Hello. This is Mycroft. I can't sleep, and I don't want to wake anyone up, so I thought I'd talk to the internet. Why not? Everyone else is doing it.
I wanted to say something anyway. Thank you. You've all been really kind to me, and generous in speaking about your own experiences at school, and I haven't replied, mostly. Because I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say a lot of the time.
It helps, to hear so many people agree that things will improve eventually, even if I'm not sure I believe it.
It's five now. Sherlock will probably wake up soon, so I'm not sure there's any point in trying to go back to sleep. We're going to go to the motorcycle shop today, where John got his protective clothing, so that I can get some too. I didn't think I'd ever ride a motorcycle in my life, so I suppose some things can change. I'm going to go downstairs now and make tea and wait for everyone else to wake up.
I probably won't know what to say to the responses to this post either. But anyway, thank you.
I wanted to say something anyway. Thank you. You've all been really kind to me, and generous in speaking about your own experiences at school, and I haven't replied, mostly. Because I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say a lot of the time.
It helps, to hear so many people agree that things will improve eventually, even if I'm not sure I believe it.
It's five now. Sherlock will probably wake up soon, so I'm not sure there's any point in trying to go back to sleep. We're going to go to the motorcycle shop today, where John got his protective clothing, so that I can get some too. I didn't think I'd ever ride a motorcycle in my life, so I suppose some things can change. I'm going to go downstairs now and make tea and wait for everyone else to wake up.
I probably won't know what to say to the responses to this post either. But anyway, thank you.
21 comments:
Mycroft, you have the most astonishing capacity for being clear-headed and still believing that people can be kind and good. It shows in your quiet delight when John or Greg or Sherlock does something just for you, and you deserve all of those things. If you think we've been kind to you, it's really only a reflection of the kindness we see in you.
You might not always want to be the strong one or the sane one or the grown-up one, but you possess all of those qualities, and that's not a bad thing. You don't have to, but you could very well stand on your own.
I don't know if it will mean anything to you, since I'm just words that show up on your computer screen, but I'm proud of you.
That was me, innie, making the overly long comment above.
I don't know what to say to this post, except that I'm sending you imaginary sugar skulls and virtual hugs. :) I know it's difficult when you're 13, but if you stay to true to yourself, it will be fine.
I think there was something very important in what Innie said: you have the ability to be and usually are strong, but you don't have to be. John and Greg (and Sherlock too, no matter that he's younger. And your mum, even though she's busy a lot) are there for you. You can lean on them, and I hope you do occasionally. It can help even the worst of times to have someone to lean on.
Also, pick a language you have no intent on learning when you decide to pick your silly foreign language phrase to learn. Half of the fun is not knowing or caring if you're getting the accent spot on, or the syntax right (well, okay, that one's negotiable, but still), or anything like that. That said, when you make friends (because you will, I know it, and not just acquaintances either) it's fun to make up secret code phrases and translate them into a language the professors don't speak and use them for marginally nefarious purposes, like being out of the dorms out of dark. "The eagle has entered the barn, I repeat, the eagle has entered the barn!" Except in... I dunno. Finnish or something.
Also, feel free to ask us, the friendly internet, if you need any advice or anything okay? It's fine to ask for advice when you need it. I also meant what I said about John and Greg being quite happy to pick you up whenever you ask, so it's fine to ask them whenever too. Don't not ask because you think you shouldn't or something.
Wow, I am absolutely rambling before bed! To sum up: you're a great person and don't worry quite so much and we're all here for you (especially John and Greg).
Oh! See if you can keep Sherlock from waking John and Greg up. Greg had a rough night and could use the lie in.
(P.S. Clearly, cupcakes are much tastier than muffins, they have icing!)
Mycroft, you are an amazing young man. You've had to deal with things that most people twice your age have never had to consider, and I think you've done it with grace and dignity.
Being 13 isn't easy, but things do get better.
I hope you have fun at the motorcycle shop. You'll have to let us know what you got! I've never ridden a motorcycle before, so I'm very jealous of you!
I can remember people telling me that it got better.
I said "I know, I have read the same books you have. It doesn't help dammit!"
Knowing because you have been told or you have read it and knowing because it has happened to you, those are very different things.
My name is strange. It's a bit like a common name, so people tend to call me that instead of my real name. It sounds a bit like a character from a comedy popular when I was young, so kids (who hate non-conformity) spent a lot of time and effort teasing me about it. Having an unusual name is a horrible thing in primary school.
I was bright enough to stand out, and not good at sports and so many things made me a target.
But when I went to high school, that changed. The school had high academic standards so there were lots of kids who thought being bright and wanting to know things were right and proper. Making fun of names was little kids stuff, people grew out of it.
So I add my voice to the chorus, it will get better. It will take time, and you might not even notice when it is happening, but it will.
Seek the company of like minded souls, and actively enjoy their company. There will be rugger buggers and people there because daddy has money, idiots of all stripes who live to make others lives misery. Steer clear, find the bright weirdos and hand with them. It's a big enough school.
Practice dealing with the idiots though. I suspect that you will need to know how to inspire those with their brains in their football boots and those with no brains at all but well connected parents to do what you want them to do. A smile and getting them to talk about themselves goes a very long way.
(Offering to do their essays doesn't. It makes you a servant or a shopkeeper, not an equal. Bargain hard if you must bargain, but sell tutoring not the finished product)
Mycroft, you know I don't make promises about things I have no control over, or things when I fear I won't be able to deliver.
So can I promise you things will get better? No. Do I believe they will? Yes.
And if you have a bad day, or a bad week, or even a bad five minutes, then John and I will be here for you. You can call, or email, or leave a message here. We'll respond. I know I can't always drop everything at work - and there'll be times when John is busy too, but I promise you - absolutely promise you - that if you need us, then before the day is out one or both of us will be there for you.
That said, I think that within no time at all you'll be embedded in your studies - in your new friendships - in school life, and sometimes you'll get to the end of the day and realise you haven't even thought about us once. And that's no bad thing.
One thing I will say - and I know it's difficult - is that worrying about it will only mean you build up scenarios in your head which are based on nothing but your fears. And it won't help.
Enjoy your summer. Enjoy us all spending time together. Look forward to camping and spending time with your brother, John, Mrs Hudson and me. And when new school starts walk in there knowing you are equal to every other new boy there, find your niche, make your friends, discover the masters who can help, the ones you can trust, the subjects you love.
And know we will always, always be here for you.
Oh, and we're ready to head out to the shops now, if you are.
Mycroft you're amazing. Greg is right though, when school gets to the point where family are barely a thought a day, that's when you'll realise how much they adore you. Hope your shopping trip went well.
Mycroft, I've tried a couple of times to write this post and given up, because I can't think of the right words. But basicly, yes, it will get better. We are all different, with different strengths and weaknesses and you have people around you who appreciate you for who you are rather than who they want you to be, which is great. I'd give you a hug, but even virtual hugs would be a total embarrassment, so I shall resist.
Mycroft, I'm so glad that you've found it helpful, having people talking to you here. As everyone else has already said, we're only one small part of the excellent support network that you have - John and Lestrade, Mrs Hudson, your Mum - and of course Anthea will be going with you (and the dogs will be with her).
I hope you had a great day buying and testing bike gear; and I hope you have a wonderful time during the rest of the summer, enjoying your family (both the one you're born into, and the one you've acquired). The camping holiday sounds as if it will be... interesting :-)
LadyMaya and Anon Without A Name, thank you. Lestrade and I just put a picture of my new jacket up on his blog. It's really nice, and he and John are both really kind to help me choose it. I got the other safety equipment too, but we didn't put up pictures of those things.
I'm so excited about you getting your bike gear Mycroft! Now you can go for rides and are prepared to hop on the bike at a few moments notice!
How do you like riding on the bike?
(P.S. I totally agree with not doing the homework thing. I fell into that trap and had to close down shop when I realised what was going on and how bad it made me feel. It... didn't go over well.)
I sold essays for a while, but only to university students, not the people I was at school with.
Innie and Piplover, you two always know the right thing to say. Did you learn that somehow, or do you just know?
Lupe, thank you. Sherlock told me you're his aunt now, so you're mine too. Is that right?
Rider, I hope you're right, about people thinking academics are important. I'm really no good at most sports.
Mycroft There's always kids in a school who like reading and maths and puzzles and thinking and talking about what they are reading about.
Plus you only need to manage one physical thing. For me it was hockey goalie because all you need for that is physical fearlessness. You have skating, get some inline skates and see if it transfers over.
I also fenced for a while when young, taking it up again in my 30s. Fencing is worth a try if you get a good teacher who realises proper technique is worth more than athleticism. It combines physical training with a great deal of strategic thinking, it is called "physical chess" for a reason.
(Plus it is indoors, doesn't involve a ball, is not a team sport, and happens in short bursts.)
Innie and Piplover, you two always know the right thing to say. Did you learn that somehow, or do you just know?
I'm glad you think so! I think for me it was a combination of being an avid reader from the time I was three - learning about all sorts of people - and the way my family worked - I am the only one who's consistently on speaking terms with each other member of the family. So I've spent a lot of time puzzling out why people might be happy or unhappy and trying to make sure that they're as happy as they can be.
I'll let you in on a little secret, Mycroft - you've got it too. You're such a lovely young man.
I'll let you in on a little secret, Mycroft - you've got it too. You're such a lovely young man.
You're dead right there, Innie.
Mycroft, you're a wonderful guy. Really. And a pleasure to be around.
Innie and Piplover, you two always know the right thing to say. Did you learn that somehow, or do you just know?
Thank you, Mycroft. In my case, I think it's just that I have been around a lot of different people and situations, and have learned that, horrible though a situation may be, just having someone say "I'm here for you," is the best.
I think you have that ability, too, Mycroft. You seem like a very wise and considerate young man, and I hope that you continue to be who you are. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you have to change, but don't be afraid to grow and experience new things, either.
Take care, and you'll have to let us know how your first time in the new gear goes! I'm sure you'll have a fantastic time!
While it's always terrifying to be in a completely new environment, I've discovered that the best things happen when you dare yourself to take smart risks and go out of your comfort zone. It's not easy to go to a new school, but you won't be the only person going through that experience. I'm willing to bet that you're going to find a group of worthwhile friends who will take you on memorable adventures and mentors who will offer wise guidance.
And, as always, you have your family behind you, who will support you, no matter what. Things don't always turn out well, and you're going to make mistakes, but that's not the end of the world, and those experiences won't change a bit of how your family thinks about you. Trust in their love and faith in you as a wonderful, intelligent young man.
I hope you come back soon with tales of your motorcycle adventures! =)
-A
So, I sincerely thought about what to say to this. I thought to say something moving and important, I honestly did. But I'm not deeply empathetic like a lot of people who reply to these blogs. I'm not good at always saying the right thing at the right time. In fact, I'm often obnoxious, facetious and flighty, thus I tend stick my foot in my mouth and bite down hard. I am the embodiment of socially odd. awkward. Off-kilter. So I thought about it and this is what I've got.
When I was 13, I was five-foot-nine and weighed 250 lbs. I had hair so long I could sit on it, which I wore in double french braids with bows on the ends. I had huge glasses and I carried no fewer than three books on my person at all times. I had four of the best friends anyone could hope to have and the four of us comprised what was lovingly referred to as the nerd squad. And I was Queen of the Nerds. From that point until I graduated high school at 18, things went a bit sideways. My family moved three times during my high school career. I went to four high schools in fours years and only once did I make a clean break during the summer. Every other time I moved in and out mid-term. Every time I moved, I took one of the top two spots in the class, blew the grading curve right out of the water had always read the required reading two years prior and made the entire thing look effortless. I topped out at five-foot-ten and 280 lbs. I was loud, huge, opinionated, bossy and smart enough to back up my claims. Imagine how popular I was. I had exactly five friends in high school and four of those were my first year. I haven't spoken to any of them since 1997.
During my junior year (the year before I graduated) I had a screaming row with my parents about whether I was going to even bother to make friends as I'd be going off to university soon and what was the point? They were worried about my social development. College is when everything changed for me. I made friends, found my niche and set the course of my life - which has been marvelous ever since. But I didn't know that at the time. I was just miserable and bitchy with it. Then one morning I woke up and my mother had scrawled this on my bathroom mirror in marker.
"The bridge will only take you halfway there,
to those mysterious lands you long to see.
Through gypsy camps and swirling Arab fair,
and moonlit woods where unicorns run free.
So come and walk awhile with me and share
the twisting trails and wondrous worlds I've known.
But this bridge will only take you halfway there.
The last few steps you have to take alone."
— Shel Silverstein
I wrote it on my bookcover and went on to school. She and my father wrote little things like that on my mirror, or the napkins in my lunch, or on my book covers or in my notebooks until I graduated. It made things more bearable. And some were silly and some profound, but the first one is the one that stuck with me. Shel Silverstein has been on of my favorite poets for my entire life and that just sealed it.
You've plenty of time, Mycroft. Let the ones who love you help build your half-a-bridge. You'll build the rest when you're not even thinking about it.
Yours,
Bronwyn
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