roughly the size of a large grapefruit.
My brother went the opposite direction when he was small and would mix every single thing on his plate into one huge, gloppy mess prior to consumption. I think because he read somewhere that it all ended up blended in your digestive tract anyway and he was trying to save time or something. It wasn't too bad to watch unless there was something mooshy or slimy involved. Like mashed potatoes or creamed spinach. Then, ewww.
Have fun today guyzos. And when you get back I'll send you my celebratory banana pie recipe. Or maybe nilla pudding. Wich is disgustingly good and crazy simple.
Later,
Bronwyn
Not just the world's most ironic tattoo, but done by a mate with a needle when drunk? You're like a walking lesson in not to get a tattoo done :-p
Hope you all have a good day today, especially you, Mycroft. Enjoy the visit.
It's been 30 years since I was in a headmaster's office.
Suddenly glad they've stopped corporal punishment in schools.
We're getting tea and biscuits instead.
Gosh, I sound nosy! But whatever it takes to get you to fess up! The bonsai is very pretty and your chocolate chip bars look way better than mine ever have.
I hope you're having a marvelous time at Harrow right now and that Mycroft's all lit up at the thought of spending the next few years of his life there because he absolutely, incontrovertibly belongs.
ps - if there's an Indian grocery near you - I think you said there was - you should be able to buy stacks of stainless steel plates that have built-in dividers.
Pip - Ha, I should've gone with a star instead, clearly.
I'm hoping Sherlock will grow out of it, but…
L - I gave you a hint! Sort of. I should've know better than to put the horsemen on the poll with this lot voting.
Suddenly glad they've stopped corporal punishment in schools.
Ha. He seemed nice enough though, yeah?
Innie - I can't even remember what brought it up, but it didn't seem nosy at the time! Oh, L's dragon tattoo he never got, right. I did the bars in a pan because I was worried they might overflow the sheet and molecularly bond to the bottom of the oven.
Yeah, he seemed like a decent bloke.
I'd only been in teacher's offices to get beaten with a leather strap before, that's all. Felt like I should be standing with my hands behind my back and only speak when spoken to!
Did you give me a hint? I don't remember.
Well, I said it was a simpler shape than the ones you were guessing. Maybe that doesn't count as a full fledged hint.
I'm trying to imagine Mrs H's reaction to anyone offering that sort of violence to her children. Can you declare war on a school, do you think?
Well, given you'd said it was a friend who did it, and obliterated by your scar, the complete works of Shakespeare wasn't a terribly serious guess...
To be fair to my teachers, I wasnt a model pupil. Probably deserved most of it. And what they doled out wasn't half as bad as what I got when I misbehaved at home.
I think if anyone could declare war on a school it would be Mrs H.
I can't think of anything hippo could've done that would've deserved that. Just saying.
You! Not hippo! Oh my god. This phone.
Calling my boyfriend a hippo probably would deserve severe punishment...
Ironically, it was usually fighting that got me in trouble. Because violence clearly helps teach a lesson there.
Or being disruptive in class - I didn't go, missed stuff, didn't understand the lessons I did go to, so messed around.
If I had my time again I wouldn't waste it.
No idea how it corrected you to hippo. None.
I suppose I'm lucky the boys don't go in for that sort of trouble. I don't really know what I could do that would be at all effective.
Oh, and Sherlock's never kicked you in the shin? I think you've dealt with it very well.
- blue
That's just me though. He's not starting fights at school or anything like that.
I don't know what we'd do either. No one found a way with me, anyway. I just grew up in the end.
Off topic, but I just have to say that I found Marmite in the British Foods section of my grocery store today and HAD to try it, after all the debate here.
It was not bad! It didn't taste like death to me. Just...salty tangy stuff. I liked it better when I added a slice of cheddar cheese to the Marmite and bread; it made the cheddar taste REALLY, REALLY sharp.
I also badly wanted to buy jelly babies, but could only find Jelly Tots. Are they the same thing? Or is Jelly Tots some kind of off-brand substitute?
I hope you all feel better about the school now, especially Mycroft...how did Sherlock take it all?
I just recently encountered glass plates like that, at a friend's bridal shower. We were all amused by the cigarette holder.
With your luck, I'm glad you didn't get a target tattooed somewhere more vital. o_O
Thirdbird - finally someone with decent taste! Glad you found, and didn't hate, Marmite.
Jelly tots are the round ones, aren't they? Covered in sugar? Not the same thing at all. Jelly babies are unique. And now I want some.
Just checked that and realised I'd asked if jelly tits were round and sugary... not the dame thing at all, either! And not my area of expertise.
if jelly tits were round and sugary... not the dame thing
I'd say jelly tits probably are the "dame" thing...in a 1940s film anyway.
annoyedwabbit - I'm glad about that as well!
At least I haven't called anyone a large semi aquatic animal with a bad temper...
Hey, I could've just been comparing you to Marat Safin. I've heard him called the hippo, though damned if I know why.
I have no idea who that is.
That...is really not what springs to mind when I think of Safin.
Oh sorry. Tennis player. Significantly better looking than a large semi-aquatic animal.
http://www.mundohead.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/safin.jpg
Greg - very Russian tennis player, won two grand slams, occasionally brilliant player, usually just angry and somewhat bitter and storms around the court losing matches he should win.
It...sounds like the school visit it going well, though the comments about corporal punishment and the Headmaster are a bit eyebrow-raising.
John, that was your only tattoo, I hope? It seems that irony is very much in rule of your life. :)
-A from NW
Hippos are very angry, dangerous animals, agent they? I presume this is where his nickname may come from, going on Becca's comment?
Anon - Mycroft's headmaster showed no signs of dishing out punishment! My old head was a bitter old Scotsman (ethnicity only relevant because apparently the strap as punishment was very traditional in Scotland), and I should either have not got into as many fights, or got better at not being caught...
It was boring and stupid and Mycroft shouldn't go.
But Lestrade let me sit on his shoulders when we walked around so I was the tallest and could see the most.
Mummy and Lestrade were REALLY polite to each other. I think it's because it's the first time they've seen each other since they had a fight about John being hit on the head and getting the burglars.
There were chocolate biscuits, too. And they had science rooms that were the best ever and I want to have one. They even had dead things in jars, but John was holding my hand really tightly and even when I tried I couldn't get away to get at them.
Dead things in jars? Maybe it's not so boring and Mycroft should go.
We were just polite, Sherlock. Nothing special.
And maybe your new tutor will have things in jars you can look at properly. You'll have to wait and see. And be very very good for him.
Sherlock - it's nice that you enjoyed it and got to see lots, even if John was coincidentally holding your hand really tightly when there were dead things in jars nearby. And yes, people are often very polite to each other when they've been... not quite so polite before. How observant of you to notice that.
Mycroft - how was it? I suppose you might still be processing your overall impressions of the place, but did you have a good day?
John - my earlier comment was supposed to say that you're a walking lesson in not to *get* a tattoo done, rather than why not to get one done. Also, those chocolate chip bars look fantastic.
Lestrade - It would be a statement of the blindingly obvious to say that you've been the recipient of far too much violence in your life, wouldn't it? Still, I'm very glad that, murderous gangs and occasional aggressive scrotes slamming doors in your face aside, violence isn't a part of your life any more.
But she kept calling you Mr. Lestrade. And you're not. You're Lestrade, or sometimes DI Lestrade, but you're not a Mr ever.
I can be a Mr, Sherlock. Lots of people who don't know I'm a police officer - or don't know my rank - call me Mr. It's fine. It's not a big deal.
Nameless - I suppose. I mean, it wasn't ever blindingly obvious to me, but it is now, if you see what I mean? Especially when I was little, I just thought everyone was the same - it didn't occur to me that there was any other way. People argued and had fights, that was just how it was.
But yes, very happy it's now confined to work.
And Sherlock is incredibly observant, yes. Far too observant, sometimes. We just need to install a brain-to-mouth filter on him and we'd all be fine...
Might be a step forward from calling you Detective Inspector all the time? Hard to tell.
You mean I'm like a Surgeon - spend years studying to be called Dcotor...then a few more years studying to regain the right to be called 'Mr' again??
I couldn't tell either. Sort of got the feeling she'd decided I wasn't worthy of the rank. But that's probably just me being pessimistic.
Sherlock, you know, it is okay just to admit you'll miss Mycroft, and that you're looking forward to going to a school with science labs like those ones. You don't have to be in denial all the time. We'll all understand. We probably feel the same way.
How can you feel the same way? You're too old to go to a school.
And I won't.
John and I are going to have loads and LOADS of fun when you're at work and Mycroft is at school and it's going to be the best thing ever.
I meant about missing Mycroft, and you know it, Shortstuff.
Bedtime now. Want a story?
YES. A long one. It's not time to go to sleep, there isn't even any school tomorrow or anything. I can stay up really late.
Lestrade - yes, I see exactly what you mean. It's never easy to spot those sorts of things while you're going through them. It's easier to spot the pattern once the pattern is broken. And now it is :-)
If you do manage to invent such a filter, you'll make your fortune selling it to parents/guardians of other five year olds :-)
L - I would be willing to bet real money that one day Sherlock will be taller than you and make you regret calling him 'shortstuff'
Trills - i expect so, yes. Although I'm not sure I'll regret it. He'll no doubt have nicknames for me by then.
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