I was just back from seeing L off at the airport when Sherlock's teacher rang to ask me to come and pick him up. He was shouting, wouldn't sit still, insulting the other kids, not listening to a word she said. She couldn't have him there with that kind of behavior, it wasn't fair to everyone else. And of course she's right.
I went to pick him up and found him standing on a desk singing Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines over and over. The perils of letting young children listen to Cabin Pressure. Well, I say singing. More sort of shouting the lyrics. Might've been funny if he'd looked like he was enjoying it, but honestly he looked like he was barely holding himself together.
We're home now. He's alternating between sticking to my side like a limpet and running off to kick walls and cause unexpected havoc. I know he's miserable and scared, and I know why. I just wish I knew what to do. I'm about five minutes from phoning my mum to see if she has any ideas.
I went to pick him up and found him standing on a desk singing Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines over and over. The perils of letting young children listen to Cabin Pressure. Well, I say singing. More sort of shouting the lyrics. Might've been funny if he'd looked like he was enjoying it, but honestly he looked like he was barely holding himself together.
We're home now. He's alternating between sticking to my side like a limpet and running off to kick walls and cause unexpected havoc. I know he's miserable and scared, and I know why. I just wish I knew what to do. I'm about five minutes from phoning my mum to see if she has any ideas.
18 comments:
Is it the same teacher as last year or a new one? Either way she'd need you to come get him, but at least if she already knows him she might be a bit more sympathetic rather than just OMG take him away.
I just want to give hugs to both of you as I don't think there's much else that will help things at the moment.
Same one. She was very very patient, and she's usually good at reining him in, but she has the rest of the class to think about too.
Thanks.
This might be tempting fate, but maybe (part of) what he needs is a reminder that you're not going anywhere without him - that your job is literally to be where he is, school excepted.
When I was feeling crummy, my mom would give me e tra-tight and squeezy hugs and kiss my cheek so hard all my cheek fat scrunched up near my eye. Evidence suggests Sherlock has little fat, but try the squeezy thing?
I'd like to give you both hugs.
Oh Sherlock
I understand that EVERYTHING has changed and in a really short space of time. I'll bet that you had it all worked out in your head about how you would manage without Mycroft being there all the time... Skype and pictures and phone calls and visits. I'll bet that a little bit of you was even looking forward to him being away so that you could have John and Lestrade to yourself for a bit - no dogs or Anthea or reasonable big brothers!
At the weekend it would have been the three of you and they could each hold a hand and no-one would be left out.
I am really sorry that it didn't happen THIS weekend.
Just remember that Lestrade has had to go because he wants to save a little girl, just like he saved you. I know that He would much rather be there with you and John.
If he didn't love you he wouldn't have taken spider, and lots of pictures of you all on his phone. Just remember that Skype works from Italy just as well as it works from Harrow ;)
How about you get a really big piece of paper and some marker pens and just draw out all your feelings. Pick a colour for Mycroft being at school and draw it - even if it is scribbles because you are upset. Then take another colour for Lestrade being away. A colour for being back at school. A colour for your mummy not being there. A colour for missing them and finally a colour for John staying with you.
I'll bet that by the time you are drawing and thinking about John you might feel a little bit better. Let all your emotions onto the paper... then maybe tomorrow you can do something with the paper to let all the feelings flow away... make a huge boat and let them sail.... CAREFULLY AND WITH JOHN find a bonfire and burn them away.... rip them into confetti and toss them away....
Let out the hurt and keep the hugs.... I promise you'll feel better.
Lots of love
Kira
Innie - thanks. I will try the squeezy thing.
Kira - thanks as well. That sounds very sensible and I'll try to get him to read it once he's a little calmer.
I'm seconding Innie. If he's shown that he responds to things like deep pressure (tight hugs, burrowing under blankets or couch cushions, etc) then that's a good thing to try. He sounds massively overloaded.
Things like talking aren't likely to get through right now if he's as wound up as it sounds like he is. Maybe try doing things like closing the curtains, dimming the lights, turning off the tv? Any extra stimulation that can be cut down on might help. I know he likes water - maybe take him in the shower, on the cold side, if you can stand it.
Unless he's actually in imminent danger, stay calm, don't react. Redirect him if you think he might respond to it, otherwise, just ride it out. He'll crash eventually. Remember - messes can be cleaned, dishes are replaceable and scuff marks can be polished out. This too shall pass.
Oh John. My heart is so very much with you.
I'm so sorry you guys are having a rough time, John. I think Kira's idea is a good one, to have Sherlock draw his emotions out.
Also, I don't know if you have them over there, but there is a toy that is an inflatable punching bag. Maybe if you got him one of those to punch and kick and hit, a safe item to take his frustration out on, that might help as well. Or even have a special pillow that is his to hit and punch and yell at.
Good luck to you, hopefully he'll calm down once things have settled a bit.
Speaking professionally here, I absolutely agree with Shadow. I agree with the over sensitization and the fact that he needs less stimuli at the moment. We have some kids who have the same problem at work and we actually have weighted blankets to wrap them in when it gets Sherlockian levels of bad, because once they have the sense of touch as their main stimuli, it becomes easier to block out everything else and it becomes a comfort thing. Mind you, I also give hugs during the process because I'm like that, but yes, squeezes and getting rid of other stimuli. Good stuff.
Reminding him that you're never ever going to leave him is also big, but that's for later after he's calmed down. His poor little soul is just a wee bit too tortured right now to handle it I think...
Let us know how things went, okay? Also I have a feeling you may have a bed-guest for the entirety of Greg's trip and for the first day or so after he gets back...
Are you looking after yourself as well as Sherlock? I'm worrying about you both.
Greg: Hope you got to Italy safe! Give your grandmother a call at least or she'll likely give you an earful or more later >_>
Mycroft: I know I'm being mushy at the moment, but lets see... Here's to being very affectionate towards my communal internet nephew-ish! :D Hope you're settling in well!
Sorry, love. That's Crap.
Sherlock, if you read this, will you give John a really big tight squeeze from me? You know how I tell him I'll hug the stuffing out of him - will you do that? And John, will you do the same to Sherlock?
I'm here safe. Got met at the airport, now at the station.
Miss you all
Hi
I had a thought... linked to cuddles and enclosed spaces etc. Some of the children I work with really like a chair that comes from IKEA. It's like an egg and it has a blind type thing that you can pull down and make a little safe space... worth a shot??
Found the link here:
http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/80100251
Love
Kira
Tink - my Nonna will hopefully have to wait a long time before giving me an earful. She died about ten years ago.
John - you doing any better? I'll be driving for a while, in and out of phone signal. Hope you're okay. Love you. Miss you. I'll call when I can. Or you call me, anytime.
Thanks. I love you too. Bit better, yeah. He calmed down eventually and helped me with dinner. How are you doing?
Kira - Sherlock likes your idea about drawing or at least he likes the concept of setting it on fire tomorrow.
I'm tired, mainly. Probably not as tired as you though.
Just hard, learning everything, remembering my Italian, trying to work with new people and knowing I'll be heading to a new station before the end of today. Still, everyone's nice and helpful.
Greg: *flails* I'm so sorry. Is it just aunts and uncles and cousins then? I absolutely forgot that you spoke about your Nonna in the past tense. Forgive me please? I'll be holding my thumbs every day that you catch the monster.
John: I'm glad he calmed down. Did the hugs work? Or was it the ignoring it?
Tink - I'm an Aspie, from a family of Aspies. I know all about overload and meltdown! Everyone responds to different - sometimes opposite - things, but reducing the amount of stimuli is never a bad thing. When I'm overloaded, bright or flashing lights, sounds, and even smells can be too much. A summer a few years back, I was so overloaded by the heat and glare that I spent basically two months indoors with all the blinds shut wearing only a loosely wrapped sarong, because I couldn't bear the abrasive feel of my own clothing.
I know some people are touch aversive or respond better to light touch/brushing, etc, but I figured Sherlock would be more the 'deep pressure' type, since he's always tackle-hugging and climbing all over people. :D
Shadow: That would -totally- explain it! Yeah, the kids I'm talking about are generally on the autism scale somewhere, though we do have two that are just hypersensitive to everything (like Sherlock I think). We've all been told about the kids that respond better to light touch, but we haven't had one yet XD (Also, I sympathise with your summer a few years back, hopefully future summers aren't so bad!)
John: How's the smallest one doing? How're you doing? *MENTAL HUGS*
Innie - Shouldn't be so bad now - we've moved from a town an hour inland and 40m above sea level to one five hours inland and nearly 900m above sea level. The average temp tends to be about five to ten degrees cooler. We had a snow day this winter! It was awesome!
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